Once again...

Lord, once again I thank You for the cross! The post listed yesterday didn't actually get done until this morning. I started last night, and with many searching questions, I finally finished it about 9:30 a.m. I am saddened because not even 5 hours later, my heart and soul is once again dissatisfied.

Once again, I approached God with the same concerns and complaints. "God, this is too hard. This isn't fair. I needed this miracle yesterday, why isn't is here yet. Are You really going to provide?" etc., etc., and etc.

It's no wonder God calls us sheep! Did you know that sheep are not very smart animals? Why do you think they need a Shepherd? They wander off where they aren't supposed to. They get themselves into prickly situations, so they constantly need someone to herd them back in and keep them in the fence. They need someone to constantly call out their name: "Sheep 99, Get over here! Didn't you learn about that wolf the last time you started to stray from the herd?" O-kay, so that is obviously an exaggeration, but come on, why can't I get it? Lord, help me...

I want to be the kind of woman who never wavers, never gives into fear and anxiousness, never allows the enemy to even get a centimeter of my thoughts. Lord, I want the meditations (thoughts) of my heart and mind to be pleasing to You, yet I am constantly fearful about the same old things. I worry about tomorrow and how I will get milk, bread, and gas. I worry about the job that I can't find. I worry about the bills getting paid so I don't get disconnected. I worry about the field trip fee due next week. Father, I don't want these to be worries. I don't want to doubt Your faithfulness. I want to stand at all times, and say, "I know who my Father is, and He is a God without any lack for my provisions!"

I know Your Word says that I am more important to the birds of the air and the lilies of the field, and yet, they are satisfied! They don't lack. The birds do not go around worrying, "Oh, no, where is my next worm going to come from?" The lilies don't say, "Oh, no, what if my petals don't come on time?" I am MORE important than them, and God tells me that I am not to be..."anxious for anything...and not to worry about tomorrow...and that He is my Provider...and that He is a Father to the Fatherless, and therefore, will take care of my children."

Is this about faith? Trust? Hope? Is it about believing that even if it's 12:01, and God hasn't arrived yet, I still need to declare that He will show up? I can handle the 11:59, the minute before something is needed. But when it's 12:01 and later, I panic. I begin to doubt and waver and try to figure a way to take care of it myself. God, is this why I am on this journey?

Lord, forgive me once again...You are NEVER late and never slow concerning Your promises! Your timing is not my timing, yet You are ALWAYS on time because You hold the master plan and are in control of every detail. You are not surprised by anything, past, present, or future. Please grant me Your peace that surpasses all understanding as I wait upon You. Thank You for daily taking care of my family and I. No matter what happens, I choose to trust, hope, believe, have faith, and be grateful for what You have already provided. Thank You for calling my name and calling me Your child. Once again, I rest in Your arms, and trust that all things work out for good because I am Your child.

Thank You for loving this sheep! In Jesus' precious name, Amen