Then Jesus comes...

I'm tired
of this roller coaster
I've been on.
The ups & downs.
The emotions.
The depression.
The worry.
The circumstances.
The battle.

I cry out
to God
while I remain silent
to those around me.
I withdraw
into myself
into my circumstances
into my worry.
I get deeper
in despair
I want out...

Then Jesus comes and reminds me who HE is!
He holds my heart and lifts me out of the pit!
He tells me how precious I am!
He tells me of His love for me!
I believe Him!
I have to!
He is TRUTH!
So is God's Word!
That's what it always comes back to!
GOD IS TRUTH...
ALL THE TIME...
NO MATTER WHAT!!!

My feelings don't define what is true!
My circumstances don't define what is true!
My thoughts don't define what is true!
HE DOES!!!

He loves me!
He adores me!
He cherishes me!
His love washes over me!
He takes away my despair!
He gives me hope!
He gives me joy!
He protects me!
He is STILL in control!
His plan ALWAYS prevails!
ALL THE TIME!!!

~~Daddy God, I pray that You would make yourself real to all those reading this blog, and even those that do not. It's so easy to get wrapped up in hopelessness when we see the mountains before us, but You have already told us that they can be moved. You have already won this war! You have given us the weapons we need to battle. You go before us, beside us, and behind us.

This has not been an easy journey God, but I've been trying to do it on my own. I need YOU to wipe the obstacles out of the way, especially in my thoughts! The thoughts that tell me that there is no way through this, and the rest of the lies that the enemy is trying to plant in my heart. Renew my mind, my heart, and refresh my soul in Jesus' name. This burden is so heavy and I am sorry for trying to carry it on my own. I give it to You by laying it at the foot of the cross...I receive YOUR joy, YOUR peace, YOUR hope, YOUR renewal, YOUR yoke which is easy, YOUR will, YOUR plan, YOUR desires, YOUR love. Jesus, please bring us into a new place THIS DAY! A new place in our thoughts, in our perspective, in our life. Let us never be the same. I give up myself for more of YOU! Thank You that You still reign! Thank You that You live and move and breathe in those who have chosen You! You are my life and I love You... In Jesus' name, Amen~

Heaven is Patient???

I have spent much time in the last week praying God's Word back to Him in intercession for the people I love. Through that, I realized this: God wants to and CAN change them, but most of all, He longs to change ME!

I get irritated sometimes.
I am short tempered at times.
I worry too much.
I doubt.
I avoid my issues.
Sometimes I'm rude.

BUT...I long to be everything God wants me to be!

So, today, I invite you to not only pray for others in your life, as well as the situations that only God can fix, but also for God to change you!

I took 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 and started praying it daily, putting my name in place of the word Love. Then I do the same thing for my children and other people I am praying for. So, here is a practical way to pray these verses back to God.

[Heaven] is patient.
[Heaven] is kind.
[Heaven] does not envy.
[Heaven] does not boast.
[Heaven] is not proud.
[Heaven] is not rude.
[Heaven] is not self-seeking.
[Heaven] is not easily angered.
[Heaven] keeps no records of wrongs.
[Heaven] does not delight in evil,
but [Heaven] rejoices in the Truth!
[Heaven] always protects.
[Heaven] always trusts.
[Heaven] always hopes.
[Heaven] always perseveres.

God loves it when we pray His Word back to Him because we pray His Will. He loves to answer prayers that are prayed according to His Will. Try it. Watch God start softening your heart, as well as your family member's hearts. God's word does not return void!

Get aggressive!

Get aggressive...

You can sit back and twiddle your fingers, getting trampled on by your circumstances and the enemy, OR you can be active and aggressive in PRAYER, and receive the victory and the promises that are RIGHTFULLY yours because of Jesus Christ!


Matthew 11:12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force

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Start demanding...

Like it or not, believe it or not, we have an enemy who wants to steal, kill, and destroy from you! You can agree or disagree, but the fact is that there is good, and there is evil! God vs. Satan (Devil). If he can keep you from believing that he exists, or even from believing that God exists, then you've already been defeated! Sorry, true story. We don't need to focus on "Oh, no, Satan is big and horrible and...", because TRUTH is that the very spoken name of Jesus Christ crushes him. Yes, he does things to wreak havoc, BUT my God is BIGGER!!! MORE powerful! MORE effective!!! When you speak the Word of God, the Bible, you are not only praying God's Word back to God, you are also defeating your enemy.


Here's the amazing thing! He's already been defeated! If you are a child of God (accepted Jesus into your heart), then 1 John 4:4 says, "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world."


Once you realize the things you are believing are lies (because the truth is the Bible!), you can claim this verse and start demanding your repayment. Proverbs 6:31 "If he (a thief, which is what Satan is) is caught, he MUST pay seven fold." THAT means He owes you EVERYTHING that He's stolen or has tried to steal from your life: health, children, joy, marriages, friendships, love, jobs, finances, etc. PLUS MORE!


