I walk forward

This journey can be hard as I try to navigate my way through life. Sometimes I walk blindly, not knowing which way to turn. Sometimes I walk knowingly, yet still wander without direction.


I have walked purposely despite my ability to see clearly. Most days, all I know is that I am walking forward. Slowly, if I must, but forward yet the same.


I don't know where I'm going, but I choose not to give up. When the condemning voices scream, "You'd be better off dead," I kneel and cry, "Jesus!". When situations arise, I am shaken, but return to a standing position. When the darkness invades my emotions, I scramble to find light.  I have to. I have to survive. That is my only choice.


Despite all that comes my way, or the demons I fight, my only choice is to continue to arise! I have to. For me. For my kids.


I walk forward. Blindly, at times, but forward nonetheless.


Depression and anxiety clutch to my being most days. I feel plagued by the emotions that try to daily drown me. It's a journey I wish upon no one. One I can't explain if I wanted to. Every day is different, yet strangely the same. A situation could bring it on or my world could be perfectly still...yet it lingers.


I've spent years praying it off. I've been medicated. I've been in therapy. I've read hundreds of self-help books. I can't make it go away. I can't pray it away. I can't read it away or take enough pills to make it go away.


So I embrace it. And continue praying. And continue seeking hope and peace in the turmoil of the storm. I continue to seek Jesus as the author and finisher of my faith. I continue to seek His relief and His strength. I continue to praise Him for the good days and praise Him for the bad days.


I hang onto the hope that these bad days won't always remain. I walk forward and breathe when relief comes. Hope. Day by day. Moment by moment. I know I am not alone. For that, I am grateful. My Jesus is constant and ever-present, even when I'm not.

Gaining focus...

Possessing your Promised land...

Requires action...

Walking forward...
One foot in front of the other...
Making required changes...
Becoming a participant, not just a spectator...
Living, moving, and breathing...
Seeking, remaining & abiding in God's presence...
Falling down...yet standing back up!
Stumbling...yet never giving up!
Pressing on toward the goal!
Persevering in...through...& despite!


"But I feel..."
"DESPITE my feelings, I press on..."


"But it's hard..."
"I CAN do ALL things through Christ!!!"


"But I can't do this..."
"I AM MORE than a Conqueror!"


"But I'm so weak..."
"God's strength is PERFECT in my weakness!"


Re-gain your focus. Put your eyes on the prize. Grab a hold of the outstretched hand of Jesus. Wipe the sweat from your brow. Tell your pity-party to take a hike. Get back up! Fight the good fight. No one can walk this journey for you! 


God has promised to go before you and behind you and beside you. God has promised to carry your burdens. God has promised to strengthen you. God has promised your destination, but you still have to walk forward. You have to possess it. You have to want it. 


You have to do your part...whatever it is God has asked you to do. The instructions for each of us may be different, but it will require an act of obedience on your part. Are you supposed to "let go" of something so He can give you something better? Are you to lay down your offenses and forgive? Are you supposed to trust Him and keep your mouth closed instead of taking matters into your own hands? 


For me, I'm learning to believe God IS who He says He is...not just for everyone else, but for ME!  Will I TRUST, and THEN OBEY what He asks me to do?  Will I TRUST God is who He says He is, and that I AM who God says I AM despite how I feel????


So I am going through my personal journey of TRUSTING GOD, BELIEVING HIM, & THEN OBEYING HIM DESPITE MY FEELINGS. 


What action is God calling you to today?  Will you walk another step toward YOUR Promised Land by CHOOSING to obey?

Fight the good fight...

I spent the last week of 2011 determined to bring in the new year by letting the past be the past...once and for all. I have spent so much of my life re-living scenario after scenario of my past. Whether it be things from my childhood, or my teen years, or my mistakes, or from my marriage/divorce, I just continued to live in it.

Everything God had shown me up until December 31, 2011, was leading me in the direction that my past had to go!  I was like a war veteran, telling the stories of the past over and over, only to keep myself stuck in that time frame of hurt, rejection, and pain.  

Anyway, I woke up January 1, 2012, determined to go forward into all that God was calling me to. By mid-morning, I was ticked, irritated, and saying some very bad words!!!  Although my past was not repeating itself, it felt like it was through a very similar situation. I was ready to run someone over TICKED BEYOND TICKED!!!

The memories of my past reared its ugly head and started taunting me.

"Ha! Ha! Here I am! You thought you could get rid of me! Remember this incident? And this one? Remember the pain of this one? The rage? The bitterness? The anger? The injustice? Oh, what about this? Just in case you forgot, let me remind you about..."

I was ready to blow!!!!! I had a "right" to be was angry! That person had NO right! Selfish! Jerk! Bad, bad, bad words! Insensitive! Grrr.... I continued on and on until I eventually lost all of my peace, all of my joy, and probably a little sanity as well.  I let the offenses come and stack up so high that I couldn't even begin to think of sleep because my mind was so bombarded with junk!

I finally found sleep because I eventually woke up....(angry!)

I vented to a friend. I vented to her again. And I vented to her again. I text a different friend and said, "Um, how am I supposed to think positive about this???" 

I did that for two or three days.

My heart hurt for the people involved. That caused more anger because it could have been avoided! The anger caused more hurt, more resentment, more bitterness, more anger, more hurt, more resentment.......

