Self-portrait

I am NOT a photogenic person!

From what I hear, neither is my

bloggy friend, ADHDme.

But some people just are...

and they look good...

in EVERY picture...

even without make-up...

and with food in their mouth...

they STILL look good!

But myself...I am not photogenic...

but I wish I was!


In the right light, with the correct lens, and with the slightest angle changes, even a person who is not photogenic, like myself, can look gorgeous. Yep, that's true! In my senior pictures (years ago), I went from a geek to a very pretty girl (only $300 later).

How we see ourselves is usually not how others see us. What we find as a flaw (a mole, a dimple, a scar), someone else sees as a unique feature. While we may see failure after failure, someone else may see persistence and determination. What we may view as humiliation and embarrassment, someone else may view in us as humility and authenticity. Bottom line: we don't view ourselves the way others see us.

Most importantly, we don't always see ourselves as God sees us. He sees us through the "light" of His glory, in the "perfect angle" of the cross, and through the blood stained "lens" of Jesus Christ.

I took a bunch of self-portraits with my cell phone today while waiting for an appointment. After about 30 pictures, I ended up with about 5 that had any potential. With those 5, I found the potential and focused on those qualities, which happen to be my eyes. With some cropping here and there, I ended up going from geek to a very pretty lady.

THAT is the mentality that has to change. I am beautiful, not because of one decent picture, rather because I am covered in the blood of Jesus, pure and spotless, and a daughter of the King. I need to stop looking at the "self-painted-portrait" I am viewing, and need to look at the "God-portrait" He has already taken of me!!!

God focuses on our heart qualities that are already "there" and magnifies them with His light. The other 'stuff' has much, much potential, and praise God, He takes that and crops a little here and a little there until it, too, is beautiful...

Ecclesiastes 3:11 "He has made everything beautiful in His time. He has also put eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end."

Without further ado (How is this spelled???)

Here are my glorified self-portraits from today:)

Weekly Rambling

I haven't felt a "compulsion" to blog...

...or check my e-mail...

...or my facebook...

...or play my favorite game on the computer...

...or spend hours looking at absolutely everything on the computer that is really "nothing"...

...but I have been reading other people's blogs.

...and I think, "Am I fulfilling my purpose?"

"Am I encouraging and uplifting others?"

"Am I sharing the gospel?"

"Am I being all that God wants me to be?"

"Is my life going in the direction that GOD wants it to?"


Being sick this week and a half has really helped put my life back into perspective. My compulsion for this computer has really faded (Praise God!).

My time with God has been more personal and not necessarily meant for everyone.

It's good...

~My final divorce hearing is Monday, and I think God is also preparing my heart for that.

So if you don't hear from me for a couple days...It's good...I'm o-kay...I'll just be having rest time, snuggled in my Heavenly daddy's arms...

Love ya! Heav

Getting things accomplished...

Alright...I have been sick since Monday...Ugh...ugh...ugh.

When you are not feeling the greatest, you're supposed to eat chicken noodle soup and broth, nap when you can, take it "easy", take your medicine, and simply rest. (Yes, I did mention 3 forms of sleeping/resting because it's my favorite...)

Despite not feeling well this week, I have gotten a lot accomplished, which is pretty crazy considering most of the time, I was "resting". I couldn't stay "busy" long because my body just needed to quit moving so much. So I had to invest my time this week into "still" activities. Ugh...I think that was harder than actually being sick. (I have a hard time just sitting doing "nothing", which is what all these activities were).

ENJOY THIS PICTURE SHOW OF MY "Nothing" accomplishments.

O-kay, so Monday, I revisited a promise that God gave me after my husband and I separated 1 1/2 years ago.

1 Chronicles 17:7-14.

This is the passage that God gave me as His covenant to me and the boys...
God gave me a few things to write down as I claimed it again, which I am still trying to figure out some:

1. My house is established.
2. Ezekiel
3. My kids are in God's hands.
4. Sampson- Guard your weaknesses. Your greatest strength can also be your greatest weakness!
5. Holy heart, pure & holy
6. I am "clean"
7. Sing, sing, sing to the Lord.
8. Burnt offerings
9. Attitude of thanksgiving
10. filter (I'm stumped on this one)
11. Keep your eyes open
12. Expect miracles

On Tuesday,
I began painting my
kitchen cupboards to
replace my post-it notes:)

1. 

