Hebrews 12:10-12 (New International Version)
10Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. 12Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees.
Ah...the love of discipline...
I am an "all or nothing" kind of girl. My thinking says that if I can't do something right or good all the time, then I surely am not good at it AT ALL. Now, truth be told, I know that is so incorrect in my head, but in my heart, I still condemn myself for not being able to do it all the time.
I wrote a post (now deleted) that I was taking a break from blogging AGAIN! I continue to get caught up in escaping from reality by sitting at my computer and totally "zoning" out to the world around me.
I was condemning myself (again!) because I am not "getting" this thing called life. I continue to fall into the same traps of sin or over-indulgence time and time again. When it comes to the computer, I say "Ok, I am done blogging...done checking Facebook...done twittering...done playing games."
Well, this lasts long enough for me to fall "off the wagon", so to speak, and then I'm back into the over-indulgence again. It's that "all or nothing" mentality that I get trapped into.
My past is full of different addictions I've overcome, yet I've simply traded one addiction for another, and declared myself "recovered." The pattern of addiction still remains, yet it tries to masks itself in another habit.
I sat down with God yesterday, and just poured my heart out, totally frustrated with myself. Everything in my life right now comes down to "self-discipline". The battle remains in my will...
"...My spirit is willing, but my body is weak." Matthew 26:41b
That means that "I press on toward the goal...(Phil. 3:14)" Press on through the pain. Press on to train my body and my mind to become obedient to what God has called me to do.
That means I don't go into "flight" mode when things get hard, running away from those things that overwhelm me. That means I need to go into "fight" mode and stick with things as God teaches me discipline. That means when I wake up and am overcome with depressing thoughts, I need to run to the Word of God and make my lips speak scriptures instead of running back to bed and disappearing under the covers for the day. That means that when I am tempted to "zone out" in front of the computer because I don't have to deal with my life, I instead "zone into" the Word of God, or a devotional, or teaching tapes, or anything that is going to keep my focus here, in my life, and on God, the author and perfecter of my faith, who has promised not to let me handle anything which Him and I, together, can't handle.
That means before I blog or check my other favorite sites, I have my own devotions, grab a timer, and begin to make myself become disciplined...one moment at a time.
And if (when) I fail, I need to get up, wipe myself off, and once again, press on and into a life of discipline...