Have you ever gotten the feeling that you should talk to someone or help someone you see throughout your day? Maybe an elderly man who is exhaused from mowing his lawn or shoveling his driveway? Or a child trying to open a difficult door? Or what about an older woman who is obviously struggling to put groceries in her car? A teenage girl whose eyes are red and swollen from sobbing over the latest tragedy in her life? A past acquaintance who has clearly been afflicted by life's circumstances? My favorite~ A young mother with two, overly-hyper, energetic boys who are re-creating WWII in the middle of a very busy supermarket. (I actually lived this when my boys were younger!)
My 8-year old son, Dylan, and I went to the grocery store this evening to buy a few items we needed: milk, bread, etc. As always, we were calculating the prices, finding the bargains, selecting the head of lettuce that looked the healthiest, and weighing our single tomato. Shopping with him is very routine: he pushes his little cart; chooses the best looking produce; asks the same questions- "Mom, can we get hot pockets, pizza rolls, yogurt, chips, ice cream?"; I reply with the same answers- "no, no, not this time, no, not today"; I always know what to expect when we go shopping together. It's great.
Tonight wasn't that much different, except we were approached by a woman who needed help. Everyone knows little boys love a chance to be a superhero. Dylan is no exception. He loves to help and loves to be needed (for the most part). An elderly woman asked if he would help her put some pop into her cart, and explained that lifting anything heavy would make her back "go out". I questioned what happened, and she proceeded to tell me all about her medical issues.
She had arthritis throughout her body, several disks in her back had deteriorated, and despite many treatments, doctors told her there is nothing they could do for her anymore. Everyday, for the rest of her life, she would continue to be plagued with excruciating pain in her joints and muscles. I wished her well, and not having a clue of what else to say, Dylan and I turned and proceeded to the milk aisle.
Immediately, and I mean immediately, I knew I was supposed to go back and pray for her healing. "Oh Lord, I have no idea what to pray and what if it doesn't work and what if people see me and what if she tells me no and what if...what if...what if...???" By this time, we reached the milk isle. From past experience, I knew if I ignored God and told him I wouldn't pray for her, I would feel a deep sadness in my heart, regretting it.
I know the feeling of that deep sadness all to well. See, this sort of thing has happened to me before. I'd see someone and know I was supposed to share Jesus' love with them or pray for them, or even encourage them...but chose not to because I was afraid of what they would think of me.
Time and time again, I have passed up opportunities to share God's unfailing love with people because of fear. How many people have gone without a touch from God because of my disobedience? O~u~c~h!!! Granted, God will use other people; however, what if what they truly needed is what was held in my experiences or in my heart that God wanted to share with them?
God has purposed each one of our lives, and he has purposed me to be an encourager, and a voice of comfort to those wounded and brokenhearted. The ironic thing is that hurting people hurt others. Satan knows that as well; and therefore, the people I reached out to comfort, in return, wounded and lashed out back at me. That wore on my "rejection meter" pretty heavily after awhile, and recently, I quit comforting, noticing, hearing, speaking, and praying.
I let myself become numb to my feelings, because then people couldn't hurt me. Heck, I couldn't even hurt me anymore with my self-rejection and condemnation for not "doing things right". As I became numb to my feelings, I was able to block out the pain I saw in those around me. By doing that, I couldn't connect, and therefore, they couldn't hurt me.
Whew! I had no clue that this blog post was going here. You are definitely experiencing an honest moment between God and I as I am writing. I have been in a "funk" for about a couple months, more so in the last 3-4 weeks. I've been telling everyone I'm fine, life's good, I'm just tired, pray for me, etc. Life has not been fine...or fun...or productive. To clarify, what I said in the above paragraph provided me with an explanation of what is going on with me.
I have asked people to pray for me, but I haven't been praying. I have needed encouragement, but I have not been encouraging. I've needed to feel something, anything, - but I forced myself to stop feeling. I've have been asking God: "What's my purpose and why aren't I making a difference," when I've allowed Satan to stomp on and snuff out my God-given purpose. I have been sleeping all the time because I'm exhausted, yet I am escaping from reality.