On Wednesday, I started sewing.
I haven't done that for awhile...


Then I sewed new pillowcases
that I have been meaning
to make for a couple months:)


...and finally finished
a banner I have been
working on for months!


On Thursday, I picked up
a book I started to read
2 weeks ago. The funny
thing is that this book
is not about the kid's
behaviors, it's about
the parent changing the
way he/she corrects:)


So, for being sick, I actually got more done around here this week than normal. Pretty impressive for a girl who doesn't like to "sit" and be "still"...

Hopefully Monday, I will be back to my regular blogging...

Still "icky"

Yep, still feeling "icky"...Ugh...

Prayer

I had some major victories at church on Sunday. God loosened some heart-strings that were still attached. I was "back" and on fire for God again. I was ready to conquer for God's Kingdom. YES!!!

I woke up yesterday with sniffles and sneezes. I figured it was allergies. Allergy pills didn't even touch it. Today, I woke up with signs of a sinus infection. Sickness wears on me spiritually and physically, and I really need this thing to go away.

Will you please agree with me in prayer that this "wanna-be-cold" will go away? Thanks! I acknowledge it as an attack of the enemy and I stand against it in the name of Jesus. My body is healed, my sinuses is healed, and my breathing is clear in the name of Jesus.

New day

Everyone needs a "new day"...

...a "new start"...

...a "chance to start over..."

...a "chance to have the slate wiped clean..."

~That's why we have Jesus. His blood washes us "spic-n-span." His mercies are new every morning. (For me, sometimes I have to paraphrase that one and say, EVERY MOMENT)

You would think that with the grace we receive from God, that we would be more grace-giving people...yet...

...somehow, we still hold a grudge, still remember a person's "ill moment", and refuse to "give in" or forgive.

Yesterday, God gave me a fresh slate...again...and a new hope with "my" rainbow.

He never says, "Heaven, I'm tired of doing this for you. Grow up already."

I woke up this morning, and God told me to give someone a "rainbow" today. He wanted me to wipe the slate clean, start fresh, and rearrange my thinking regarding my 12-year old. Zach needed a "new day" today.

I wanted to argue, and asked God if He saw the "tude" that this dude had been toting around with him the last couple days. My arguing was short-lived, as God quickly reminded me of yesterday. I said, "O-kay God, but I hope you know what You're doing."

I pulled Zach aside this morning and told him he's had a couple of rough days with his attitude, which he quickly agreed to. I explained that I understood he was miserable, but that I was too, and that it hasn't been fun "fighting" with him.

"I know, mom, I'm grounded from EVERYTHING today!"

The attitude started to growl in the pit of his stomach...the "monster" was awake.

I calmly told him that he needed a new day...a fresh start...a chance to start over...and that today was the day.

He looked at me as if I had lost my mind, and I sensed he needed an added explanation. I told him that all of his privileges were re-instated, and that he had a chance to start all over today...a chance to have a great day...a chance to have a clean slate...and to realign his attitude.

...That was at 7:00 a.m.

...it is now 11:15 a.m.

~~It is compliance city around here...and peaceful...and quiet...and in the distance, I think I even hear laughter...

God really does know what He's doing, now doesn't he???

Is there someone in your life today that needs a "new day" from you...a sibling, a parent, a child, a Pastor, a friend, a co-worker, a spouse...?

Are you carrying grievances around that prevent you from truly living in a "new day".

If you said yes to either question, then today is the day, and now is the moment, to put the baggage down, breathe in the grace that God has given you, and then release that grace into that person's life...

Motions (Cont.)

Last night, I posted a pretty vulnerable post...I almost deleted it...I still might...

...But God woke me up with a new hope this morning...

...and a rainbow...

...and a verse.


When I took Dylan to school at 7:45,
there was a rainbow where the sun is
shining. I took a picture when I got home,
but most of the rainbow had faded.

"Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The Lord is my portion; therefore, I will wait for Him." Lamentations 3:22-24

Healing begins when we can be honest with God.
I have been angry with God about my marriage failing, my finances,
the issues with my children, but refused to acknowledge it.
"Stuff" it and it turns to bitterness and you "shut-down".
"Good Christians" don't get angry with God..."

...yet David in the Psalms was one of the most transparent men in the Bible and yet He was called "a man after God's own heart".

~I take a new breath this morning, and breathe in God's hope and His love for me. The rainbow in the sky this morning wasn't there very long, but for it was there long enough for God to speak to me, and reaffirm His love for me.

Motions

I have tears streaming down my face...

I haven't cried for awhile...

I've said in previous posts, I have...but I lied.


Somewhere in the middle of my "fighting battles", I gave up. I simply gave up. I got too tired to fight anymore. I got tired of life. I got tired of getting hurt. I got tired of getting nowhere...at least it has felt like every two steps I take, I go back 3 steps.

I feel defeated...and the enemy has gotten the best of me.

I love God with all my heart...I am tired of failing Him as well...so I quit trying.

Depression is a great tool for the enemy to use. It immobilizes people and keeps them from their destinies. It keeps them from going to church and from being around other people. It keeps them in front of a computer screen, writing nice and "pretty" blogs without much emotion. It keeps them from feeling joy. It keeps them in their beds, sleeping longer than the hours they are awake. It keeps them from work and from being the parent they want to be.
It keeps everyone away from them...including God.

I ran across a song today, and I cried, and I'm still crying...

...because it spoke multitudes to me...

...and broke a part of my heart that I've allowed to get cold and bitter.

...the part of me that is a fighter.



I write my blog prayers in faith, praying that I will one day feel what I pray for.
My passion has dwindled, my fire is barely flickering,
and I am tired of going through the motions.

So welcome to day 1 of me feeling something again...

...I'm crying, and that's a good thing:)

Update

So, I took Dylan to the Dr., explained what I was seeing, and the Dr. could have as well laughed in my face.

He ordered a urinalysis and ordered blood to be drawn, but began to tell me that maybe if I limited Dylan's water intake at night, he would get better sleep (He wouldn't be going to the bathroom so much in the night). I explained that he had a never-ending thirst at night, and that's why he drank so much.

...so then, He told me to push fluids in the daytime so he wouldn't be so thirsty at night...

Um...hello...am I the only one that isn't getting it???

The doctor also said he saw no need for concern (not like I'm asking for anything to be wrong), and that he could give Dylan a medicine to help him so he wouldn't have to urinate so much in the night...

I said, thanks, but no thanks.

He is 8 years old, and he is on Concerta (ADHD), Buspropian (Anxiety), Trazadone (to sleep because his High ADHD dose keeps him awake at night), and Clonidine (Because the trazadone doesn't work alone to put him to sleep), and now this Dr. thinks he should be put on Amatriptoline (?) so he won't get up to go to the bathroom at night.

Does anyone else see a problem with that or is it just me??? If I'm off my rocker because I think he shouldn't be on that much medicine, please correct me...I'm not getting it.

He's been in the special Education (Emotional Behaviorally Disturbed) room all year because he needs the smaller crowds, and the teachers say he is doing good now (not punching or pushing kids, not threatening to blow up the school, not throwing chairs at teachers, etc.)...BUT

...he won't interact with his peers...he has too much anxiety around other kids, so he just hangs out with adults-one-on-one daily...

I think I feel a deliverance coming on here. I pray for a deliverance. I need a deliverance. My heart cries for answers and for God to reach in and fix everything in his life. Have I been hanging on too tight, am I not loving enough, do I need to pray more; if I become "super-righteous-saint", will God heal him???

My mommy heart cries as I look at this awesome kid playing legos beside me.

Sorry, I needed to vent...now I need to turn back to God and trust...(I should have done that first)

Prayer needed for Dylan

Hi, I am shifting from my normal posting today. My son, Dylan, needs prayer.

He's 8 and has been labeled with ADHD, ODD, anxiety, possible Bipolar and who knows what else. He has been on medicine for those conditions since he was about 3 or 4. His behaviors have been a constant issue since he was little. Year by year, they add another diagnosis and another medicine and another program to his life.