I finally cried out to God, "I'm tired of being angry and bitter. Please help me not hunt this person down! Make good come out of this. I pray for everyone involved, even the person making the poor choices. Jesus, we need you to make this right! I need to move forward. Help me to be a light, not a jerk. Protect my kids! Protect the hearts of everyone else involved. And please move in this situation! In Jesus' name, Amen."

I was able to sleep last night.

I woke up with peace this morning.

I'm choosing to go forward.

When the next ghost from the past appears, I will choose, once again, to go forward...

Because I am CHOOSING to...

"forget what is behind and strain towards what is ahead... (I will) press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:13b-14

Attitude of gratitude...

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!

I'm sure most of my Facebook friends can tell when I'm doing "good" emotionally and when I'm not. I tend to post more positive statuses when I'm doing "good", and disappear when I am not.

I'm doing "good" right now.

I have had mountain after mountain of trials over the past year, and it is nice to get a reprieve from those. The funny thing is though, that my trials haven't disappeared, but my attitude of complaining has.

I woke this morning being thankful. As I watched slow flakes fall and glisten in the air, I saw such beauty and I thanked God for His creation.

As I think about what has changed lately in my life, I realize that nothing really has...except ME.

My trust in God has exceeded heights I never knew was possible. I have come to lean on the One who holds my world in His hands. I have come to trust that He really does "have a plan for my future...to prosper me and not to harm me...to give me hope and a future."

Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God"

I used to think this verse meant to thank God for EVERYTHING, including the bad stuff. Although there is some truth to that, I suddenly realize I am to have an "attitude of thanksgiving/gratitude" as I present my requests to God.

For example: I do not have to be thankful that my checkbook is down to mere cents so close to Christmas, BUT I can be thankful knowing my Heavenly Father and perfect Provider has my finances covered. Some how, some way, He is still in control and I know He ALWAYS provides for my needs!

I do not have to be thankful for the trials my oldest child is going through, BUT I can rest in the fact that even though I am three hours away...God is beside Him. I can find peace in knowing that Jesus knocks on the door of his heart. I can have joy because I KNOW God also has my son's future in His hands.

Finances and my children...my two biggest sources of anxiety and fear...YET I can offer my praises to God because even though things look bleak in the natural, with what my eyes can see, I KNOW God is about to break through in the supernatural!

How do I know??? God has given me promises, though the Word of God, the Bible, about my finances AND my children's futures. He continues to point me to verses about prosperity and blessings financially. He also continues to give me verse upon verse about BOTH of my children serving the Lord, and about them BOTH having the peace of God.

So I can rest. I can be thankful. I can have peace.

And because of the daily time I spend with God, I can KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW that He is FOR me, and not AGAINST me. I know I don't have to spend hours in anxious prayer time begging Him to take care of what I cannot. I just have to pray scripture back to God, scriptures/promises HE gave me, and KNOW that He is STILL God...and STILL in control of my future...

I encourage you to open your Bible to any of these verses listed, and really ask God what they mean, what they "look like", for your own life. Ask Him for promises you can stand upon during your tough seasons of life.

I pray that you will develop an attitude of gratitude in your life as you really realize that God is the Master Builder of your life, and He holds the blueprints of your life in His hands.

"Give thanks..."

"Shout for joy..."

"Sing a song..."

"Rejoice..."

Little words. Short phrases. Simplicity, right???

Well, it should be. In actuality, it really is, yet somehow we (er...um...I) make it harder than what it should be.

In my quiet time with Jesus, my heart has been impressed with the common theme of joy.

JOY - JOY - JOY

Say that word by itself, and it only tells me what I wish I had. It doesn't tell me what I need to do to have joy, nor does it tell me how to obtain it. It just reminds me of a deep desire of something I wish my soul possessed. Joy...

I'm a "fast food" kind of girl. I order it. I want it. And I would like it now-please-and-thank-you. I don't care for fancy food and I don't care how long it has simmered for. Just get it on my plate. If I smell it, then it should be time to eat it.

I don't like exercise, yet am in great need of some major weight loss! I'm still waiting for the miracle revival meeting where I get Holy Spirit "zapped" & all my weight is shed off at the altar, with everyone praising the Lord, while I dance around, falling out of my overly huge clothes from my instantaneous miracle weight loss.

"Are you ready to stop smoking?" my wonderful doctor asks, where I stubbornly reply, "Not unless you have an instant cure-of-a-pill where I will never crave another cigarette, will not gain weight, will not have mood swings, and can guarantee it will be an easy-peasy, happy journey to being a non-smoker."

So, imagine my response when God told me what the answer to having joy was!!!

Can ya guess??? Go ahead! Guess!

I gasped. Like the kind of "gasp" I did when He told me I probably would not have my instantaneous "Revival-miracle-weight-loss" experience.

"Give thanks Heaven! In ALL things! In ALL seasons! In ALL circumstances! When your checkbook is empty, give thanks that your needs are being met! When...give thanks!"

Well, I kinda' do that anyway. Sorta'. Um...sometimes. Well, only when it's not THAT bad! But I suppose I could give thanks more. Sure, no problem.

"SHOUT for joy Heaven! Give out a shout to me for all of the wonderful things you DO HAVE!"

I don't want to shout, but o-kay, if I have to, I suppose I can try.

"Sing a song sweet Heaven! When you sing a song of praise, it penetrates the darkness around you! Sing when you are sad. Sing when you are happy. Sing when you are worried. Sing when you are peaceful. Sing when you are depressed. Sing when you feel content. Sing. Sing. Sing! Especially when you don't feel like it!!!"

