Letter to Heaven

Letter to myself...

There is a thing going around on "bloggy world" where you write a letter to your younger self- 20 years ago. It doesn't change anything, and obviously, you can't take your life back, but after doing this letter, it helped me realize just how much God truly had a hand in my life even back then. Although I may have regrets, I really wouldn't change a thing, because EVERYthing that has happened in my life to this point has made me the woman I am today~ A work in progress...






Dear precious girl~







You are 13 years old and I know you feel like you are all alone in the world. You have already experienced so much that a young girl your age should never have to face. There are some things you remember and some things you don't yet. I want you to know that you are not alone and that you have a future FULL of hope!



In less than a year, your whole life will change. You will be going to a new state, a huge school, and life will seem out-of-control. You are a very smart, bright, and beautiful young woman with sooooooo much potential. Believe in yourself, and don't let others make you feel any less than that.


You've just gotten your heart broken for the first time, and that boy has no clue about the woman he's going to miss out on. Shake it off and don't give him another chance because you are no one's "closet" girlfriend! You deserve better!





Right now, you may feel ugly, clumsy, awkward, and unloved, but 20-years from now, you will be a woman who is loved and cherished by many, many people. You will be a woman who is clothed with honor, integrity, and humility. You will be talented and smart, and will have a beautiful heart.

I would like to tell you that the next 20-years will be fabulous, but I can't. I would also like to tell you to make different choices, but you also can't because all of the choices you make will mold you into the woman you will become. Your experiences and the things you go through will be an amazing testimony to others who need to be understood and loved right where they are.

Here is a glimpse of what is to come. As you go through each thing, you will feel like you just want to die, but you survive and conquer and overcome ALL obstacles!


In a couple years, you will get to see your daddy again. You will be SO happy! Unfortunately, he will commit suicide within a few months of seeing him. I'm sorry. I know you've been longing for that relationship for a long time. Your prayers will be answered and he will accept Christ as his Savior...but it will not be until he's about to die.


You will be at the hospital praying over him and reading the Bible to him as he lies dying. Don't feel intimidated by the people in the room. They won't "get" it, but your daddy will. Don't get mad at God. He plans to make good come out of this situation.



When you are in high school, your mom is going to go through some rough years as well. Your home life is going to feel like it's shattering, but your mom has to go through these things to get to where she will one day be. These things ARE NOT your fault! She's doing the best that she knows how. Allow yourself to be a kid; it's not your job to hold your family together.



You know that "pain-in-the-butt" sister of yours??? She will one day be your best friend. I know, hard to believe, but there will come a day when you actually like talking to her and hanging out with her. She only tortures you because she needs love. Pay attention to her because one day, she will be your strength, your biggest cheerleader, and one of your greatest encouragers.



BE NICE TO YOUR BROTHER...He has feelings too, and he just needs to feel loved and accepted. You will crush his heart with your words and actions. Be careful with your words... Your mom is right, someday, he will be bigger than you! All that tinkering he does, well, it will come in handy, because he will one day, drop everything just to help you. He's a good brother:)

You will walk away from God, look for love in all the wrong places, seek comfort in the things that you say you will never, EVER do...

and you will try to end your life...
...more than once.

A razor will no longer be used just to shave your legs; it will become a tool to torture yourself with because you feel so worthless. Food will be forced out of your body as a way of finding some sense of control in your life. You will become an alcoholic. You will abuse drugs. You will constantly give your body away in hopes to regain that which was stolen. You will earn a horrible reputation, but that will eventually be washed away. Believe me! One day, people will NEVER be able to picture you being the woman I am describing.

You will find love one day. . .

Remember when you were 8 years old? The doctor told your mom that you'd never have kids because of the damage, to your body, from years of sexual abuse. Ha! Ha!

HE WAS WRONG!!!

You will have TWO precious boys!!!

You may think that you will treat them as the miracles that they are, but you won't. While they are still young, you will abuse them and they will end up in foster care for a few months. You will even over-dose while they are in the next room sleeping. BUT you WILL learn to love them, you WILL learn to cherish them, you WILL end up being a good mother.

I'm sorry...

All of this has to happen in order for you to get the help you need, and to begin the process of loving others and yourself. You'll even homeschool them for a couple years and LOVE it. They will become your reason for living! They are amazing boys!!!

You will live in one state for almost 20 years! Crazy, huh? Yes, honey, you will one day be stable!

You will like yourself, but most important, you will LOVE yourself...and be able to let others love you. It may take awhile, but it will happen:)

You WILL find God again!

You will make many mistakes,

some even huge,

but you will learn about God's forgiveness.

...You will learn to forgive...

You will get your heart broken, but you will witness God's healing. You will see precious dreams die, but God will give you bigger and better ones.

You will watch people you love...

Die...

My mother-in-law and friend, Carol, died on September 11, 2002 from cancer.
Tony and I watched as she took her last breath...
My precious Grandma, Irene, died in 2007.
(although this picture was taken when my grandpa died,
I also held her hand, and sang to her in the wee hours before
she went to see Jesus AND grandpa!)

but you will get to minister to them before they do. You will hurt people, but you will get really good at saying you are sorry...and you will truly mean it:)

God will restore you, redeem you, heal you, and make you whole. He will become your Provider, your Husband, your friend, and the Father you never had. He will become your 'all-in-all', and He will show you that even through all the bad stuff, He was there shielding you from the worse stuff...

Heaven Danell Moorhouse, you are cherished and you have a Heavenly Father who adores you and rejoices over you with singing. You have a long road ahead of you, but you will make it.


~Love, Heaven Danell (as a much older & wiser woman)