January 13, 2009


I have tears streaming down my face...

I haven't cried for awhile...

I've said in previous posts, I have...but I lied.

Somewhere in the middle of my "fighting battles", I gave up. I simply gave up. I got too tired to fight anymore. I got tired of life. I got tired of getting hurt. I got tired of getting nowhere...at least it has felt like every two steps I take, I go back 3 steps.

I feel defeated...and the enemy has gotten the best of me.

I love God with all my heart...I am tired of failing Him as well...so I quit trying.

Depression is a great tool for the enemy to use. It immobilizes people and keeps them from their destinies. It keeps them from going to church and from being around other people. It keeps them in front of a computer screen, writing nice and "pretty" blogs without much emotion. It keeps them from feeling joy. It keeps them in their beds, sleeping longer than the hours they are awake. It keeps them from work and from being the parent they want to be.
It keeps everyone away from them...including God.

I ran across a song today, and I cried, and I'm still crying...

...because it spoke multitudes to me...

...and broke a part of my heart that I've allowed to get cold and bitter.

...the part of me that is a fighter.

I write my blog prayers in faith, praying that I will one day feel what I pray for.
My passion has dwindled, my fire is barely flickering,
and I am tired of going through the motions.

So welcome to day 1 of me feeling something again...

...I'm crying, and that's a good thing:)

1 comment:

The Rigelsky Family said...

transparent.beautiful. we all have these days,weeks,months sometimes- if someone says they dont they are liars!! listen to pastor chris cryes sermon from last week on the neighborhood city church website i think it will be a benefit. its about feeling lament. (crying out) God bless,Sami

Who am I Lord?

1 Chronicles 17:16 Then  King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said: "Who am I, Lord God, and what is my family, that you...