Hmmm...This list is sounding pretty familiar. I'm sure I have heard this before. Actually, many times before! I guess I am supposed to sing!!!

"Rejoice Heaven, rejoice! You are so busy looking at everything you do NOT have that you are failing to see all that you DO have. Cultivate an attitude of praise. It really does create joy. At first, it may seem odd and it may feel uncomfortable, but every time you CHOOSE to rejoice rather than despair, you are choosing to walk closer to joy..."

I don't know about you, but I really am tired of sitting on the sidelines and watching others experience joy while I still sit miserable. I often wonder if God lets us get to that place of getting "sick and tired of being sick and tired" so we will finally do what He's been asking us to do for forever!

What has God been asking you to do? Are you ready to do it? Are you finally ready to take the journey that He has placed in front of you over and over and over and over? I'm thankful God never gives up on me! I'm thankful that He continues to encourage me to walk forward on the individual journey that He's placed me on!

21 years ago...

...my father took his last breath...

in a hospital bed...

After hanging on...

silently...

day after day...

for 7 days...

in a coma...
-----------------------------------------------------

DAY 1- DAY 3

The doctors said:--->

He's brain dead.
Wait!

He's not brain dead.
Never mind.
I guess he's brain dead after all.
He's not breathing on his own.
He will never wake up.
He could be in a coma for years.
He will be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
"I recommend you pull the plug."

"Heaven, (15yo girl), what do YOU want?"
(I want my dad to jump up & hug me & talk to me!!!)

"...um...I don't know."

Life support disconnected.

-------------------------------------------

"It should only be a few hours now."
-------------------------------------------

Waiting.
Pacing.
Crying.
Waiting...

------------------------------------------
4 DAYS LATER...

"Maybe we should put a feeding tube in!"
"He's breathing on his own."
"There is still brain activity."
"He's hanging on."
"He's a fighter."
"I can't believe he's still here!"
"The probabilities are high!"
"He should have died."
"He can come out of this."
"Let's give it another shot!"

RECOMMENDATION...
Short Surgery time to put a feeding tube in.
(My aunt & I joyfully go eat lunch)

---------------------------------------------
INTERCOM:
(20 minutes later)

"Would the family of Jerry Moorhouse please
return to the patient's room?"
---------------------------------------------

"Wow! That was really quick!"

--------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry"
"He's gone."

"It's almost as if he waited until
no one was around...
and then gave up."

----------------------------------------------

21 YEARS AGO, My dad shot himself.
21 YEARS LATER, his 5 adult children still mourn.

-----------------------------------------------
We remember this day each year...

and still wonder...

what life would've been like if...

• He could have seen us each graduate.
• He could have "given away" his 3 daughters on their wedding days.
• He could have met his youngest son's wife.
• He could have met his oldest son's fiance.
• He could have met his grandchildren.

--------------------------------------------------

Suicide is never the answer.
Ever...

21 years is a LONG time...

To
leave
your
children
behind
to
long
for
just
one
more
word,
one
more
hug,
ONE
MORE...

"I love you."

Perfect strength!

It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.

Psalm 18:32

---------------------------------------

Lately I find myself crying myself to sleep
My strength gets me through the day victoriously...
but as I lie my head on my pillow at night,
I lose it...

The tears fall...
My head spins...
The discouragement comes...
I feel alone...
I wonder...
I cry some more...
I feel rejected...
I feel second-class...
I feel unworthy.

In those moments,
I pray to the One who knows it all.
I cry out to the One who catches my tears.
I summon my Creator...
My King...
My Savior...
My Comforter...
& beg Him to come to my side.

"Abba Father, please
take this cup from me!
Please take this ache from my heart!
Please make it different!
Please take my thoughts!"

A big sigh escapes from my weary soul...

& suddenly I KNOW...

I know He's there...
next to me...
I KNOW He's holding my heart...
I can picture Him stroking my face.
He stops my mind from spinning...
He soothes my pain...
He stills my breathing...
still heavy from sobbing...

And I KNOW I'm o-kay.
I KNOW morning will bring
fresh manna of new strength!
I KNOW weeping remains
only for a night...
& rejoicing will come
with the morning!

Somehow...
I know I slept soundly...
because it's morning.
I can't recall my last thought,
but I remember His touch
and His voice...

"It's o-kay sweet daughter...
I'm here."

I am renewed.
I am strengthened.
I am refreshed.
I am ready for this new day.

I thank God for HIS strength!!!

Dear Anonymous...

Dear Anonymous,

There are so many times when I write, I know I am writing for you as well. I have often asked God why I can't be like other bloggers or be a little more "private" with my emotions, and He reminds me it is for YOU.

This past month seriously has wreaked havoc on my emotions, as well as my faith, yet I have survived. I have lost a few followers, I have gained a couple new ones, but most of all, I have been as transparent as possible (you know, with this being the web and all!) *grin*, and have been true to myself AND my God!

I know there are people who read and never comment. I know some of my IRL friends stop by just to make sure I'm still alive:) I know people from my past (or present) on FB read this. I know people find my blog by accident or "coincidence"...BUT, my friend, I always pray that God would direct the people here that need to read what I write...

SO...the fact that you are here is a "God-incidence". However you got here, you are here. God chooses my followers. God chooses who needs to hear what I write. So I pray you are encouraged. I pray you are blessed.