Call forth... Romans 4:17 ..."He is our father in the sight of God, in whom he believed- The God who gives life to the dead & calls things that ARE NOT as IF THEY WERE!

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Get violent!

Get violent...

Do you want what God has promised you?

Are you praying for it?

Are you seeking HIM?

Do you desire MORE in your life?

Are you tired of the ups and downs?

Do you get tired of doubting the voice of God?

Are you tired of wavering back and forth in unbelief?

Have you lost your joy in the journey?

Are you tired of fighting day in and day out with YOURself?


God has MORE for us! More than just waking up, doing life, and ending our day in sleep. He has VICTORY here on earth for us! He has JOY unspeakable! He has PEACE! He has FULFILLMENT for us...NOW, not just in eternity.


I don't know about you, but I WANT IT!
I WANT ALL THAT GOD
SAYS I CAN HAVE!
HERE...& NOW...TODAY...AND FOREVER!

You need to speak to the storms in your life TODAY. You need to aggressively go after it in prayer. You need to tell the devil where to go...directly back to hell. You need to saturate yourself in the Word of God. You need to take God AT HIS WORD and quit letting others tell you what you SHOULD BE doing. You need to get so close to God that you KNOW His voice without a doubt!

How do you do this? You open your Bible! You read your Bible! God's Word doesn't return void (Isaiah 55:11) which means that it WILL accomplish what it says it will. Every scripture you read or post or pray MAKES A DIFFERENCE in the Spiritual realm. EVERYtime. NO exceptions.

Ephesians 6 describes how to put on the armor of God. Read it. Memorize it. Use it. Do it. It mentions the sword of the Spirit being the Word of God. Picture a battle with swords. A sword can pierce. A sword can slice. A sword is a weapon. Sword of Spirit=Bible...get it? Speak the Word of God OUTLOUD!!!

God has already won this battle for you! He has already defeated your enemies! He has already given you those things you have asked Him for! When Jesus died on the cross, He said, "It is Finished!!!" Done. Completed. End of story. Declare scripture back to God. Jesus is the One who said it. He doesn't lie. He wants YOU to believe it and receive it and declare it!

In our own strength, we can do NOTHING, but God's power, the resurrection power through Jesus Christ, can do EVERYTHING!!! Search the Bible on how God "showed up" and how Jesus performed miracles. Look at these verses on how the Holy Spirit "showed up". He came with force. Speak boldly and "show up" in prayer with a heavenly violence through Jesus Christ!


Acts 2:1-3 ¹When the day of Pentecost came, they were all together in one place. ²Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting. ³They saw what seemed to be tongues of fire that separated and came to rest on each of them.

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Acts 16:25-26 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. ²⁶Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose.

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Recapture...

Recapture~ To capture again...recover by capture...retake...to bring back by remembering...seize...take hold of...obtain...

This sounds like an action word. One which requires movement...forceful...taking of...purposeful...involves strategy...not a passive activity...

What do you need to recapture in your life today? Is it joy of the Lord? Freedom from bondage or addiction? A grateful attitude? A childlike faith? A servant's heart? Smiles and laughter? Quietness? Stillness? Quality time with your family or with your children? Your position in Christ? Lost hope or dreams? A slender figure? Finances?

Whatever it may be, God doesn't expect you to do alone.

He does, however, expect us to do our part. We are God's warriors and we are strong in and because of Christ Jesus.

Do you ever realize how fighting for justice or getting your kids to obey is not always an easy process? It takes commitment, discipline, consistency, and persistence. The same is true of life.

Joel 3:9 Proclaim this among the nations: Prepare for war! Rouse the warriors! Let all the fighting men draw near and attack.

It is time to quit complaining and making excuses on why we are not doing the things God is asking us to do. It's time to recapture those things in your life that God has given you authority and power over. You are not helpless or weak, because HE is strong. You are not a prisoner of your situation because HE has redeemed you by the blood of the lamb. You are not a victim, but..."more than a conquerer."

Let's proclaim that we are children of God, we are going to stand, we are going to make a difference, and we are going to recapture those things in which the enemy has tried to steal from us!

"Pick me"

Did you know that God "picked you first"? He chose you and I before the foundation of this earth. He calls you by name. He planed your destiny. He knows your future. He knows everything about you and STILL chooses you.

That ministry lying before you...Yep, He's chosen YOU for that.

The child who screams "I hate you" when angry...Yep, He chose YOU to be that child's parent.

The task before you that seems impossible...Yep, He chose YOU for that too!

God will never call you to something He won't equip you for.

Ephesians 1:11 says, In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will.

1 Peter 2:9 says, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light."

God has searched the earth for you and chosen YOU...this day...this moment...and for the task at hand...

In our own strength, we can do nothing. In His strength, we can do ALL things.

When a lie tries to enter your thoughts, you have to speak truth to it. Out loud! Recite a Bible verse, that counteracts that lie. I deal with rejection issues, so anytime I feel rejected I recite the verse below.

Psalm 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake (reject) me, the Lord will receive me.

