Don't run ahead

My desire was to marry him

and be his wife forever... I read a post by Lysa TerKeurst on Thursday called, "Has God ever hurt your feelings?". It totally broke my heart as I related to every word she wrote. I really recommend clicking on the link and reading it. If you have ever felt that God has disappointed you or let you down, this post will help. But then come back:)

Basically, when something goes wrong in life or we see good people "suffer", we always seek to find the answer. "Why God, why?"

What do we do when we don't see answers to our prayers? or when God tells us something that will come to pass in our lives, and years later, it still hasn't happened? Have you ever ran ahead of God to make something happen sooner, only to find yourself

flat on your face from tripping?

Reminds me of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 15:1-16:16 (then named Abram and Sarai). God told Abraham that he and Sarah were going to have a son to be an heir to their estates. O-kay, Moses is like ancient in years (he was very old), and Sarah was past child bearing years, but Abraham

believed what God promised.

Time passed and...well...no baby.
Sarah really wanted a baby and I think she got tired of waiting around for God to come through. Well, she talked to Abraham and convinced him to sleep with her maidservant, Hagar, so they could have a baby. Hagar did get pregnant, but suddenly she despised Sarah. Go figure! Isn't it amazing the attitudes that

creep in when we go outside of God's will???

Sarah then told Abraham, "Do something! You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering." Whereas, Abraham told her, "Hey, she's your servant, do with her whatever you think is best." Sarah mistreated Hagar, and Hagar left, now a soon-to-be single mother.

The outcome of their impatience and sin was Ishmael, Hagar's son. God comforted Hagar, but told her that, "Ishmael will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility

toward all his brothers."

Ouch!!! Didn't they have verses back then to say, "Hey, WAIT for God." (They really could have used some post-it notes!)

The story did eventually turn out well for Sarah and Abraham; however, because of their impatience and their desire to do things "their" way, they struggled before they had a baby of their own. On top of that, because they ran ahead of God, their actions also affected the life of a woman named Hagar, her son Ishmael,

and eventually, birthed generations of rebellious people.

Without going in-depth, I ran ahead of God to marry, whom I believed was, the man of my dreams. We created 2 beautiful children, and that, I do not regret!!! Our oldest came in 1996, and our youngest came in 2000, but we did not marry until 2004. To keep things simple (because I will not speak badly of him here), our divorce should be final in a couple of months.

So, back to Lysa's post, which I strongly encourage you to read, I have been stuck on the "Why God???" for so long that my heart breaks. Lysa said instead of saying "why", to say

"O-kay, now what?"

See, I believe God holds my future in His hands and NOTHING touches my life without a purpose. So since God knows my future and also my past, then I need to trust Him with my present, and say, "O-kay God, where are we headed now? What do you have in store for the boys and I now?"

God sees...He knows...cares...loves...cries with us...comforts...and holds our dreams in His hands...

So, Lord, I give back this desire to be his wife, because if this isn't the plan for my future, then you have something greater. Please let me hear your voice clear, so that I will not run ahead of you

again, and hurt so many people by rushing into

something never meant to be.

In Jesus' name, ~Amen

(*Note: marriage is sacred, and I, by no means, am saying, "Go divorce your spouse." There are issues that I will not disclose because he, too, is a child of God and only God can judge Him. Divorce is something I would NOT wish upon ANYONE, especially with children. It goes back to choices and doing God's will, because your choices do not affect only you, no matter what you may think!)