I pray you, too, will take this journey of learning to live in your "own" skin God has given you... We'll continue to take it one day at a time...one opportunity at a time...(and we know God DEFINITELY gives us enough opportunities!)

Dear Daddy God, Please love on my friends today, the ones who take the time to read what I write. It is no accident that You bring people here to my little ole' blog. It is no accident the topics I write about. It is no accident people stumble across this address on the great World Wide Web. I thank You that although we choose our path, YOU direct our steps! I thank You that You never give up on us, even when we continue to stumble. I thank You that You keep Your angels charge over us! I thank You for the journeys that You have each one of us on...God, the destination is eternity, but the path beneath our feet is individual, unique, and carefully designed. I pray that when we come across a pebble/stone/rock along the way that seems to trip us up, that we would remember YOU knew it was there! YOU knew we'd trip! YOU knew we would hesitate to stand up & take Your extended hand full of grace & mercy! Help us to get up off the ground quickly, and back on the journey of following You--wherever You want to take us. And may we forget what is behind, straining to move forward...one step at a time...one pebble at a time...one breath at a time...pressing on toward the goal of getting to know YOU better. Thank You for loving each one of us...right where we are...however we are...right now...this day... In Jesus' name~ Amen

(p.s. Daddy- can you put a little "skip" in our step & remind us that it's o-kay to enjoy the scenery along the way. Teach us to find joy in the journey.)

Thankful Thursday

I have to admit, I've never participated in one of these before,
but today, I needed to take the time to be thankful intentionally.
I visited Marsha who led me back to
Thankful Thursdays on Lynn's Website.

This past month has greeted me with unwanted depression, worry, fear, doubt, and major discontentment. I have found myself in spiritual turmoil that grips at my peace and joy. My body has been clothed with lack of energy, motivation, and pain. My mind and emotions have been on a very long, tiring, and winding roller coaster that I couldn't seem to get off of. Praise DEFEATS despair so today I am choosing to rejoice!



I am THANKFUL...

• For praying friends!
• For a God who NEVER leaves me!
• that weeping remains only for a season &
  
• that rejoicing comes with the morning!
• for new days!
• for sleep!
• For the Word of God which encourages me.
  
• for the comfort of the Holy Spirit.
• that my name is written in eternity!
• For healthy children.
• For paid bills.
• for a roof over my head.
• for clothes on my back.
• that God IS MY promise keeper &
  
• that He holds my life (and my heart) in His grip!
• that Jesus died for ME!
• for moments of Breakthrough!
• for the friend I have in Jesus!
• that GOD has ALREADY won the war!
• that my life is hidden in Christ!
• that nothing I do can separate me from the love of God!
• that I can cast my cares at the foot of the cross!
• that satan HAS TO give me back what he's stolen!!!
• that NOTHING is over until GOD SAYS SO!!!
• that circumstances DO NOT define the outcome!
• that God is for me, not against me!
• that when God speaks, He means what He says!

------------------------------------------------
Isaiah 61:1-4
¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners, ^a]">[a]

² to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

⁴ They will rebuild the ancient ruins
and restore the places long devastated;
they will renew the ruined cities
that have been devastated for generations.

Then Jesus comes...

I'm tired
of this roller coaster
I've been on.
The ups & downs.
The emotions.
The depression.
The worry.
The circumstances.
The battle.

I cry out
to God
while I remain silent
to those around me.
I withdraw
into myself
into my circumstances
into my worry.
I get deeper
in despair
I want out...

Then Jesus comes and reminds me who HE is!
He holds my heart and lifts me out of the pit!
He tells me how precious I am!
He tells me of His love for me!
I believe Him!
I have to!
He is TRUTH!
So is God's Word!
That's what it always comes back to!
GOD IS TRUTH...
ALL THE TIME...
NO MATTER WHAT!!!

My feelings don't define what is true!
My circumstances don't define what is true!
My thoughts don't define what is true!
HE DOES!!!

He loves me!
He adores me!
He cherishes me!
His love washes over me!
He takes away my despair!
He gives me hope!
He gives me joy!
He protects me!
He is STILL in control!
His plan ALWAYS prevails!
ALL THE TIME!!!

~~Daddy God, I pray that You would make yourself real to all those reading this blog, and even those that do not. It's so easy to get wrapped up in hopelessness when we see the mountains before us, but You have already told us that they can be moved. You have already won this war! You have given us the weapons we need to battle. You go before us, beside us, and behind us.

This has not been an easy journey God, but I've been trying to do it on my own. I need YOU to wipe the obstacles out of the way, especially in my thoughts! The thoughts that tell me that there is no way through this, and the rest of the lies that the enemy is trying to plant in my heart. Renew my mind, my heart, and refresh my soul in Jesus' name. This burden is so heavy and I am sorry for trying to carry it on my own. I give it to You by laying it at the foot of the cross...I receive YOUR joy, YOUR peace, YOUR hope, YOUR renewal, YOUR yoke which is easy, YOUR will, YOUR plan, YOUR desires, YOUR love. Jesus, please bring us into a new place THIS DAY! A new place in our thoughts, in our perspective, in our life. Let us never be the same. I give up myself for more of YOU! Thank You that You still reign! Thank You that You live and move and breathe in those who have chosen You! You are my life and I love You... In Jesus' name, Amen~

STOP thinking that!!!

