Re-prioritizing... .

O-kay, I have to be totally transparent with you. I love writing. I really do. I love expressing myself in words, because in person, my mouth gets tongue-tied a lot. I make total sense in writing. When I speak, I blunder and feel like an idiot.... But I LOVE writing...always have...hopefully, I always will.

Sometimes, I will read what I've written over and over in awe that I actually wrote that. I don't always feel like the girl who pumps out a blog a day. I don't always feel important, so when I read something I've written and know I'm making a difference in people's lives, I suddenly feel important.

I love knowing that other people actually want to read what I write. How cool is that for the girl who grew up as the "odd ball" to have people want to "follow" her? I get excited when I get another follower, or another comment is left. (I sense a little-lot-pride coming on here.)

When I write, I truly believe God speaks through me, but I've misused His gift for my own glory. I've taken credit for the words...for the thoughts...for the direction it's going.

I haven't necessarily done that in my posting; however, I have done that in reading my comments.

The hidden pride that is unseen...the puffed up ego as I read what people have to say about my writing...the secret conversations I have within myself... "yes, I have another follower...I must be really good, everyone seems to like me...This was a great post, why don't I have more comments...that person thinks I'm awesome...wow, look at me..."

Yes, unfortunately, these are conversations I have with myself...

So, what now?

I could have gotten away with it, but...there's bondage there. Right now, this is just a little problem, but the potential to become big is there. I don't want to go there. Falling from pride really stinks. Besides, my computer was broke long enough, I surely don't want to go through that again. LOL. Whatever God gives, He can also take away.

So, I have a solution because I really want to continue to write and blog. For an unknown period of time, I am turning off my comments. No one will be able to comment. I really love hearing from everyone, but I have to re-prioritize my writing. If you feel you need to talk to me, I have a link for my e-mail on my profile page.

I need to get back to writing for the approval of an audience of only One. I can write the most magnificent thing in the world, but if my heart isn't in the right place, it won't mean a thing.

I love to write...I love God using me through writing...but most of all, I love the fact that He loves me enough not to let me stay the way I am. Changes bring me closer to my Heavenly Father, and in the direction of His will! Love you guys!!!

~Moving forward towards God's will.~

Rediscover...

Rediscovering who I am in Christ...



I tend to focus on "where I'm not", instead of "where I am" or "where I've come from". There is some part of me that seeks out failing moments, instead of accomplished successes . My eyes see the steps I have missed, instead of the miles I have walked. My heart condemns the blown reactions, rather than the many I got right. In order to get to where I need to be, I have to see where I've been, which will confirm that I am right where I am supposed to be.

The last week in my blogging has been incredible for me. As I look back into my past, I am beginning to see a new perspective in my present. I TRULY AM NOT THE SAME AS I USED TO BE!

It's one thing to say it, it's another to represent it, yet even another to believe it!

I've been saying it for years.
I represent it often.
Yet, I've never believed...

Yet, today I BELIEVE it!

"I am a new creation in Christ!"
"I am an Heir to the throne!"
"I am the head and not the tail!"
"I am more than a conquerer!"
"I can do ALL things in Christ!"
"I am a daughter of the King!"

O-kay, so I believe it more than I did yesterday. And that is a start...

Is there something that God has been saying about you that you need to begin to believe?

Are you believing lies from the enemy about yourself or your situation?

Do you need to re-discover who you are in Christ...or who God really is?

Do you view yourself as worthy, valuable, precious, acceptable, priceless, and wanted in the eyes of God? If not, you are believing a lie...a lie that the enemy crafted and engraved in your heart and thoughts.

You are worthy! You are valuable! You are precious! You are acceptable! You are priceless! God wants YOU and loves YOU unconditionally! Anything less than that is a lie from the pit of hell. It's time to start believing the VOICE OF TRUTH!!!



God doesn't lie. He doesn't make junk. He doesn't change His mind about you and I because we sin or mess up. His love is a love that NEVER changes! Can you grasp that?

I don't care how big the mess you are in, God has not changed His mind about you.

So together, let's begin to believe that we are God's beloved and cherished, and begin stomping on the lies that keep us from becoming all that God means for us to be.

Let's renew our minds and rediscover who we are in Christ!!!

Not the same

My Song
(c) 2003 Heaven Sparks


I turned the corner of my heart, I met him once again. He was haunting me and taunting me with the sins from my past. He said, "You'll never be forgiven, and you will never change. This stronghold you will never break, you are bound by your mistakes."

