January 29, 2019

It's not failing

A couple weeks ago, I posted about fasting. God told me not to expect perfection, but progress....baby steps.

I'm still on this fast and I'm failing doing it about 60% of the time. The first time when I failed didn't follow the fast as planned, I was really hard on myself and a little disgruntled with God.

"See, I knew I couldn't do it! Why did you ask me to do it?"
"I always fail at this. Why try?"
"I may as well stop since I blew it."

And in His signature, small whisper, I heard in my heart, "There's always next time."

The voice that beat me up was mine. The voice that encouraged was His.

So, I thought, "What do I have to lose? I'll do it next time," And sure enough, I did. And I did it the time after that. And the time after that. And the time after that, I failed fell short. 

God asked me permission to step right dab in the middle of one of my habits so He can change my routine and my patterns. He's asked me to stretch myself and think outside of the box. Concerning that habit, I hear, "Can you wait 5 more minutes", So I wait...and I succeed. I do what I set out to do with this fast. Sometimes I don't' wait that 5 minutes. In my mind, I fail. He simply says, "Next time".

I've always been the type of person that gives up on something if I can't do it perfectly. I almost think it's a self-sabotaging mindset I have. It's like I set myself up to fail so I can say, "Told you so." God is changing this mindset in me.

See, God isn't calling me a failure if I don't operate in the way He's called me to. He just keeps on telling me, "next time. You'll do it next time."

Eventually, I will have a success rate of 75%, and then 80%, and then 90%, and so forth. Baby steps...one 5 minute period at a time... 

I think the success comes in continuing on this journey. I don't think the success comes in the completion of the task at hand, but rather, in the fact that I'm not giving up. I'm striving for progress,  not perfection.

1 comment:

Leaon Mary said...

I SOOOO related to your thoughts/feelings and often beat myself up the same ways! Why is it ... easier to give grace to other people but not to ourself? I dunno?

Thankyou for sharing your walk and journey ... you've inspired me today. I know we all have struggles and want you to know I'm cheering for you and praying for you right now in yours.... You can do ALL things ... in Christ. Even this hard thing.

Who am I Lord?

1 Chronicles 17:16 Then  King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said: "Who am I, Lord God, and what is my family, that you...