"Be still, and know that I am God"
Psalm 46:10a

We demolish arguments and every pretension that
sets itself up against the knowledge of God,
and we take captive every thought
to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5

I had a great day.
Didn't need to take a nap.
Wasn't discouraged or depressed.
Did a little shopping.
Cleaned a little.
I sewed & mended.
Basked in the sun rays.
Sang loud in the car.
I had a great day.


...THEN the thoughts came.

They flooded my mind...

d.o.u.b.t.
f.e.a.r.
u.n.b.e.l.i.e.f.
w.h.a.t.i.f.
w.h.a.t.a.b.o.u.t.
w.h.e.n.
h.o.w.

My mind got LOUD...

My ex-companions had arrived...

thoughts spinning...

Ugh...discouragement came!

STOP! STOP! STOP!

discouragement left...
doubt left...
unbelief left...
fear left...
the what if's left...
the how's left...
the when, where, & why's left too...


BUT not on their own...
I had to tell them to leave...
I had to choose not to think on those things...
I had to surrender my thoughts to Jesus...
& PURPOSELY "let them go!"


It wasn't easy.
BUT I had to.
My peace returned.
My joy returned.


Of course, they tried coming back throughout the day, and finally, I told God, "Seriously? I can't deal with these thoughts today! I have no control over this situation! I can't change anything this moment! I've done what I can. YOU have to take care of this! I CANNOT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS!!!"

Ah...ha!!!

It was like God handed me another key and said, "You're getting it, child...You're getting it!"

The rest of my day went well because I focused on what I did have control over and let God take care of what I did NOT.


~Oh Daddy God, help us to stop thinking of those things that bring us down! Quicken our minds IMMEDIATELY when we allow negative thoughts to linger, and remind us that we need to call upon YOU to help us. Even, us, your precious Beloved can be a little "slow" to "get it", but we want to be quicker to STOP STOP STOP our minds when they start to wander aimlessly. Help us to think on those things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy as Your Word tells us in Philippians 4:8.

We thank You that You are God and we CHOOSE to trust You to take care of the things today that we simply can NOT! Thank You for loving us and being patient with us as we grow! Help us to r.e.s.t. in Your perfect p.e.a.c.e.!!! In Jesus' Name, Amen & Amen!

Directions please!

"When you are down to nothing...
GOD is up to something!!!"

I keep reading verses on "wait on the Lord" and "persevere" and "press on" and "stand firm". Some days it's all I can do to function. What do you do when you can barely make it through your day? What do you do when you don't even know what to pray? What do you do when you don't even know what to do to get out of where you're at because you have no idea where you are and how you got there?

Somehow, (AGAIN!) I lost my focus. Or should I say my focus got redirected because I've definitely been focused! Just on the wrong things!

Set your minds on things above,
not on earthly things.
Colossians 3:2

My mind has been everywhere BUT on things above! My mind has been on my circumstances, on the "what ifs?", on worrying about things I have no control over, fearing the unknown, trying to figure out the "how's" and "why's".

By having my mind set on earthly things, I lose my joy (and quite quickly I might add!), I lose my hope, I lose my focus...

Jesus, I pray that You would help me to set my mind on things above as I choose to get my mind off of the circumstances surrounding me. I need your help because it's so easy to look at what I see, rather than what I don't see. I know Your plan for my life is so much greater than what I can even envision right now, and I thank You for believing in me & loving me through my doubt and unbelief. Jesus, please lead the people to this blog who also need this message; those who have lost their direction by focusing on their circumstances, rather than You! Put your warring angels around us as we seek to go after everything You have promised us in Your Word. YOUR promises and YOUR purposes stand FOREVER! Thank You Jesus that as we give you our worry, fear, and anxieties, that You, in return, give us peace and joy! Thank You Jesus! ~Amen

Heaven is Patient???

I have spent much time in the last week praying God's Word back to Him in intercession for the people I love. Through that, I realized this: God wants to and CAN change them, but most of all, He longs to change ME!

I get irritated sometimes.
I am short tempered at times.
I worry too much.
I doubt.
I avoid my issues.
Sometimes I'm rude.

BUT...I long to be everything God wants me to be!

So, today, I invite you to not only pray for others in your life, as well as the situations that only God can fix, but also for God to change you!

I took 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and started praying it daily, putting my name in place of the word Love. Then I do the same thing for my children and other people I am praying for. So, here is a practical way to pray these verses back to God.

[Heaven] is patient.
[Heaven] is kind.
[Heaven] does not envy.
[Heaven] does not boast.
[Heaven] is not proud.
[Heaven] is not rude.
[Heaven] is not self-seeking.
[Heaven] is not easily angered.
[Heaven] keeps no records of wrongs.
[Heaven] does not delight in evil,
but [Heaven] rejoices in the Truth!
[Heaven] always protects.
[Heaven] always trusts.
[Heaven] always hopes.
[Heaven] always perseveres.

God loves it when we pray His Word back to Him because we pray His Will. He loves to answer prayers that are prayed according to His Will. Try it. Watch God start softening your heart, as well as your family member's hearts. God's word does not return void!

Sometimes...BUT...then

Sometimes I cry.
Sometimes I get weak.
Sometimes I feel broken.
Sometimes I sob.
Sometimes I sleep.
Sometimes I want to give up.
Sometimes I can't breathe.
Sometimes the pain is too intense.
Sometimes I seem stronger than what I am.