I usually say, "Though I feel as ______ has rejected me, I thank you Lord that you will always receive me."

Choose a verse, and then personalize it, and speak it OUTLOUD back to God.

Practice speaking positive!

Do you ever face Depression?
Do you find your self overwhelmed
with condemnation, shame & failure?



Do you find yourself hearing "broken records"
in your head over & over & over telling you
that you are worthless, a failure, &
will never amount to anything.



Do you find your self filled with Self-condemnation?
Does your vocabulary include alot of
"would've...should've...could've"?



Does your future look bleak as you
question your purpose?



Psalm 40:2 says, "He [God] lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and the mire; He set my feet on a rock, & gave me a firm place to stand."

In fact, Psalms is full of David's cries to God, making me speculate that He, too, dealt with similar feelings of despair, depression and gloom!



I'm gonna' let you in on a little secret!
I struggle with these SAME things DAILY!!!
I wake up in the morning & before my feet
hit the floor, I am complaining in my head!!!

I instantly hear my own broken records:
"You're a loser! Why even get out of bed?"
"Hmmm...what are you going to screw up today?"
"Woop-de-doo...another day! Bah...."



Surprised? I seem so positive all the time, right???
It seems as if my life is "grandiose" &
now that I'm free of depression,
I never struggle!!! AGAIN- I say...

"NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My last post was about me! Depression, anxiety, worry, gloom, condemnation, shame and failure are constantly at MY door wanting to come in!!! I had a commenter saying, "Yes, I can relate, now what does that mean? How do I not let all of those negative things in?"



THAT, my friend, is what I CAN tell you!!! THAT, is what I have been practicing for MONTHS! THAT, is what has brought me my positive attitude!

Let me share: As I said before, EVERYday I struggle with those negative thoughts. BUT I refuse to dwell on them. I REFUSE, most of the time, to EVEN speak them! I REFUSE to let them dictate WHO I AM!!! I REFUSE to let them TELL me how my day is going to be!!!

Now granted, I have moments & days that I can't just "snap" out of it, but I REFUSE to stay there. If you are not "o-kay", THAT is o-kay! Just don't stay there!

Ok, practical applications:

(WARNING: I haven't found a way to stay positive for long without the Word of God. If you are looking for a magic answer, outside of God, what I have to say will probably disappoint you!)

When those thoughts come into my mind, I have the CHOICE to accept them as truth, or to believe in the Words of the Bible which God has told me as TRUTH.


If I am I going to think/speak negative, then more than likely, I will have a negative attitude, a negative outlook, a negative personality, and probably a really bad day!

If I am going to think/speak positive, then I will feel better, will smile more, will have a better perspective, and have a pretty decent day!

In counseling or psychology, that would be positive thinking.

Then, you look in the mirror, and tell yourself all these wonderful things about yourself, that you don't really believe, but have been told to do because it makes a difference.

In counseling, this would be called "Self Affirmations".

Now remember, I've had over 20 years of counseling, and I NEVER truly got free until I chose using the WORD of God, the Bible, as my truth!


For me, I wake up, am bombarded with negative, and within moments, I tell satan (the author of those negative thoughts) to go to hell, in the name of Jesus, where he belongs! Now, that I've decided the negative thoughts are LIES, I now have to tell myself TRUTH. For me, that's using Bible scripture, because that is my TRUTH- God's Truth!

Then I speak these things to myself!

"I am a Child of God, and am accepted!"
"I WILL make a difference today because GOD chose me!"
"There is NO condemnation in Christ Jesus!"
"I am forgiven."
"I am a daughter of the King!"
(that makes me a Princess, btw:D)
"I may be weak, but GOD IS strong in me!"
"I believe what the Lord has said WILL be accomplished!"
"BOTH of my sons WILL serve the Lord!"

This is some of the verses that God gave me, to declare over the things in my life. If you open a Bible, and ask God to give you a verse to speak out loud, He WILL! There are concordances where you can look up a topic (worry, anxiety, fear, depression, etc.) and it will give you a list of scriptures that you can recite.

God calls the Bible the "sword of the Spirit" because when spoken & utilized in the above manner, it slices and dices all of those negative thoughts!!!


There are days, when I have to speak out the same scripture over & over & over because a particular thought keeps ringing the doorbell to my mind. Eventually, it leaves... Just like condemnation, guilt & failure did in my last blog post.

*Write scripture down & speak it outloud.
*Decide NOT to let negative thoughts roam freely.
*Find someone to pray for you.
*Practice, practice, practice speaking positively.

If you would like help finding what God has to say about a particular subject you are dealing with, please e-mail me: heavsparks@yahoo.com

Soon, you will start feeling HOPE again!

Got heavy shoulders???

As I've grown in my faith, I've learned that one of my gifts is Compassion. It's awesome to be able to encourage other people without giving it another thought. It was always the quality in my mother that I LOVED growing up! She was ALWAYS encouraging other people and ALWAYS had people at our house. I always prayed, "Lord, I don't want to be like my mom, BUT I want a heart like hers!"

