2009 is almost over? PART 2

So as I sit here this evening, analyzing my motives, my actions, my thoughts, and my attitudes, I realize I'm feeling disappointment and regret... ...because I allowed another year to pass and I sit here with nothing to show for it!!! Or do I???

PART 2

Christmas 2008

Here sat a girl wounded and broken, going through a divorce, questioning every decision she made, wondering if anyone could ever really love her- completely, wholly, and unconditionally...Feeling empty and lost inside, filled with depression, anxiety, and lack of purpose.

Christmas 2009

Here sits a woman, who fought through obstacle after obstacle, trying to find the One true love of her life...now with a mended heart, joy unspeakable, and purpose. She knows without a doubt that the Creator of the universe, the Lord of the heavens, the Savior of this world is completely in love with His creation-Her! She knows the love of a Father she never had and she calls him Papa God! She stands at the top of a mountain looking at all the incredible things God has for her! She sings because she is happy! She laughs because it's real! She encourages because she believes everyone can have what she has! She lives-and lives life to the fullest because she can! She believes in the dreams of her heart and plans to go after them because she knows they are HERS!

Hmmm... She has much to show for 2009...

2009 is almost over?

My title says what lies in my heart at this moment. I sit here wondering where my year went.

I sit with similar dreams locked deep in my heart, that I didn't pursue this year. I sit with more weight than I started the year off with. I sit here with doubts and failures wondering, "What will truly be different this year?"

I have found myself extremely irritated today-mostly over the small things that really shouldn't get to me... I have been on the verge of tears for days now. I napped today as well as yesterday, and I could easily sleep on and on and on:)

Sigh...what am I avoiding? What am I afraid of? What truly is the heart matter of my irritation and aggravation? And what's up with sleeping more???

So as I sit here this evening, analyzing my motives, my actions, my thoughts, and my attitudes, I realize I'm feeling disappointment and regret...

...because I allowed another year to pass and I sit here with nothing to show for it!!!

Or do I???

(To be continued...)

If/Then...

IF my people, who are called by my name,
will humble themselves
and PRAY and SEEK my face
and TURN from their wicked ways,
THEN will I hear from heaven and
will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

2 Chronicles 7:14


(Image by Tiffany Vox)

God has many IF/THEN's in the Bible...

Do you ever wonder why some people get their "breakthrough" and why others do not? I used to. I actually used to get mad at God because people were getting blessed and I was "stuck" in my own prison.

One of the key elements of those people receiving their blessing and breakthrough is that they NEVER gave up. They pressed through the obstacles that came their way. They pushed past the oppression that tried to suffocate them. They kept proclaiming the promises that God had given them specifically for their life and for their families.

They didn't quit because they WANTED and DESIRED what was ahead of them! Others knew that turning back wasn't an option, so they continued to go forward.

For me, I kept going because I got tired of going around this mountain over and over and over. I kept going because I desired the freedom others had already received. I kept going because I knew there was a destiny and purpose for my life other than what I was experiencing.

God would lead me to verses about "joy" and living life "more abundantly", and I'd know in my heart, I was not experiencing either! BUT I WANTED TO. I wanted what others had. I wanted to be free. I wanted to switch from being "needy" to being "needed".

As I gave up things (and people) that God asked me to, I would get even angrier, because I still wasn't being blessed or breaking through. At several points throughout the last year, I told God,

"I have given up _________and _________and _________ and _______, and what am I getting in return??? NOTHING!!!"

I have a very open relationship with God. He knows our thoughts, feelings, disappointments- He knows it all. He doesn't want us to pretend with Him or be the "polite" Christian- being fake or pretending we feel something we don't. In fact, much of what I know about my Heavenly Father, came from my honest conversations with Him.

I share that, not to say, "disrespect God who is Holy", but to say that EVEN though God is Holy, He is also my Father, whom I don't have to "pretend" around.

In those moments of anger and openness with My Father God, He would gently wrap my heart in His arms, and whisper words of encouragement, love, and adoration to my Spirit.

"Keep going, sweet daughter...My ways are so much higher than yours, and My thoughts are not your thoughts. What you don't see is how I am molding you into your destiny, one choice at a time. I am so proud of you! Keep leaning on Me, and don't give up! You are almost to the top of this mountain before you."

He brought me to the top...He gave me my breakthrough! AND He wants to do the same for you!!!

Keep pressing on and DO NOT give up!!!!

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~Father God~

The word "testimony" means to "do it again!". I pray Lord God, that YOU as I share my testimonies, that YOU would DO IT AGAIN!!! Do it again for my friends! In their lives, may YOUR glory be revealed and YOUR power released in their hopeless situations and circumstances. Father, I know how hard it is to keep pressing on, because it gets soooooo tiring and it is sooooooo easy to quit! I know the pain and striving it takes to climb that mountain when the screams of the body and soul is saying, "I can't do this anymore!" I know the frustration of seeing everyone else get "free", yet being so entangled in your own prison. I know the longing and desires of wanting to be "birthed" into what You've called me to!