BUT...

those are the times
Jesus holds my heart

those are the times
Jesus renews my strength

those are the times
I crawl up on Jesus' lap

those are the times
I lay my burdens down at Jesus' feet.

THEN...

He gives me strength for one more day!
He fills my heart up once again!
He reassures me of His love & acceptance!
He enables me to pick my sword up & fight!
He breathes His Spirit into me!
He tells me great & unsearchable things!
He renews my faith!
He pulls me to my feet!
He gives me more hope & love to give away!

SO THAT...

I can hold my sword up high...
and fight the good fight!
I can smile and encourage others again!
I can stand firm in His promises!
I can be a testimony of His faithfulness!

That is why I get up every morning and stand for those things that look impossible to others (sometimes even myself!). That is why I keep writing and encouraging others to press on! That is why I press on...so that YOU will press on!

I press on because I KNOW God is a
Promise Keeper!!! The Bible says so!

I press on because I WANT the prize
He has promised me!

I press on because I don't EVER WANT
to go back to living without Him!

Praying that you will continue to press on when you feel weary from the battle.

~Jesus, you know the pain and weariness of the battle we face daily. You know what it's like to be tempted by the enemy to give up. When you were praying by yourself, the devil tried to take your eyes off the goal by promising you things if only You would turn to him. Yet, You totally relied on Your Father to provide for all of Your needs! Teach us, even in our weariness, to declare: "It is written_______" when the enemy tries to get us to quit doing what it is YOU have called us to do! Thank you that YOUR strength becomes perfect in our weakness! Thank You that with YOU, ALL things are possible! Thank You that You go before us, walk beside us, and are our rear guard in every circumstance we encounter! Thank You that weeping remains for a only a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning!!! In Jesus' precious name, Amen~

Struggles...but TRUTH!

Some days I still struggle...
-----------------------------------------------
I struggle with being "wanted".

I long to be "important".

I struggle with wondering if anyone reads what I write.

I question if I make a difference.

I wonder if God is hearing my prayers.

I wonder if God really plans to do
what He says He would do.

The list of "wonder..." and "struggles"
could go on and on...

BUT THAT is where I usually stop...

because I know if I don't...

I will begin to believe all of those lies...

THAT's what they are!!!!

LIES, LIES, LIES

God says HE CHOSE ME!

God says HE DOESN'T LIE!

God says I MATTER TO HIM!

God says HE ACCEPTS ME!

God says HE HEARS MY PRAYER!
--------------------------------------

How do I know???

The B-I-B-L-E tells me so...

I CHOOSE to believe it as 100% truth!

So when the devil tries to tell me...

LIES LIES LIES LIES

I tell him....

TRUTH TRUTH TRUTH

about who Jesus says I AM TO MY DADDY!!!

Drink and eat for free!

Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters; and you who have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without cost. Isaiah 55:1

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How am I to "buy" when I don't have have any money???

How do I "drink" when my cup is empty?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Are you feeling empty today?

Are you longing for something that you do not have?

Are you weary from dreaming dreams without seeing them come to pass?

Are you tired of groaning prayers that seem to remain unanswered?

Are you discouraged from trying with all your effort and seem to be getting nowhere?

----------------------------------------------------

Jesus declared in John 6:35...

"I am the bread of life.
He who comes to me
will never go hungry,
and he who believes in me
will never be thirsty.

--------------------------------------------------

Sometimes we get so busy "trying" to be the person we "think" we are SUPPOSED TO BE or "doing" the things we "think" we are SUPPOSED TO DO that we forget
to draw from the well of life- Jesus Christ.

If you are hungry, thirsty, cold, and weary from your journey, snuggle up with Jesus, and draw from the well of water that He offers. RESTING means to lean on...BE STILL means don't move...

Some of us are too busy "DOING" that we forget to just "BE"... We get too busy "DOING" the "Martha" role... that we need to be reminded to simply "BE" in the "Mary" role... sitting at the feet of Jesus and enjoying the presence of Jesus... instead of preparing for the arrival of Jesus... who is already there... next to you... as you read these words... simply waiting for you to be "un-busy" enough to enjoy His presence...

He's there... sitting next to you... wanting to tell you wonderful things... and waiting for you to put down the "broom" of "doing" & "BE" the heavenly "dustpan" that He desires to fill with refreshment, good things, and every good and perfect gift.

...for he satisfies the thirsty and
fills the hungry with good things.
Psalm 107:9

Feeling alone in the desert???

EVER FEEL LIKE THIS?????


(Image from web)
So alone?

Like you simply may fall at any moment?

Like you may lose your foothold with one step?

Like every dream you desired...is blowing away?


There are different things people are going through right now, but I am finding that people are lonely...for different reasons. Maybe you have lost someone dear to you, either in death or separation. Maybe you are in ministry and you are dealing with something that you can only go to God with. Maybe you have broken-up with someone you love. Maybe you are just-plain-lonely...even in a room full of people.

In my journey, I am lonely for a different reason. All of my life, I have run to people with every problem and every circumstance BEFORE and (in some cases) INSTEAD of God. I have found my comfort in people...in people's words and encouragement...in their embrace...in just simply "talking" about it...

This has left me listening to the advice of other people...
often leading me to follow their well-meaning advice...
Which has caused me to seek people rather than God...