If you have teenagers or ever WERE a teenager, then you know that praying a prayer like that is HUGE! At least it was for me, because even though I loved my mom, hello...I was a teenager and um...she was not cool...(at least then she wasn't!) (My friends always thought she was cool though!)

Well, over the years, I am grateful that God gave me the gift I admired most in my mother (and of course, the gift of cleaning & being organized!)

There are times when "caring about others" becomes burdensome. There are times when I get weary of "caring". There are times when the load gets toooooooooooooo hard to carry and I get exhausted from "caring" so much!

When I get overloaded with feeling other people's pain, I have to step back and re-evaluate the situation. Usually, I find that I am "carrying their burden" instead of laying the burden at the feet of Jesus and "caring for them". Then, I realize that I desire their freedom MORE than they desire it, and I realize I'm getting frustrated because I'm putting more prayer and "heart" into their life than they are.

Then....as if that weren't enough revelation...God shows me that I'M TRYING TO FIX the situation, instead of allowing God to fix the situation. Seriously God??? Yep.....

So, how do I know if I'm overloaded with someone else's problems?

1) Well, I feel it physically. I get tired easily. My body usually aches, with either headaches, or stiffness in my neck or shoulders. I then have to decipher: am I worrying about my problems or someone else's? Whatever it may be, I HAVE TO lay it at the feet of Jesus. My shoulders aren't strong enough to bear the weight of the world, whether it's my own issues or other people's issues. I then pray and intentionally BREATHE! I think when we are worried, we tend to hold our breath more, and we deprive ourselves of well-needed oxygen.

2) I'm thinking about this problem over and over and over, and over again! If I'm worried about someone else, I find myself thinking about them often and how they could just solve their situation if they would just ___________ (whatever it may be). If I'm worried about my own issues, that too, consumes my mind. We have to be conscious about what we are thinking about or our minds will spin and spin until we've found our thoughts spinning out of control.

3) I find myself resenting the person I'm "caring" about. I begin to resent the fact that they are choosing not to do what they need to. As I write this, I'm already finding anger rising up in me because I totally "see" the potential this person has, and if they would only_________, then they could overcome this trial in their life, and be able to walk in victory like God wants them too.

O-kay, so you get the idea.

Now...what to do about it!?!?!

It has taken me a couple days to realize what is going on in me, and now after figuring out that I am carrying too much on my shoulders, I need to do something about it. Well, I don't have to, BUT if I don't, then I am CHOOSING to remain irritated, depressed, and overwhelmed.

So, for me, I've had to first of all, PRAY, and PRAY some more. "Lord Jesus, You care about this person WAYYYYYYYYYY more than I do, and so I give You this situation and this person that I have "taken on" and have tried to "fix". I'm sorry for thinking "I" was big enough to "fix" it! I'm sorry for thinking "I" could make this person walk towards you. I give this burden to You, and pray that YOU intercede in this person's life! In Jesus' Name, Amen~"

Since I've done that, I haven't really felt any better, sooooooo...I have been in God's Word, meditating on scripture, listening to teaching CDs, speaking positively, constantly directing my thoughts away from "picking up that burden" again.

I STILL don't feel better after doing that....BUT I know that I know that I know that GOD'S WORD DOES NOT GO VOID! I KNOW that my feelings WILL EVENTUALLY line up with the Word of God! I KNOW that I canNOT live IN my emotions or BY my emotions or I will end up being depressed and worried and full of anxiety.

SO....I continue to pray...

I continue to speak scripture out loud....

I continue to seek God....

...and I continue to give back to God (over and over) my concerns for this person...

...AND I REST IN KNOWING THAT GOD IS ON THE THRONE & STILL IN CONTROL!!!

If/Then...

IF my people, who are called by my name,
will humble themselves
and PRAY and SEEK my face
and TURN from their wicked ways,
THEN will I hear from heaven and
will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

2 Chronicles 7:14


(Image by Tiffany Vox)

God has many IF/THEN's in the Bible...

Do you ever wonder why some people get their "breakthrough" and why others do not? I used to. I actually used to get mad at God because people were getting blessed and I was "stuck" in my own prison.

One of the key elements of those people receiving their blessing and breakthrough is that they NEVER gave up. They pressed through the obstacles that came their way. They pushed past the oppression that tried to suffocate them. They kept proclaiming the promises that God had given them specifically for their life and for their families.

They didn't quit because they WANTED and DESIRED what was ahead of them! Others knew that turning back wasn't an option, so they continued to go forward.

For me, I kept going because I got tired of going around this mountain over and over and over. I kept going because I desired the freedom others had already received. I kept going because I knew there was a destiny and purpose for my life other than what I was experiencing.

God would lead me to verses about "joy" and living life "more abundantly", and I'd know in my heart, I was not experiencing either! BUT I WANTED TO. I wanted what others had. I wanted to be free. I wanted to switch from being "needy" to being "needed".