Anyway, back to our store experience. I'm not sure what was different about tonight, but Dylan and I decided we needed to pray for the lady who we helped. We courageously turned our carts around, followed the woman down aisle 9, and asked her if we could pray for her. I told her that I believe in the healing power of Jesus Christ, and that between Dylan and I, we had the faith to pray for God to completely heal her.
With the permission of our new friend, Carol, we placed our hands on the center of her back, closed our eyes, and in the center of Aisle 9, we prayed the most sincere prayer we've ever prayed. As we said "Amen", I glanced up to see tears fill her eyes. She said thank you, and Dylan and I walked to the checkout knowing that God just performed a miracle.
We may never know the outcome of our prayer for Carol, and it is likely that we may never see her again, but wouldn't it be cool if when we got to heaven one day, we found her rejoicing because a little boy and his mommy conquered their fears in aisle 9, and said a simple prayer that saved her life? The fact remains that maybe Carol won't notice anything different because of our simple, little prayer, but I'll tell you what, I think after what I've written tonight, maybe I'm the one who received healing in aisle 9.
hmmm...well, the more you read, the more you'll absolutely love me or think I'm totally off my "rocker"! LOL. Either way, I'm back, and standing tall, because my God-given purpose is to comfort, encourage, and speak God's love to you and everyone else I come in contact with. Thanks for being interested enough to take heaven's journey with me! God loves you, and so do I!!!
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7 comments:
Great post.
And wow... you have no idea how much your comment tonight blessed me. My heart has been heavy today over a situation I'm having to deal with. Your comment certainly brightened my day.
Thanks cold toes in WI!
Blessings, Lysa
Excellent testimony! I get bummed out about those very specific matters, too. I read your recent comment to Lysa and copied and pasted some parts of your matter of fact Faith words to someone who needed encouraged today! You go Girl!
Thanks for your comments and I'm grateful I stopped by to read more of your words. Thanks for sharing and being real, but especially for the example of obedience. Struggling with that a bit today, so it was great to read and feel your encouragement. Pray God continues to bless you and draw you closer as the journey continues.
Jill, it's wonderful that you are so sensitive to God's leading and His work in your life (even recognizing that maybe you were the one receiving healing on Aisle 9).
I could relate to your "hurting people hurt people" comment. I liken it to a wounded animal lashing out at the one who comes to help. I experienced the same thing a few months back; it's amazing the funk that can drive one into, isn't it? I kind of blogged it out myself.
I'm glad has brought you steps further away from that and closer back to being used as He intends.
Thanks for stopping by Refreshmoments. I'll be back to visit again.
I am not one to leave comments very often however after reading your post I felt I had to. I'm sitting here with a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Yesterday I posted on my blog something very similar to yours. I didn't pray with anyone in aisle 9 but my heart is heavy for people who are hurting all around us that we come in contact with. Thank you for speaking your heart today. It was almost as if God reached down to me through your post and confirmed to me that I'm on the right track with what my mission is for such a time as this. Looks like our hearts are in the same place right now. My blog is http://musingsofamamaof2preciousones.blogspot.com the post I wrote it's called the Mystery revealed. I hope that you will check it out. Thanks again for sharing. I needed to read this today.
Hi,
I am also chilly in Wisconsin, so your name caught my eye on Lysa's comments. This post really touched me. I have a memory of a time I didn't step up as well, and that pain helps me make sure that I don't miss opportunities to help or encourage. It was awesome to read your post and really feel the Holy Spirit working through you. Thanks for your honesty.
Debbie
Dear Heaven I feel alot like you do and feel I have alot of fear of rejection to tell others about God I really was inspired by your post because now I know I am not the only one feeling this way I had people pray for people pray for me too to conquer my fear because how can I tell others about Jesus if I am so afraid of rejection myself sincerely becky your friend and former classmate
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