I'm not saying it's good to isolate yourself, trust me, I've been there enough too, but for me, right now, I am on a journey of hearing God's voice. Because He is my Shepherd, and I am His sheep, I hear His voice. I used to run to the "wise" people or people with a prophetic gifting for the answer...not the confirmation! There is a huge difference!

I NEEDED them to tell me what to do, because I was sooooooooo convinced if they told me what to do, then all would be good. Many times, I went with their voice rather than the soft, still nudging of the Spirit of God within me, because "they" could hear God better than I!!! What I am finding to be truth is this: "The same Spirit that lives inside of them...lives inside of me!"

Again, I'm not saying that confirmation isn't needed, but if you constantly run to other people for the ANSWER, you may miss out on what GOD wants to tell you!!! True story:) So, if you need confirmation, go AFTER you have spoken to God...

What I am also finding in this lonely new journey is that by the time I've poured my heart out to God, either in prayer or in my journal, I don't need to run to people, because He's either already answered me or comforted me. I still occasionally go to people, but not with EVERYthing that I used to. I know some of the closest people to me feel "left out of the loop" right now, because I'm not calling them every 5 minutes everyday with my concerns, complaints, and moaning and groaning. I'm sorry for that...but I'm not sorry for the journey I am on with God...

In the desert, I find my God...
walking hand in hand with me...
He hears my every cry and plea...
Oh, what a wonderful place to be...

I run to the cross
and there I find...
Him waiting for me...
wanting to touch my heart and mind.

He holds me tight...
He takes my load...
He restores my hope...
on this long and winding road...

I'm not afraid...
to walk alone...
as long as HE'S there...
to meet me at the throne!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you are feeling lonely, call out to Jesus! He truly does satisfy your deepest longings and desires, but most of all, His Spirit comforts more than anything OR ANYONE here on earth ever can. He has created, in us, a place where only He can fill, and that's why we are left feeling lonely when we try to fill that place in our heart with anything other than HIM!

Jesus~Please be near to all who read this today! Meet them right where they are at as they cry out to you. You hold every one of our tears...You can take every one of our fears...and give us YOUR comfort and peace in return. I thank YOU for YOUR amazing love that You cover us in, especially when we don't feel like we deserve it. Thank You, Lord, for hearing the cries of those reaching out to You right now. Show them Your tangible love as You have shown me...Amen~

I will NEVER leave you, nor forsake you!
Hebrews 13:5

My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
Psalm 62:1

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him
Psalm 62:5

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

Are you sad???

"Come to me,

all you who are
weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest"

Matthew 11:28


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Do you ever get discouraged? I do...

Do you ever feel sad? I do...

Do you ever feel like "giving up?" I do...

Do you ever just want to sleep your life away? I do...

Do you ever lose your focus? I do.

Do you get tired of waiting for God to answer? I do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I used to "go" there and STAY there for long periods of time to the point that I really couldn't function. I couldn't be the mom my kids needed. I couldn't keep my house clean. I couldn't face people outside my home. I would isolate myself from the outside world; not answering the phone, not reaching out to people, etc.

All I could do was sleep...

...everyday...

...for days....

...and sometimes...

...weeks...

Even a year 1/2 ago, That is how I survived!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every once in awhile, I resort back to that mode of survival. This m0rning, I woke up, and felt that old aching pulling at my soul...driving me back to bed with my head buried under the covers. I lay there for awhile, staring at the clock, and rehearsing doubt in my mind...over and over...until I dozed off to "dream-land".

Before I did, however, Isaiah 35 came to my mind. Not knowing that passage off the top of my head, I grabbed the Bible sitting next to my bed, and looked it up. God spoke to my heart as He drew me to similar verses that I found in a different chapter earlier this morning...

Although I still CHOSE to succumb to a morning of despair and isolation under my covers, God still CHOSE to "show up" and speak life and hope to my heart! He sought me out...knowing I would still choose to sleep...and CHOSE to encourage me anyway!

I woke a couple hours later to my heart jumping out of my chest with the sound of the phone. I sat up...tried to collect my thoughts...and attempted to decipher the dream I woke up from...(all while ignoring the phone! Sorry Mr. Eye Dr. for not answering my phone! Thank you for letting me know my contacts were in.)

I got up, went for my coffee...still trying to process what was going through my mind. I started going through my phone to see my missed calls/texts, when suddenly, it hit me....

"I've been played!!!"

I allowed circumstances to dictate an outcome! I allowed despair to rule in my heart! I allowed myself to lose focus by focusing on that which I see instead of that which I cannot see! I allowed life to steal my joy....(and my morning!) AGAIN!!!

At this point, I was feeling MORE discouraged because I "gave in" to old behaviors and patterns. As my soul was being dragged down farther, I remembered this...

"Hey, I don't HAVE to stay here!!!"

Well, that's easy to say, but that requires work on my part. Pretending to be happy and thankful until I feel that way. Choosing to speak positively. Blah, blah, blah...

I sat down with my Bible, and re-evaluated Isaiah 35, which God gave me before I fell asleep. Ha! I looked back at my journal and the other verses He gave me earlier. Ha! I began to get excited. (Not much...but enough to decide to stay awake and out of bed!)

I kept looking and I prayed these verses back to God. Ha! My heart was feeling hope again. I put on some worship music even though I really didn't feel like it. Ha! Something lifted. I felt a little better. I re-read my journal and promises that God HAS given me. Ha! I was getting re-energized again!