He's a great kid who loves Jesus so much. He snuggles with Jesus at bedtime and is learning to trust verses being afraid. His life ambition is to grow up and give money to the poor.

The school and I finally have a good working relationship after a couple years, yet they are still seeing some behavior issues despite the added medicine for anxiety. Recently, they noticed a pattern in these behaviors. Between 9:30-10 a.m., they can expect a "hard time" because he "crashes", so they automatically make a shift in his learning from schoolwork to a time of relaxation and exercise.

After putting some pieces together, I have an appointment this morning to get his blood sugars checked. He'll drink 3-4 water bottles a night, plus another one in the middle of the night, & he's going to the bathroom constantly. His ADHD medicine makes it so he's not hungry throughout the day, so at 6 or 7 p.m., he's extremely hungry and eats me out of house and home. Other than that, he'll eat breakfast and that's it.

I really need prayer for the wisdom of the doctors and nurses today. We go in a 11:30 this morning (WI time). It would be a relief if this is a key to all the behavior stuff. He is on more meds than most adults, and it would be amazing if all of this was just a "dietary thing". If his blood sugars are out of "wack", then that would mean he could possibly get off some of his medicines. Please pray that if this is the problem, that it would show up. (You know how you have a problem and go to the Dr. and suddenly you're fine? That's the way it usually works with us:)

I am tired of the enemy stealing from my baby. His destiny is amazing and God has wonderful plans for his life. As long as he is medicated like he is, so much of that potential is "numbed" and "stuck".

Thank you in advance for your prayers! Sorry this isn't my "normal" kind of post.

Blessings!

Hmmm...what to title this?

This weekend, I'm disappearing from my blog...

I won't be looking at my blog or other blogs...

I am taking a healthy weekend break from the blog-world.

I want to thank you for the encouraging e-mails and blog posts since I have turned my comments off. God has shown me sooooo much since I decided to do that. I know it's only been a couple of days, but it seems longer.

One thing God showed me was that I was making "phone calls" when I blogged, said what I had to say and then "hung up". I then turned off my "ringer" and didn't allow any "phone calls" to come through by turning off my comments. That's kind of a one-way relationship...

I love this world of blogging because of the "interactions" with all of you. I allowed the enemy to get in and steal the joy of doing this through pride.

With God keeping me in check and defining healthy computer boundaries, I will do the job that God has called me to do...to encourage, to edify, and to lift-up others through my blogging.

...and I will allow comments again because I miss you guys...but also because God has shown me what He needed to. Thank goodness I am a quick learner:)

To God be the glory forever and ever and ever!!!!

Love ya!

Transparent...

While praying about what I am supposed to blog about, God gave me a verse.

Matthew 5:14-16--
14"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. 15Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

He also gave me a word: TRANSPARENT or TRANSPARENCY

So I sat here asking God how the two went together. I looked up the definition for transparent on Dictionary.com and this is the definition I assumed He was talking about:

-Open, frank, candid (which is what this blog is doing to me)

...but then, He pointed out another definition: having the property of transmitting rays of light through its substance so that bodies situated beyond or behind can be distinctly seen;
so sheer as to permit light to pass through

I then looked up transparency: That which is transparent; especially, a picture painted on thin cloth or glass, or impressed on porcelain, or the like, to be viewed by natural or artificial light, which shines through it.

-Have you also been praying to be "real" in your Christian walk?
-Have you been asking God to mold you and refine you?
-Have you been convicted more over your visible and/or hidden sins?
-Do you feel "naked" without your excuses or reasoning?
-Do you feel like others are constantly getting "away" with things, while God checks your heart and motives OFTEN?

Then, CONGRATS! You are on a "transparency" walk with God...

Yeah, He's "still working on you!"

Jesus said in the above verse that YOU are the light of the world!

Now look again at the definition of transparency...This is cool!

(I'm going to ad lib for a moment)

--YOU, being transparent, as a picture painted on a thin cloth or glass, or impressed on porcelain...to be viewed (by the world)...by shining natural or artificial light (Jesus Christ) through it...

Without Jesus, we are nothing. We are a "simple picture painted on a thin cloth or glass" that has no real beauty until the rays of light shine through it".