As I gave up things (and people) that God asked me to, I would get even angrier, because I still wasn't being blessed or breaking through. At several points throughout the last year, I told God,

"I have given up _________and _________and _________ and _______, and what am I getting in return??? NOTHING!!!"

I have a very open relationship with God. He knows our thoughts, feelings, disappointments- He knows it all. He doesn't want us to pretend with Him or be the "polite" Christian- being fake or pretending we feel something we don't. In fact, much of what I know about my Heavenly Father, came from my honest conversations with Him.

I share that, not to say, "disrespect God who is Holy", but to say that EVEN though God is Holy, He is also my Father, whom I don't have to "pretend" around.

In those moments of anger and openness with My Father God, He would gently wrap my heart in His arms, and whisper words of encouragement, love, and adoration to my Spirit.

"Keep going, sweet daughter...My ways are so much higher than yours, and My thoughts are not your thoughts. What you don't see is how I am molding you into your destiny, one choice at a time. I am so proud of you! Keep leaning on Me, and don't give up! You are almost to the top of this mountain before you."

He brought me to the top...He gave me my breakthrough! AND He wants to do the same for you!!!

Keep pressing on and DO NOT give up!!!!

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~Father God~

The word "testimony" means to "do it again!". I pray Lord God, that YOU as I share my testimonies, that YOU would DO IT AGAIN!!! Do it again for my friends! In their lives, may YOUR glory be revealed and YOUR power released in their hopeless situations and circumstances. Father, I know how hard it is to keep pressing on, because it gets soooooo tiring and it is sooooooo easy to quit! I know the pain and striving it takes to climb that mountain when the screams of the body and soul is saying, "I can't do this anymore!" I know the frustration of seeing everyone else get "free", yet being so entangled in your own prison. I know the longing and desires of wanting to be "birthed" into what You've called me to!

Oh Jesus, You know it too! You know everything we feel, everything we have faced, and everything that is still to come! I pray YOUR persevering power into my friends' lives!!! For ANYONE reading this blog, for anyone who doesn't even know it exists!!! Pour out YOUR Spirit of breakthrough in the lives of those who are seeking YOU! Let them know that they know that they KNOW that there IS more to this life!!! AND IT IS SOOOOOOOOO FULFILLING!!!!! Thank You for Your grace and mercy upon us! Thank YOU for NEVER giving up on me- my stubbornness and all!!! I love You soooo much!!!

In Jesus' precious name, Let it be done!!! AMEN!!!

I have Power???

The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from
the dead, lives in you.
And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead,
he will give life
to your mortal bodies by this
same Spirit living within you.
Romans 8:11 (NLT)

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WOWZERS!!! Did you get that???

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IF you have invited Jesus Christ into your heart,
YOU HAVE the SAME Spirit inside of you that
RAISED JESUS FROM THE DEAD!!!

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IF you haven't...

...THEN WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR???

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God NOT ONLY gives us a NEW LIFE....

...BUT POWER & AUTHORITY

to LIVE that new life!!!

NOT ONLY power & authority...

...BUT...

...VICTORY!!!!!!!
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Are YOU living victorious today???

Are YOU living in the FREEDOM Jesus offers???

Are YOU living your life FULL OF JOY???

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~~~~Dear Jesus~~~~

I lift up my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I lift of those who have not YET chosen You. I pray that YOU would flood their world with YOUR presence! I pray that YOU would draw them into YOUR amazing love and grace and hope and peace! I claim VICTORY & FREEDOM into their lives today! I pray that the SAME SPIRIT that RAISED YOU up from the grave would RISE UP within each one of us! I pray that WE WOULD BECOME EMPOWERED by YOUR Spirit within us! I pray that our eyes would be able to see TRUTH! THE TRUTH about who we are because of WHO YOU ARE!!! Oh, Jesus, I pray for those who have never chosen to walk life with YOU, or for those who have walked away...I pray that YOU would shine light into their heart and their mind and that you would awaken their desire to LIVE WITH AND FOR YOU, -which YOU placed within each person created!!!

I pray for those struggling to reach the mountain top. I pray for those who have lost their joy and direction. I pray for those who can't find their purpose or are afraid to step into their future. I pray for those who LONG for freedom, LONG for restoration, LONG for HOPE and PEACE. YOU know each one who is tired and weary and those who don't want to go on. Dear Jesus, meet each one of them right where they are at, and touch their hearts like never before! RESTORE, REBUILD, REMODEL, RE-ENGAGE, RE-PLANT, RE-SOIL, RENEW.

Thank You Jesus for who You are, for what YOU have done, and for all that You are still accomplishing!!! You are soooooo amazing and I praise You for Your grace and Your restoration in my life!

In Jesus' precious name, Amen

Who am I

We had a breakthrough during our church service this morning! God is incredible!!! I am simply in awe at His grace and mercy and love for me. I seriously wish I could give you what I feel right now. I wish I could somehow upload into your heart what God has downloaded into mine. My "hard drive" is overflowing with God's supernatural touch!