Oh Jesus, You know it too! You know everything we feel, everything we have faced, and everything that is still to come! I pray YOUR persevering power into my friends' lives!!! For ANYONE reading this blog, for anyone who doesn't even know it exists!!! Pour out YOUR Spirit of breakthrough in the lives of those who are seeking YOU! Let them know that they know that they KNOW that there IS more to this life!!! AND IT IS SOOOOOOOOO FULFILLING!!!!! Thank You for Your grace and mercy upon us! Thank YOU for NEVER giving up on me- my stubbornness and all!!! I love You soooo much!!!

In Jesus' precious name, Let it be done!!! AMEN!!!

I have Power???

The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from
the dead, lives in you.
And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead,
he will give life
to your mortal bodies by this
same Spirit living within you.
Romans 8:11 (NLT)

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WOWZERS!!! Did you get that???

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IF you have invited Jesus Christ into your heart,
YOU HAVE the SAME Spirit inside of you that
RAISED JESUS FROM THE DEAD!!!

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IF you haven't...

...THEN WHAT ARE YOU
WAITING FOR???

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God NOT ONLY gives us a NEW LIFE....

...BUT POWER & AUTHORITY

to LIVE that new life!!!

NOT ONLY power & authority...

...BUT...

...VICTORY!!!!!!!
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Are YOU living victorious today???

Are YOU living in the FREEDOM Jesus offers???

Are YOU living your life FULL OF JOY???

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~~~~Dear Jesus~~~~

I lift up my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I lift of those who have not YET chosen You. I pray that YOU would flood their world with YOUR presence! I pray that YOU would draw them into YOUR amazing love and grace and hope and peace! I claim VICTORY & FREEDOM into their lives today! I pray that the SAME SPIRIT that RAISED YOU up from the grave would RISE UP within each one of us! I pray that WE WOULD BECOME EMPOWERED by YOUR Spirit within us! I pray that our eyes would be able to see TRUTH! THE TRUTH about who we are because of WHO YOU ARE!!! Oh, Jesus, I pray for those who have never chosen to walk life with YOU, or for those who have walked away...I pray that YOU would shine light into their heart and their mind and that you would awaken their desire to LIVE WITH AND FOR YOU, -which YOU placed within each person created!!!

I pray for those struggling to reach the mountain top. I pray for those who have lost their joy and direction. I pray for those who can't find their purpose or are afraid to step into their future. I pray for those who LONG for freedom, LONG for restoration, LONG for HOPE and PEACE. YOU know each one who is tired and weary and those who don't want to go on. Dear Jesus, meet each one of them right where they are at, and touch their hearts like never before! RESTORE, REBUILD, REMODEL, RE-ENGAGE, RE-PLANT, RE-SOIL, RENEW.

Thank You Jesus for who You are, for what YOU have done, and for all that You are still accomplishing!!! You are soooooo amazing and I praise You for Your grace and Your restoration in my life!

In Jesus' precious name, Amen

Remembering...

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about (remember) such things." Philippians 4:8

Remember- keep in mind, bear in mind, call to mind, cite, conjure up, dig into the past, dwell upon, fix in the mind, have memories, hold dear, keep forever, know by heart, memorialize, recall, recollect, refresh memory, remind, think back...

Awwww....how many times does your mind wander each day? What consumes your thoughts? Are there memories that you hold dear? Do you dig into the past to edify your "todays" or to haunt your "tomorrows"? What "fixed" memories do you meditate on? Are they keeping you grounded and focused on Christ or do they send you into a state of condemnation, leaving you bound for failure?

I used to have a problem with remembering. (And I don't mean the kind that comes with age- like forgetting)

I remembered and thoughts on the wrong things: past failures, mistakes, grievances, broken hearts, hurts, sins (my own and those of others), grudges, and so forth.

My mind used to wander quite often throughout the day. At the end of the day, my mind was exhausted, yet I did nothing strenuous. Have you ever had that problem???

I figured out that I allowed my mind to gravitate towards those negative things that sucked my energy. Note the word "allowed". We are to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:5, yet how often do we "allow" our thoughts to take us captive.

Heavenly Father~

Today, I choose to remember what You've done in my life. I thank You that You are Truth! I thank You that You are noble, right, pure, lovely, & admirable! I thank You that You are the perfect example of all of those qualities. I thank You for giving me the "mind of Christ", and the power over my thoughts. Help me to think "excellence" in all I do, say, or think. Help me to develop an attitude of praise. May I meditate on Your word and become "fixed in purpose", not wavering to the left or to the right. I pray I would begin to start speaking to the champion in myself and in those around me, that we may rise up and become ALL that You would have us be. Most of all, may I remember where I've come from and the sacrifice that Jesus Christ made for me on the cross that has gotten me to where I am today.