If we have "junk" in the way, the light cannot get through. If you have prayed for God to make and mold you into what He wants you to be, that is exactly what He is doing. You are to be the light to the world. If His light can't shine through because of "junk" in your life, He's going to help you remove them, because you are to shine and be a city on a hill that cannot be hidden.

Look at the first definition of transparent: having the property of transmitting rays of light through its substance so that bodies situated beyond or behind can be distinctly seen;
so sheer as to permit light to pass through.

Do rays of Jesus' light shine through you so that you stand out among the darkness around you? Do people notice that you are different? Do people seek Jesus because of what they see in You? Are you allowing Satan to hide your light under a bowl? Or is your light becoming brighter everyday for God?

I want to be so emptied of myself that God's image can totally shine through me. I want to have the property of transparency that Jesus can distinctly be seen...

Transparency is a journey...not a destination. This is one journey we will be on until we meet Jesus face-to-face. But as long as we allow Him to remove the spiritual obstacles one at a time, our light will grow brighter and brighter, permitting His reflection to overpower ours...

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~Determined to shine~

Refuse to judge...

There's a song I used to listen to as a kid, and for whatever reason, I cannot stop singing it today:) So I decided to google it and get the lyrics.

He's still working on me
By Joel Hemphill

---

Listen to the Tune CHORUS:

He's still working on me to make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
The sun and the earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be, He's still working on me.

1. There really ought to be a sign upon the heart,
Don't judge her yet, there's an unfinished part.
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hands.

CHORUS:

2. In the mirror of His Word reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am and helps me when I pray
Remember He's the Potter, I'm the clay.

CHORUS:

Well, praise God that I am not finished yet!!! But that also means one more thing...

...neither is anyone else, which means...

...I can't really judge them either...

I don't know about you, but sometimes, I get a little too big for my Christian britches. I tend to want all the grace in the world, but I'm not always willing to give it.

I want God to excuse my imperfections, but I'm not willing to excuse others'.

I want forgiveness and grace, yet I occasionally hold grudges and refuse to give grace.

I want people to quit holding my past over my head, yet how often do I remind someone else of theirs.

Do you see where I'm going with this? I am going to discuss this more, but just something to get us thinking...well, me anyway.

God has never given up on me, yet why have I given up on others?

We all have judgments towards someone else, whether it's small or big. Any time you have made a decision about someone, you have made a judgment. Is it correct? Is it right? Is it fair? Or is it your opinion? If it's a fact, is it accurate? or any of your business? We justify ourselves too often!

God wants the excuses gone, and wants us to start living a life that is giving of God's love. The world doesn't need any more pointing fingers, and mine needs to be ten less in their face.

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Re-prioritizing... .

O-kay, I have to be totally transparent with you. I love writing. I really do. I love expressing myself in words, because in person, my mouth gets tongue-tied a lot. I make total sense in writing. When I speak, I blunder and feel like an idiot.... But I LOVE writing...always have...hopefully, I always will.

Sometimes, I will read what I've written over and over in awe that I actually wrote that. I don't always feel like the girl who pumps out a blog a day. I don't always feel important, so when I read something I've written and know I'm making a difference in people's lives, I suddenly feel important.

I love knowing that other people actually want to read what I write. How cool is that for the girl who grew up as the "odd ball" to have people want to "follow" her? I get excited when I get another follower, or another comment is left. (I sense a little-lot-pride coming on here.)

When I write, I truly believe God speaks through me, but I've misused His gift for my own glory. I've taken credit for the words...for the thoughts...for the direction it's going.

I haven't necessarily done that in my posting; however, I have done that in reading my comments.

The hidden pride that is unseen...the puffed up ego as I read what people have to say about my writing...the secret conversations I have within myself... "yes, I have another follower...I must be really good, everyone seems to like me...This was a great post, why don't I have more comments...that person thinks I'm awesome...wow, look at me..."

Yes, unfortunately, these are conversations I have with myself...

So, what now?

I could have gotten away with it, but...there's bondage there. Right now, this is just a little problem, but the potential to become big is there. I don't want to go there. Falling from pride really stinks. Besides, my computer was broke long enough, I surely don't want to go through that again. LOL. Whatever God gives, He can also take away.