I fell on my knees, I hung my head in shame. Overwhelmed with condemnation, my heart buried in pain. When suddenly, God spoke to me and set me on my feet. He said, "You are not a prisoner, the Truth has set you free. You're not the same, not the same as you used to be."

I have touched Him
I have seen Him,
heard Him
whispering my name.
I'm not the same,
Not the same
as I used to be.


I said, "I'm a new creation, an heir to His throne. God is my Redeemer and He's claimed me as His own. Satan, get behind me in the name of Jesus Christ! I have been forgiven, my Savior's paid the price.

I'm not the same,
not the same
as I used to be...
-------------------------------------------------------

I'm in a reflecting mood, as God is recalling to mind His love for me. As I was searching for something, I found both the picture in my previous post, and this song I had written years ago.

We all have a story- a past. As I think about mine, I feel overwhelmed with God's love for me. Yet, while we were still sinners, He was there...loving on us...crying for us...waiting for us...

Wow...what an awesome God we serve.

I have a scars on my body from cutting on myself. I used to hate it, as people would notice the one on my wrist. I am no longer ashamed of those scars, because they serve as a constant reminder of how far God has brought me. My scars truly reflect that I really am not the same...not the same as I used to be~

Resting...

At the cross I found...

Redemption & Grace...

...my past erased...

...Jesus whispering my name...

He took away my shame...

I want to touch you!

This is a drawing I did in February of 2003. It was a time when
life really was not good, yet I
chose to run to the cross and
lean on my Savior.

I was going to do a post to go along with my January 1st post, but today, I just want to reflect on Jesus.

I want to lie my head on Him and rest. I want to go back and touch Him. I want to relax in His arms and listen to the sound of His heart beating my name. I want to hear Him tell me that I am a beautiful princess and that He loves me just the way I am...flawed and all...knowing I will sin again tomorrow. I want to see His eyes as He adores me. Tonight, I just want to meet with the Lover of my soul...

(Maybe this does fit in with my January 1st post)

~In His arms

Reflect on the mint green tissue box...

(My mint green tissue box)

Reflect...on God's faithfulness and goodness

• "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Psalm 23:6a
• "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

 By allowing my mind to wander, financial worries began to creep in...with one thought...then another...then...more.

Instead of taking that first thought captive...or second and so forth, I allowed those thoughts to reflect my God, instead of allowing my God to reflect against my thoughts.

Before long (not long I might add), my thoughts turned into fears. Suddenly, my fears reflected that God was not big enough to provide for my bills, my needs, my gas, etc.

I trust God! I really do. I trust Him for eternity. I trust Him for my health. I trust Him for direction. I trust Him. I do, I do, I do. I trust Him so much with my finances. I really trust Him...so much that...well, sometimes, I make things happen and...take things into my own hands...well...just in case He doesn't...um...provide.

Time and time again, God has totally provided for all my needs. When my kids were little, I ran out of diapers, had no money, so I prayed. By the next needed diaper change, I had a big bag of diapers dropped off on my front porch. Literally! No note and no idea who did it, but God does.

I've driven vehicles until they have literally fallen apart. I've driven to the mechanic's shop to have something repaired, and parts have busted into hundreds of pieces when they go to remove it. They always tell me, "There is no way this vehicle should have driven into this parking lot, let alone keep you going this long." When there's no money, there aren't many options, so I pray for God to keep me going until the money comes in.

I've driven on an empty gas tank for a good week, with a piece of paper over my "low fuel" light because I didn't have money for gas. I would pray for God to make it stretch and then cover the gas gauge, vowing not to weaken my faith by looking at it. When it finally did run out of gas, a lady came up to me, and asked I would be offended if she filled my gas tank.

My kids and I have prayed for food, just to have someone drop off food at our house within the day, including the little "snacky" things they like to eat. Sometimes I only tell God to see how He will provide. My friends and family get annoyed because I don't tell them when I need something: a disconnect notice, no food, low toilet paper, etc. But for me, it spoils the excitement of how God will provide. Some say I'm prideful (which sometimes I am), but most of the time, I just want to see the way that God will provide.

With all these wonderful and amazing ways God provides, you would think that I would totally, 100% trust God with my finances. Right? Well...when I allow my thoughts to wander, when I reflect on my worries, when I allow my thoughts to turn into fears, when I allow my fears to reflect the size of my God, well...I get in a tizzy about my finances.