The boys and I were watching Evan Almighty tonight. We've seen it many times before; yet tonight, I noticed one conversation out of the whole movie. Evan is talking to God and saying, "Why? Why have you chosen me?"

God told him..."You want to change the world...and so do I!"

So many times, I've asked God similar questions. I look around at my life, and at all the things God has done in and through me, and I am totally floored!

1 Chronicles 17:16:17 Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he said:
"Who am I, O LORD God, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? ¹⁷ And as if this were not enough in your sight, O God, you have spoken about the future of the house of your servant. You have looked on me as though I were the most exalted of men, O LORD God.

I am blessed more than I could have ever imagined or dreamed!

Oh Heavenly Father~ I pray for those who are reading this...You see each heart and every emotion they feel! You know the ones who don't even have the strength to dream anymore. You know the ones who are believing the lies of the enemy as he tells them that they must not be good enough. You know the ones who are tired of going forward and fighting the same battles over and over and over. You know the ones who rejoice as, they too, have crossed into Your threshold. You know the ones who get up only to be knocked down again. You see the ones who are longing to be "birthed". You see the ones who just want to be used by you! You see the lonely and afflicted, the confused and the scared...Oh God, you see them all.
They need Your touch in their life! Oh Father, I have so much extra joy and blessings in my heart, and I'd gladly share, but I know that You have a special call on each person's life. You have special gifts for each and every person and I pray that You would pour those out into their lives. Open up the windows of heaven and let Your power fall over the "impossible situations", the "doomed people", the "Hopeless"...
God, if YOU can move mightily in my life, I KNOW You can move in their life!!! Let it be done in Jesus Name!!! Amen~

CHARGE!!!

Today is a day that I have to FIGHT for my mind! I just got done tweeting, and I also need to put this on my blog as well!

I have always let myself become defeated by the voice of the enemy. Most of the time, the broken records are in my mind, so he doesn't have to do much work. I spent the morning sleeping to cope. I woke up and didn't want to fight today! Most of the time, I sleep when I don't want to deal with my life. God has put so many dreams and desires in my heart, and because of the way I feel about myself, I don't do them. Or else I start them, only to convince myself that I am not worthy to be doing them.

I look at other Christians as better than me because they "seem" to have it all together and I usually don't see their struggles in their heart. Occasionally, I lose control of my tongue. Sometimes I yell, sometimes I swear, sometimes the thoughts in my heart are not very pleasing to God or to myself.

The thing about self-defeated-ness is that I can do the destroying all by myself. My flesh and mind is not trained to stand up against the enemy for long periods of time. I can give the best "talk" or "pep-talk" in the world for someone else, but when it comes to myself, I give up before I even start. I hang onto the guilt of the sins I commit, and do not forgive myself. In essence, I turn down the forgiveness Jesus offers and try to convince HIM how horrible my sin was and how He really doesn't want to use me.

YET, there is a part of me that wants to believe that I AM WORTHY His love and acceptance and His gifts and favor and mercy and grace! There is a part of me that wants to break out of the cocoon I PUT MYSELF in and become EVERYTHING God wants me to be. I mean, come on, HE NAMED me Heaven, for crying out loud! Heaven-the treasured place where we all want to go when we die! There has GOT to be a great destiny for me and yet, I SLEEP!

Anyway, this is what I just got done tweeting, because I know I am NOT the only one being defeated by self-condemning thoughts!!! I want to share with YOU hope and encouragement that WE CAN step into those things God is calling us to because WE ARE WORTHY! We ARE GOD'S KIDS! And WE HAVE A DESTINY THAT IS OURS FOR THE TAKING (and fighting!)

TWEETS
Today is a CHOOSE TO "fight" day that I described on my blog last night. I feel like the baby in the womb longing to be born! I'm having spiritual birthing pains except I'm the one being birthed! I'm the one screaming to get out of this warm and comfy environment because it's not comfy anymore. I'm restricted and squished! I want to be free! I'm tired of being pushed! It's accelerating and I'm ready to breathe and live and move and walk in all God has called me to. I'm tired of being restricted within the limitations I HAVE PUT on myself! I want to stretch and move freely. I started dreaming again and I want to fulfill those dreams. I'm tired of being bound by my self-defeating excuses! I AM GOOD ENOUGH! Not by my standards, BUT BECAUSE GOD SAYS SO!!! I'm tired of believing LIES OF THE ENEMY! I'm sick of the broken records in my head telling me everything in life is my fault! Telling me I'm worthless! Telling me I don't count and DON"T matter! I DO matter because GOD CHOSE ME! I'm tired of starting something only to allow him to tell me I can't do it! I WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS FOR CHRIST AND I WILL IMPACT LIVES! I will go forward! I WILL NOT BOW ANY LONGER to the smoke screen threats yelling "unworthiness"! Greater is HE IN ME than he that is in this world. I HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST! And when Jesus was confronted by satan in the wilderness, he did not BOW! He said...IT IS WRITTEN...AWAY FROM ME SATAN! It is written that I AM a child of the most high King! My worth and self-esteem comes from my Father in heaven! I am more than a conquerer and I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED! If you are a child of the most high King, THAT is for YOU too! If you are not, GOD WILL TAKE YOU INTO HIS ARMS JUST AS YOU ARE, BUT you have to choose!