So, I have a solution because I really want to continue to write and blog. For an unknown period of time, I am turning off my comments. No one will be able to comment. I really love hearing from everyone, but I have to re-prioritize my writing. If you feel you need to talk to me, I have a link for my e-mail on my profile page.

I need to get back to writing for the approval of an audience of only One. I can write the most magnificent thing in the world, but if my heart isn't in the right place, it won't mean a thing.

I love to write...I love God using me through writing...but most of all, I love the fact that He loves me enough not to let me stay the way I am. Changes bring me closer to my Heavenly Father, and in the direction of His will! Love you guys!!!

~Moving forward towards God's will.~

Rediscover...

Rediscovering who I am in Christ...



I tend to focus on "where I'm not", instead of "where I am" or "where I've come from". There is some part of me that seeks out failing moments, instead of accomplished successes . My eyes see the steps I have missed, instead of the miles I have walked. My heart condemns the blown reactions, rather than the many I got right. In order to get to where I need to be, I have to see where I've been, which will confirm that I am right where I am supposed to be.

The last week in my blogging has been incredible for me. As I look back into my past, I am beginning to see a new perspective in my present. I TRULY AM NOT THE SAME AS I USED TO BE!

It's one thing to say it, it's another to represent it, yet even another to believe it!

I've been saying it for years.
I represent it often.
Yet, I've never believed...

Yet, today I BELIEVE it!

"I am a new creation in Christ!"
"I am an Heir to the throne!"
"I am the head and not the tail!"
"I am more than a conquerer!"
"I can do ALL things in Christ!"
"I am a daughter of the King!"

O-kay, so I believe it more than I did yesterday. And that is a start...

Is there something that God has been saying about you that you need to begin to believe?

Are you believing lies from the enemy about yourself or your situation?

Do you need to re-discover who you are in Christ...or who God really is?

Do you view yourself as worthy, valuable, precious, acceptable, priceless, and wanted in the eyes of God? If not, you are believing a lie...a lie that the enemy crafted and engraved in your heart and thoughts.

You are worthy! You are valuable! You are precious! You are acceptable! You are priceless! God wants YOU and loves YOU unconditionally! Anything less than that is a lie from the pit of hell. It's time to start believing the VOICE OF TRUTH!!!



God doesn't lie. He doesn't make junk. He doesn't change His mind about you and I because we sin or mess up. His love is a love that NEVER changes! Can you grasp that?

I don't care how big the mess you are in, God has not changed His mind about you.

So together, let's begin to believe that we are God's beloved and cherished, and begin stomping on the lies that keep us from becoming all that God means for us to be.

Let's renew our minds and rediscover who we are in Christ!!!

Not the same

My Song
(c) 2003 Heaven Sparks


I turned the corner of my heart, I met him once again. He was haunting me and taunting me with the sins from my past. He said, "You'll never be forgiven, and you will never change. This stronghold you will never break, you are bound by your mistakes."

I fell on my knees, I hung my head in shame. Overwhelmed with condemnation, my heart buried in pain. When suddenly, God spoke to me and set me on my feet. He said, "You are not a prisoner, the Truth has set you free. You're not the same, not the same as you used to be."

I have touched Him
I have seen Him,
heard Him
whispering my name.
I'm not the same,
Not the same
as I used to be.


I said, "I'm a new creation, an heir to His throne. God is my Redeemer and He's claimed me as His own. Satan, get behind me in the name of Jesus Christ! I have been forgiven, my Savior's paid the price.

I'm not the same,
not the same
as I used to be...
-------------------------------------------------------

I'm in a reflecting mood, as God is recalling to mind His love for me. As I was searching for something, I found both the picture in my previous post, and this song I had written years ago.

We all have a story- a past. As I think about mine, I feel overwhelmed with God's love for me. Yet, while we were still sinners, He was there...loving on us...crying for us...waiting for us...

Wow...what an awesome God we serve.

I have a scars on my body from cutting on myself. I used to hate it, as people would notice the one on my wrist. I am no longer ashamed of those scars, because they serve as a constant reminder of how far God has brought me. My scars truly reflect that I really am not the same...not the same as I used to be~

Resting...