I started declaring things as if they already were in existence! WOW! I was really feeling good! I started praying and praising God for what I have and for what He's already done! WooHoo! I was feeling great!

I started singing to the worship music that played (that I really didn't want to put on in the first place!) and my soul soared in the presence of God. He was filling my heart with HIS hope and joy and faith!

Within 1/2 hour, I WAS EXCITED...AND HOPEFUL...AND RENEWED...AND READY AGAIN FOR THIS THING CALLED LIFE...

ALL because I CHOSE to turn to God, instead of my feelings & circumstances. Now, nothing has changed in my circumstances, except I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that God is working! He is working in ways that I can't even imagine or comprehend! THAT excites me!

Put on the garment of praise
(especially when you
don't FEEL like it!)
for the spirit of heaviness!!!

Isaiah 61:3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

Stand FIRM!

Life has a way of interrupting our plans...whether it be circumstances, people, roadblocks, or unforeseeable mountains. That is just the way life is! That is how we learn, grow, and mature in our daily walk.

It can be frustrating when someone doesn't react the way you expect, or says something to hurt your ego. It is also frustrating when someone accuses of you of being someone or doing something that is out of your character.

Life's circumstances has the potential to steal our focus, as well as our joy. The job promotion you were expecting goes to someone else. The promise made to you is broken. You or someone you love is diagnosed with a life threatening (or even terminal) illness. The marriage you thought was firm is shaken. The friendship you hold dear to your heart is shattered into a million pieces. You poor your heart out to a person or in your blog and are totally rejected.

Everyone has life circumstances that rattle their "nicely-put-together" life. Maybe you are experiencing one now that has brought a whirlwind of chaos into your house or your thoughts. Welcome to this thing we call: "LIFE"...

That totally does NOT sound very encouraging! I agree...

Resist him, standing firm in the faith,
because you know that your brothers
throughout the world are undergoing
the same kind of sufferings.

1 Peter 5:9

I see in this verse that other people are not absent from the sufferings that I have in my life. Granted, this verse isn't talking about MY circumstance directly, BUT here lies a word of encouragement from the writer of 1 Peter.

Written in today's language (totally MY interpretation!!!), Peter may say to you today, in the midst of your frustration & hurt of your life's circumstance:

"Hello??? Seriously??? Why in the world are you allowing the devil to steal your joy & peace? Don't you see he has NO authority over you? Resist him! Tell him to take his lies and go elsewhere! I know this is hard for you, but you WILL get through this!!! Stand firm in God's TRUTH! Stand firm in what GOD has spoken to you! Stand firm in what YOU KNOW God has called you to!!! Do NOT give up! You are NOT alone in this type of suffering! I KNOW people who have been through this and THEY MADE IT! Be encouraged and know YOU WILL get to the other side of this!!!"

As I look at this verse in its original context, it doesn't quite say that very thing, but the idea behind it (and many others) is the same! We do NOT have to give in when life gets hard! We do NOT have to crawl into our safe and isolated shell when things or people come against us! We do NOT have to give up on the promises God has spoken to us JUST BECAUSE others don't see it! You don't have to cave when your world comes crashing down!

Peter says, "Resist him..." (meaning the devil, as written in the previous verse). When the lies (broken records) come into your mind, you REFUSE to believe them! "Well, how do I know if it's a lie or truth?" Read the Bible, and seek out what God says about you!

I will post soon on that subject, but for this moment, simply STAND FIRM and DO NOT give up!

Be encouraged through some of the other Bible verses I found regarding Standing Firm!

2 Timothy 2:9a Nevertheless, God's solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: "The Lord knows those who are his,"

Exodus 14:13 Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again.

2 Chronicles 20:17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "

Ephesians 6:14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place

2 Corinthians 1:21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ.

1 Thessalonians 3:8 For now we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord.

1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

2 Corinthians 1:24 Not that we lord it over your faith, but we work with you for your joy, because it is by faith you stand firm.

Luke 21:19 By standing firm you will gain life.

Matthew 24:13 but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Matthew 10:22 All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Proverbs 10:25 When the storm has swept by, the wicked are gone, but the righteous stand firm forever.

Psalm 20:8 They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm

Job 11:15 then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.

But the plans of the LORD
stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart
through all generations.

Psalm 33:11

"Pick me"

Did you know that God "picked you first"? He chose you and I before the foundation of this earth. He calls you by name. He planed your destiny. He knows your future. He knows everything about you and STILL chooses you.

That ministry lying before you...Yep, He's chosen YOU for that.

The child who screams "I hate you" when angry...Yep, He chose YOU to be that child's parent.

The task before you that seems impossible...Yep, He chose YOU for that too!

God will never call you to something He won't equip you for.

Ephesians 1:11 says, In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.

1 Peter 2:9 says, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."

God has searched the earth for you and chosen YOU...this day...this moment...and for the task at hand...

In our own strength, we can do nothing. In His strength, we can do ALL things.

When a lie tries to enter your thoughts, you have to speak truth to it. Out loud! Recite a Bible verse, that counteracts that lie. I deal with rejection issues, so anytime I feel rejected I recite the verse below.

Psalm 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake (reject) me, the Lord will receive me.

I usually say, "Though I feel as ______ has rejected me, I thank you Lord that you will always receive me."

Choose a verse, and then personalize it, and speak it OUTLOUD back to God.