Be courageous!

"Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith; be men of courage; be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13



A soldier needs courage which Websters defines as: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.


Many times in the Bible, God's Word, we are instructed to be courageous. A synonym of courage is brave which has been defined as:to meet or face courageously, to defy, challenge or dare. possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance.



When ever I read definitions like those of Courage or Brave, something from the deepest part of my soul rises to the surface as my heart longs to reflect those meanings. A "fight" awakens in me when I realize that I CAN "meet my circumstances courageously". A part of me becomes alive with that "fight" I usually don't realize I possess.



Soldiers aren't wimps! They are trained, equipped, and prepared for battle. They arm theirselves with artillery more than adequate for the battle they are about to face. A strategy is devised by getting to know the way of their enemy, and their plan of attack. There is a mind set that has to be meditated on and an attitude of defeat is NOT allowed. There is no turning back until they have conquered the mission before them.



Christians are God's army! Soldiers who are instructed to press on, run with perseverance, and to stand firm!



The problem I have found in my own life is my mindset. I usually am defeated before I even begin. I'm tired of that. I start on a mission, only to have the enemy say, "Boo", and I quickly retreat. Since when are soldiers supposed to be polite in battle? Since when do soldiers retreat when their enemy appears with a smoke bomb? Their mind HAS to be trained for victory and conquering!!! Their mind has to overcome the fear that they face. There is a point when the mission is "attack" without reserve, pause, or retreat.



A battle isn't fought through strength alone. The foundation of victory comes by strategy, action, and perseverance. I can imagine a soldier gets tired and weary. It's got to be exhausting to fight, BUT they go on because they know the victory is coming. They know the reason for fighting and they believe in what they are fighting for.



So, in this battle for my mind and going forward DESPITE what my feelings are, I need to girded and focused with an attitude of victory. So the next time my mind tells me this (as Saul told David in 1 Samuel 17:33): "You are not able to go out against this [giant] and fight him..."



I can reply as David did to Saul in the next three verses: "...When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, ³⁵I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I seized it by its hair, struck it and killed it. ³⁶ Your servant has killed BOTH the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine [GIANT] will be like one of them, because he has defied the armies of the living God. ³⁷ The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine."

Sad...

Tonight I am sad...

There are so many things going on right now with people I care about and even complete strangers that I have compassion for over stuff in their lives...

...and I'm sad...

I know the joy of the Lord is my strength...

...but for tonight, I am sad...

I know God works out all things for good...

...but for tonight, I am sad...

I know the end result will be just fine...

...but I am sad...

I am sad that we have a real enemy who wreaks havoc without regard to anyone else...

...I am sad...

My heart is heavy. Seriously, I could cry.

Situation A,B,&C are my own life situations. Situation D is a friend's situation. Situation E is a family member's situation. Situation F,G,H,I,J is a bloggy friend's situation. Situation K is a new friend's situation. Situation L belongs to a woman I don't agree with, yet I still hurt for. Situation M,N,O is......&Z...

"Now I sing my A,B,C's, next time won't you sing with me."

...I don't feel like singing because I have chosen to carry situations A-Z on my shoulders. It's pretty heavy. One of the problems with having the gift of compassion is that I "feel" everyone's pain, even when I may not agree with their perspective. I defend those who no one else will defend...(well, not always, but usually.) The "underdog", so to speak. I get passionate about it to the point of "over-doing" it, getting too emotionally involved, and end up not representing Christ too well in my frustration. Ah...more of an eye-opener that I truly do need a Savior!

I am not allowing comments tonight. See, I know the verses that say, "be encouraged, etc." I know that, in the end, all will be fine. I know God will work out all things, but tonight, I am just sad.

I am going to sleep...but first, I will be spending time at the foot of the cross, casting situations A-Z at Jesus' feet, because...you know what? They are not mine to carry and if I carry them into my day tomorrow, I will have no room to love anyone else tomorrow. Today, God's grace is sufficient for today. Tomorrow, God's grace will be sufficient for tomorrow.

Dear friend, if your heart is heavy with burdens, may you find the same comfort that I find in the following verses:

1 Peter 4:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Healing in Aisle 9

Have you ever gotten the feeling that you should talk to someone or help someone you see throughout your day? Maybe an elderly man who is exhaused from mowing his lawn or shoveling his driveway? Or a child trying to open a difficult door? Or what about an older woman who is obviously struggling to put groceries in her car? A teenage girl whose eyes are red and swollen from sobbing over the latest tragedy in her life? A past acquaintance who has clearly been afflicted by life's circumstances? My favorite~ A young mother with two, overly-hyper, energetic boys who are re-creating WWII in the middle of a very busy supermarket. (I actually lived this when my boys were younger!)