At the cross I found...

Redemption & Grace...

...my past erased...

...Jesus whispering my name...

He took away my shame...

I want to touch you!

This is a drawing I did in February of 2003. It was a time when
life really was not good, yet I
chose to run to the cross and
lean on my Savior.

I was going to do a post to go along with my January 1st post, but today, I just want to reflect on Jesus.

I want to lie my head on Him and rest. I want to go back and touch Him. I want to relax in His arms and listen to the sound of His heart beating my name. I want to hear Him tell me that I am a beautiful princess and that He loves me just the way I am...flawed and all...knowing I will sin again tomorrow. I want to see His eyes as He adores me. Tonight, I just want to meet with the Lover of my soul...

(Maybe this does fit in with my January 1st post)

~In His arms

Reflect on the mint green tissue box...

(My mint green tissue box)

Reflect...on God's faithfulness and goodness

• "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Psalm 23:6a
• "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

 By allowing my mind to wander, financial worries began to creep in...with one thought...then another...then...more.

Instead of taking that first thought captive...or second and so forth, I allowed those thoughts to reflect my God, instead of allowing my God to reflect against my thoughts.

Before long (not long I might add), my thoughts turned into fears. Suddenly, my fears reflected that God was not big enough to provide for my bills, my needs, my gas, etc.

I trust God! I really do. I trust Him for eternity. I trust Him for my health. I trust Him for direction. I trust Him. I do, I do, I do. I trust Him so much with my finances. I really trust Him...so much that...well, sometimes, I make things happen and...take things into my own hands...well...just in case He doesn't...um...provide.

Time and time again, God has totally provided for all my needs. When my kids were little, I ran out of diapers, had no money, so I prayed. By the next needed diaper change, I had a big bag of diapers dropped off on my front porch. Literally! No note and no idea who did it, but God does.

I've driven vehicles until they have literally fallen apart. I've driven to the mechanic's shop to have something repaired, and parts have busted into hundreds of pieces when they go to remove it. They always tell me, "There is no way this vehicle should have driven into this parking lot, let alone keep you going this long." When there's no money, there aren't many options, so I pray for God to keep me going until the money comes in.

I've driven on an empty gas tank for a good week, with a piece of paper over my "low fuel" light because I didn't have money for gas. I would pray for God to make it stretch and then cover the gas gauge, vowing not to weaken my faith by looking at it. When it finally did run out of gas, a lady came up to me, and asked I would be offended if she filled my gas tank.

My kids and I have prayed for food, just to have someone drop off food at our house within the day, including the little "snacky" things they like to eat. Sometimes I only tell God to see how He will provide. My friends and family get annoyed because I don't tell them when I need something: a disconnect notice, no food, low toilet paper, etc. But for me, it spoils the excitement of how God will provide. Some say I'm prideful (which sometimes I am), but most of the time, I just want to see the way that God will provide.

With all these wonderful and amazing ways God provides, you would think that I would totally, 100% trust God with my finances. Right? Well...when I allow my thoughts to wander, when I reflect on my worries, when I allow my thoughts to turn into fears, when I allow my fears to reflect the size of my God, well...I get in a tizzy about my finances.

It doesn't happen too much, but when it does, I feel like I have to find a way to provide for my needs, instead of waiting, taking matters into my own hands. I know when I am doing this, I am not trusting God. I know if I wait, God ALWAYS comes through! Yet, if my thoughts reflect on the doubts, and fears, this is where my mind goes.

I started to worry about food. I knew I couldn't even put food in my budget because my bills were so much this month. The only thing I could do was to trust God to provide, or take money from another bill to buy some food.

"Yes, I am totally going to trust God. I really am. He's provided before. But what if he doesn't? What will I make for meals? What do I tell my kids? I don't have much milk...or bread...or much fridge food. Oh, but I am going to trust God. I am. I am. I am...But...what if...but...what if...I run out...what if...yes, I have to go buy food myself. That's what I'll do. God might come too late. I'll make up that bill later...Sorry God, but I gotta' take care of myself."

There is something totally wrong with that scenario! Unfortunately, God hears similar conversations like that all the time. When our thoughts reflect fears, we can't trust.

