Reflect on the mint green tissue box...

(My mint green tissue box)

Reflect...on God's faithfulness and goodness

• "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Psalm 23:6a
• "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

 By allowing my mind to wander, financial worries began to creep in...with one thought...then another...then...more.

Instead of taking that first thought captive...or second and so forth, I allowed those thoughts to reflect my God, instead of allowing my God to reflect against my thoughts.

Before long (not long I might add), my thoughts turned into fears. Suddenly, my fears reflected that God was not big enough to provide for my bills, my needs, my gas, etc.

I trust God! I really do. I trust Him for eternity. I trust Him for my health. I trust Him for direction. I trust Him. I do, I do, I do. I trust Him so much with my finances. I really trust Him...so much that...well, sometimes, I make things happen and...take things into my own hands...well...just in case He doesn't...um...provide.

Time and time again, God has totally provided for all my needs. When my kids were little, I ran out of diapers, had no money, so I prayed. By the next needed diaper change, I had a big bag of diapers dropped off on my front porch. Literally! No note and no idea who did it, but God does.

I've driven vehicles until they have literally fallen apart. I've driven to the mechanic's shop to have something repaired, and parts have busted into hundreds of pieces when they go to remove it. They always tell me, "There is no way this vehicle should have driven into this parking lot, let alone keep you going this long." When there's no money, there aren't many options, so I pray for God to keep me going until the money comes in.

I've driven on an empty gas tank for a good week, with a piece of paper over my "low fuel" light because I didn't have money for gas. I would pray for God to make it stretch and then cover the gas gauge, vowing not to weaken my faith by looking at it. When it finally did run out of gas, a lady came up to me, and asked I would be offended if she filled my gas tank.

My kids and I have prayed for food, just to have someone drop off food at our house within the day, including the little "snacky" things they like to eat. Sometimes I only tell God to see how He will provide. My friends and family get annoyed because I don't tell them when I need something: a disconnect notice, no food, low toilet paper, etc. But for me, it spoils the excitement of how God will provide. Some say I'm prideful (which sometimes I am), but most of the time, I just want to see the way that God will provide.

With all these wonderful and amazing ways God provides, you would think that I would totally, 100% trust God with my finances. Right? Well...when I allow my thoughts to wander, when I reflect on my worries, when I allow my thoughts to turn into fears, when I allow my fears to reflect the size of my God, well...I get in a tizzy about my finances.

It doesn't happen too much, but when it does, I feel like I have to find a way to provide for my needs, instead of waiting, taking matters into my own hands. I know when I am doing this, I am not trusting God. I know if I wait, God ALWAYS comes through! Yet, if my thoughts reflect on the doubts, and fears, this is where my mind goes.

I started to worry about food. I knew I couldn't even put food in my budget because my bills were so much this month. The only thing I could do was to trust God to provide, or take money from another bill to buy some food.

"Yes, I am totally going to trust God. I really am. He's provided before. But what if he doesn't? What will I make for meals? What do I tell my kids? I don't have much milk...or bread...or much fridge food. Oh, but I am going to trust God. I am. I am. I am...But...what if...but...what if...I run out...what if...yes, I have to go buy food myself. That's what I'll do. God might come too late. I'll make up that bill later...Sorry God, but I gotta' take care of myself."

There is something totally wrong with that scenario! Unfortunately, God hears similar conversations like that all the time. When our thoughts reflect fears, we can't trust.

Anyway, I went to the store, bought $40 of food and toilet paper, etc. I also bought a box of Kleenex's. I normally do not splurge on this item, but rather deal with a roll of toilet paper sitting on my counter to take care of the nose "drippies". (sorry! This story does have a point. I promise, I am almost done.)

Okay, so I chose a pretty mint green box. The color just stood out, and I thought it was pretty. I check out, go home, put my food away, and within the hour, I had a knock on my door. My precious friend was standing at the door with 4 or 5 bags of food, about the same amount of bags I c0me home from the store with.

Immediately, I felt...a repentance session coming on.

We talked. I shared my story with her about me not trusting. She left. I put groceries away. Had my talk with God, repenting for my lack of faith, and went to bed.

In the morning, I was just in awe. I noticed how I suddenly had duplicates of everything. The things she bought for my family were similar to the items I bought for myself only a couple hours before she showed up. God is good. God is still faithful. God still provides.

I looked on top of the fridge and there sat a mint green, pretty box of kleenex's; however they were not the ones I purchased.

It was the box my friend picked up for me...

I chuckled...

...and God spoke gently to me and said..."I even got the mint green, pretty ones you liked..."

I just love God, and today, I reflect once again on His goodness and faithfulness!

• "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Psalm 23:6a
• "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

~Wiping my grateful tears with my mint green, pretty box of tissues~