January 7, 2009

Re-prioritizing... .

O-kay, I have to be totally transparent with you. I love writing. I really do. I love expressing myself in words, because in person, my mouth gets tongue-tied a lot. I make total sense in writing. When I speak, I blunder and feel like an idiot.... But I LOVE writing...always have...hopefully, I always will.

Sometimes, I will read what I've written over and over in awe that I actually wrote that. I don't always feel like the girl who pumps out a blog a day. I don't always feel important, so when I read something I've written and know I'm making a difference in people's lives, I suddenly feel important.

I love knowing that other people actually want to read what I write. How cool is that for the girl who grew up as the "odd ball" to have people want to "follow" her? I get excited when I get another follower, or another comment is left. (I sense a little-lot-pride coming on here.)

When I write, I truly believe God speaks through me, but I've misused His gift for my own glory. I've taken credit for the words...for the thoughts...for the direction it's going.

I haven't necessarily done that in my posting; however, I have done that in reading my comments.

The hidden pride that is unseen...the puffed up ego as I read what people have to say about my writing...the secret conversations I have within myself... "yes, I have another follower...I must be really good, everyone seems to like me...This was a great post, why don't I have more comments...that person thinks I'm awesome...wow, look at me..."

Yes, unfortunately, these are conversations I have with myself...

So, what now?

I could have gotten away with it, but...there's bondage there. Right now, this is just a little problem, but the potential to become big is there. I don't want to go there. Falling from pride really stinks. Besides, my computer was broke long enough, I surely don't want to go through that again. LOL. Whatever God gives, He can also take away.

So, I have a solution because I really want to continue to write and blog. For an unknown period of time, I am turning off my comments. No one will be able to comment. I really love hearing from everyone, but I have to re-prioritize my writing. If you feel you need to talk to me, I have a link for my e-mail on my profile page.

I need to get back to writing for the approval of an audience of only One. I can write the most magnificent thing in the world, but if my heart isn't in the right place, it won't mean a thing.

I love to write...I love God using me through writing...but most of all, I love the fact that He loves me enough not to let me stay the way I am. Changes bring me closer to my Heavenly Father, and in the direction of His will! Love you guys!!!

~Moving forward towards God's will.~

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