Anyway, I went to the store, bought $40 of food and toilet paper, etc. I also bought a box of Kleenex's. I normally do not splurge on this item, but rather deal with a roll of toilet paper sitting on my counter to take care of the nose "drippies". (sorry! This story does have a point. I promise, I am almost done.)

Okay, so I chose a pretty mint green box. The color just stood out, and I thought it was pretty. I check out, go home, put my food away, and within the hour, I had a knock on my door. My precious friend was standing at the door with 4 or 5 bags of food, about the same amount of bags I c0me home from the store with.

Immediately, I felt...a repentance session coming on.

We talked. I shared my story with her about me not trusting. She left. I put groceries away. Had my talk with God, repenting for my lack of faith, and went to bed.

In the morning, I was just in awe. I noticed how I suddenly had duplicates of everything. The things she bought for my family were similar to the items I bought for myself only a couple hours before she showed up. God is good. God is still faithful. God still provides.

I looked on top of the fridge and there sat a mint green, pretty box of kleenex's; however they were not the ones I purchased.

It was the box my friend picked up for me...

I chuckled...

...and God spoke gently to me and said..."I even got the mint green, pretty ones you liked..."

I just love God, and today, I reflect once again on His goodness and faithfulness!

• "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Psalm 23:6a
• "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

~Wiping my grateful tears with my mint green, pretty box of tissues~

Recapture

Recapture~ To capture again...recover by capture...retake...to bring back by remembering...seize...take hold of...obtain...

This sounds like an action word. One which requires movement...forceful...taking of...purposeful...involves strategy...not a passive activity...

What do you need to recapture in your life today? Is it joy of the Lord? Freedom from bondage or addiction? A grateful attitude? A childlike faith? A servant's heart? Smiles and laughter? Quietness? Stillness? Quality time with your family or with your children? Your position in Christ? Lost hope or dreams? A slender figure? Finances?

Whatever it may be, God doesn't expect you to do alone.

He does, however, expect us to do our part. We are God's warriors and we are strong in and because of Christ Jesus.

Do you ever realize how fighting for justice or getting your kids to obey is not always an easy process? It takes commitment, discipline, consistency, and persistence. The same is true of life.

Joel 3:9 Proclaim this among the nations: Prepare for war! Rouse the warriors! Let all the fighting men draw near and attack.

It is time to quit complaining and making excuses on why we are not doing the things God is asking us to do. It's time to recapture those things in your life that God has given you authority and power over. You are not helpless or weak, because HE is strong. You are not a prisoner of your situation because HE has redeemed you by the blood of the lamb. You are not a victim, but..."more than a conquerer."

Let's proclaim that we are children of God, we are going to stand, we are going to make a difference, and we are going to recapture those things in which the enemy has tried to steal from us!

~Recapturing my joy~

Re-evaluate

Lord, plant my feet on higher ground...

For 2009, help me to:

• Recapture the joy of You, Lord.
• Remember all You have done.
• Reflect on Your goodness and faithfulness.
• Reestablish my boundaries.
• Reclaim my position in Christ.
• Regain ground stolen from the enemy.
• Refrain from bitterness.
• Repent quickly when I sin.
• Renew my mind
• Regard others better than myself
• Resign from judging others.
• Reject wickedness.
• Remain in You.
• Return to my first love.
• Receive others.
• Reinvent my thought life.
• Refresh my prayer life.
• Resolve unsettled matters in my heart.
• Reconcile broken relationships where possible.
• Recount the blessings You've given.
• Reinvest my life into the Kingdom of God.
• Relinquish my rights, desires, & own will for my life.
• Represent the attitude of Christ in all I do.
• Reduce criticism of others & of myself.
• Rediscover who I am in Christ.

The prefix "re-" means "again." So Heavenly Father~ Please do it again! Do what You need to in each one of us, in order to bring us to a place of total harmony with You. Restore our relationships, our churches, our communities, and our nation. Lord, our nation will reap what it has sown, but Father, have mercy on Your people as we draw near to You. May we become explosive for the Kingdom of God. May hearts be softened and turn heavenward. Let revival come, and let it begin and remain in each one of us... In Jesus' precious name~ Amen