My 8-year old son, Dylan, and I went to the grocery store this evening to buy a few items we needed: milk, bread, etc. As always, we were calculating the prices, finding the bargains, selecting the head of lettuce that looked the healthiest, and weighing our single tomato. Shopping with him is very routine: he pushes his little cart; chooses the best looking produce; asks the same questions- "Mom, can we get hot pockets, pizza rolls, yogurt, chips, ice cream?"; I reply with the same answers- "no, no, not this time, no, not today"; I always know what to expect when we go shopping together. It's great.

Tonight wasn't that much different, except we were approached by a woman who needed help. Everyone knows little boys love a chance to be a superhero. Dylan is no exception. He loves to help and loves to be needed (for the most part). An elderly woman asked if he would help her put some pop into her cart, and explained that lifting anything heavy would make her back "go out". I questioned what happened, and she proceeded to tell me all about her medical issues.

She had arthritis throughout her body, several disks in her back had deteriorated, and despite many treatments, doctors told her there is nothing they could do for her anymore. Everyday, for the rest of her life, she would continue to be plagued with excruciating pain in her joints and muscles. I wished her well, and not having a clue of what else to say, Dylan and I turned and proceeded to the milk aisle.

Immediately, and I mean immediately, I knew I was supposed to go back and pray for her healing. "Oh Lord, I have no idea what to pray and what if it doesn't work and what if people see me and what if she tells me no and what if...what if...what if...???" By this time, we reached the milk isle. From past experience, I knew if I ignored God and told him I wouldn't pray for her, I would feel a deep sadness in my heart, regretting it.

I know the feeling of that deep sadness all to well. See, this sort of thing has happened to me before. I'd see someone and know I was supposed to share Jesus' love with them or pray for them, or even encourage them...but chose not to because I was afraid of what they would think of me.

Time and time again, I have passed up opportunities to share God's unfailing love with people because of fear. How many people have gone without a touch from God because of my disobedience? O~u~c~h!!! Granted, God will use other people; however, what if what they truly needed is what was held in my experiences or in my heart that God wanted to share with them?

God has purposed each one of our lives, and he has purposed me to be an encourager, and a voice of comfort to those wounded and brokenhearted. The ironic thing is that hurting people hurt others. Satan knows that as well; and therefore, the people I reached out to comfort, in return, wounded and lashed out back at me. That wore on my "rejection meter" pretty heavily after awhile, and recently, I quit comforting, noticing, hearing, speaking, and praying.

I let myself become numb to my feelings, because then people couldn't hurt me. Heck, I couldn't even hurt me anymore with my self-rejection and condemnation for not "doing things right". As I became numb to my feelings, I was able to block out the pain I saw in those around me. By doing that, I couldn't connect, and therefore, they couldn't hurt me.

Whew! I had no clue that this blog post was going here. You are definitely experiencing an honest moment between God and I as I am writing. I have been in a "funk" for about a couple months, more so in the last 3-4 weeks. I've been telling everyone I'm fine, life's good, I'm just tired, pray for me, etc. Life has not been fine...or fun...or productive. To clarify, what I said in the above paragraph provided me with an explanation of what is going on with me.

I have asked people to pray for me, but I haven't been praying. I have needed encouragement, but I have not been encouraging. I've needed to feel something, anything, - but I forced myself to stop feeling. I've have been asking God: "What's my purpose and why aren't I making a difference," when I've allowed Satan to stomp on and snuff out my God-given purpose. I have been sleeping all the time because I'm exhausted, yet I am escaping from reality.

Anyway, back to our store experience. I'm not sure what was different about tonight, but Dylan and I decided we needed to pray for the lady who we helped. We courageously turned our carts around, followed the woman down aisle 9, and asked her if we could pray for her. I told her that I believe in the healing power of Jesus Christ, and that between Dylan and I, we had the faith to pray for God to completely heal her.

With the permission of our new friend, Carol, we placed our hands on the center of her back, closed our eyes, and in the center of Aisle 9, we prayed the most sincere prayer we've ever prayed. As we said "Amen", I glanced up to see tears fill her eyes. She said thank you, and Dylan and I walked to the checkout knowing that God just performed a miracle.

We may never know the outcome of our prayer for Carol, and it is likely that we may never see her again, but wouldn't it be cool if when we got to heaven one day, we found her rejoicing because a little boy and his mommy conquered their fears in aisle 9, and said a simple prayer that saved her life? The fact remains that maybe Carol won't notice anything different because of our simple, little prayer, but I'll tell you what, I think after what I've written tonight, maybe I'm the one who received healing in aisle 9.

hmmm...well, the more you read, the more you'll absolutely love me or think I'm totally off my "rocker"! LOL. Either way, I'm back, and standing tall, because my God-given purpose is to comfort, encourage, and speak God's love to you and everyone else I come in contact with. Thanks for being interested enough to take heaven's journey with me! God loves you, and so do I!!!