In Jesus' name, Amen~

Remembering on PURPOSE!

(This post was 1st published in Jan. 2009)

Who am I

We had a breakthrough during our church service this morning! God is incredible!!! I am simply in awe at His grace and mercy and love for me. I seriously wish I could give you what I feel right now. I wish I could somehow upload into your heart what God has downloaded into mine. My "hard drive" is overflowing with God's supernatural touch!

The boys and I were watching Evan Almighty tonight. We've seen it many times before; yet tonight, I noticed one conversation out of the whole movie. Evan is talking to God and saying, "Why? Why have you chosen me?"

God told him..."You want to change the world...and so do I!"

So many times, I've asked God similar questions. I look around at my life, and at all the things God has done in and through me, and I am totally floored!

1 Chronicles 17:16:17 Then King David went in and sat before the LORD, and he said:
"Who am I, O LORD God, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far? ¹⁷ And as if this were not enough in your sight, O God, you have spoken about the future of the house of your servant. You have looked on me as though I were the most exalted of men, O LORD God.

I am blessed more than I could have ever imagined or dreamed!

Oh Heavenly Father~ I pray for those who are reading this...You see each heart and every emotion they feel! You know the ones who don't even have the strength to dream anymore. You know the ones who are believing the lies of the enemy as he tells them that they must not be good enough. You know the ones who are tired of going forward and fighting the same battles over and over and over. You know the ones who rejoice as, they too, have crossed into Your threshold. You know the ones who get up only to be knocked down again. You see the ones who are longing to be "birthed". You see the ones who just want to be used by you! You see the lonely and afflicted, the confused and the scared...Oh God, you see them all.
They need Your touch in their life! Oh Father, I have so much extra joy and blessings in my heart, and I'd gladly share, but I know that You have a special call on each person's life. You have special gifts for each and every person and I pray that You would pour those out into their lives. Open up the windows of heaven and let Your power fall over the "impossible situations", the "doomed people", the "Hopeless"...
God, if YOU can move mightily in my life, I KNOW You can move in their life!!! Let it be done in Jesus Name!!! Amen~

Envision...

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:9 NIV

What would it look like if you were free from all of the emotional and mental "baggage" you carry around? How would it feel not to have the weight of the world on your shoulders? What if God came into your world and did more for you than you could ever imagine or dream?

Are there worrisome thoughts or anxieties that steal your joy? Do you have past failures that you cannot forgive yourself for? Do you "self-soothe" through activities or substances that are not healthy to your body (or your mind or soul)? Are you tired of having "dreams" or aspirations for your future and getting no where with them?

Well, today, I want you to envision what your life would be like if you could do anything you set your heart to. Envision the view in front of you if you could just climb over the mountain in your way.

Dictionary.com defines Envision as this: to picture mentally, esp. some future event or events: to envision a bright future. Synonyms include: anticipate, contemplate, conceptualize, foresee, grasp, imagine, see, view, visualize...

Envision freedom from... depression; people pleasing; self-destructing behaviors; wrong thinking; judgmental attitudes; addictions; anxiety; self-defeating way of life; being a work-a-holic...

Envision not being afraid! Envision freedom from fear of... failure, rejection, success, people, new adventures, becoming too prideful...

Envision feeling good about yourself! Envision freedom from...self-condemnation; unworthiness; striving for acceptance; not being good enough; being your own worst critic; never measuring up; never forgiving yourself...

Can you get a sense in your heart of what that would feel like? Can you feel the weight lifting off as you dream and envision, OR are you shutting that down because you don't want to dream because "it doesn't happen anyway"...

Will you take a risk today and dream/envision/imagine/visualize what your life would be like if you if you were FREE from those things that weigh you down???

I want you to write that down somewhere and keep it in a place you can refer to it often. The more you look at it, the more you will begin to believe it's possible! The more you believe it's possible, the more actions you will take to "move you" there. The more actions you take to "move you" there, the sooner you will experience your freedom!


~Heavenly Father, I pray for those reading this that You would plant a dream in their heart. Help them to envision their life without the baggage that has tried to make its permanent home in their heart. Oh Father, show them Your hope and your aspirations for their life. Help them to dream again! I pray for a tangible touch of your love on each person visiting this blog...Lord, SHOW UP in their lives in ways that are so much higher than ours. May your dreams for them be more than what they could ever imagine. Put your protection over each person as they begin to envision Your freedom! In Jesus' name, Amen~