It doesn't happen too much, but when it does, I feel like I have to find a way to provide for my needs, instead of waiting, taking matters into my own hands. I know when I am doing this, I am not trusting God. I know if I wait, God ALWAYS comes through! Yet, if my thoughts reflect on the doubts, and fears, this is where my mind goes.

I started to worry about food. I knew I couldn't even put food in my budget because my bills were so much this month. The only thing I could do was to trust God to provide, or take money from another bill to buy some food.

"Yes, I am totally going to trust God. I really am. He's provided before. But what if he doesn't? What will I make for meals? What do I tell my kids? I don't have much milk...or bread...or much fridge food. Oh, but I am going to trust God. I am. I am. I am...But...what if...but...what if...I run out...what if...yes, I have to go buy food myself. That's what I'll do. God might come too late. I'll make up that bill later...Sorry God, but I gotta' take care of myself."

There is something totally wrong with that scenario! Unfortunately, God hears similar conversations like that all the time. When our thoughts reflect fears, we can't trust.

Anyway, I went to the store, bought $40 of food and toilet paper, etc. I also bought a box of Kleenex's. I normally do not splurge on this item, but rather deal with a roll of toilet paper sitting on my counter to take care of the nose "drippies". (sorry! This story does have a point. I promise, I am almost done.)

Okay, so I chose a pretty mint green box. The color just stood out, and I thought it was pretty. I check out, go home, put my food away, and within the hour, I had a knock on my door. My precious friend was standing at the door with 4 or 5 bags of food, about the same amount of bags I c0me home from the store with.

Immediately, I felt...a repentance session coming on.

We talked. I shared my story with her about me not trusting. She left. I put groceries away. Had my talk with God, repenting for my lack of faith, and went to bed.

In the morning, I was just in awe. I noticed how I suddenly had duplicates of everything. The things she bought for my family were similar to the items I bought for myself only a couple hours before she showed up. God is good. God is still faithful. God still provides.

I looked on top of the fridge and there sat a mint green, pretty box of kleenex's; however they were not the ones I purchased.

It was the box my friend picked up for me...

I chuckled...

...and God spoke gently to me and said..."I even got the mint green, pretty ones you liked..."

I just love God, and today, I reflect once again on His goodness and faithfulness!

• "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." Psalm 23:6a
• "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

~Wiping my grateful tears with my mint green, pretty box of tissues~

Recapture

Recapture~ To capture again...recover by capture...retake...to bring back by remembering...seize...take hold of...obtain...

This sounds like an action word. One which requires movement...forceful...taking of...purposeful...involves strategy...not a passive activity...

What do you need to recapture in your life today? Is it joy of the Lord? Freedom from bondage or addiction? A grateful attitude? A childlike faith? A servant's heart? Smiles and laughter? Quietness? Stillness? Quality time with your family or with your children? Your position in Christ? Lost hope or dreams? A slender figure? Finances?

Whatever it may be, God doesn't expect you to do alone.

He does, however, expect us to do our part. We are God's warriors and we are strong in and because of Christ Jesus.

Do you ever realize how fighting for justice or getting your kids to obey is not always an easy process? It takes commitment, discipline, consistency, and persistence. The same is true of life.

Joel 3:9 Proclaim this among the nations: Prepare for war! Rouse the warriors! Let all the fighting men draw near and attack.

It is time to quit complaining and making excuses on why we are not doing the things God is asking us to do. It's time to recapture those things in your life that God has given you authority and power over. You are not helpless or weak, because HE is strong. You are not a prisoner of your situation because HE has redeemed you by the blood of the lamb. You are not a victim, but..."more than a conquerer."

Let's proclaim that we are children of God, we are going to stand, we are going to make a difference, and we are going to recapture those things in which the enemy has tried to steal from us!

~Recapturing my joy~

Re-evaluate

Lord, plant my feet on higher ground...

For 2009, help me to:

• Recapture the joy of You, Lord.
• Remember all You have done.
• Reflect on Your goodness and faithfulness.
• Reestablish my boundaries.
• Reclaim my position in Christ.
• Regain ground stolen from the enemy.
• Refrain from bitterness.
• Repent quickly when I sin.
• Renew my mind
• Regard others better than myself
• Resign from judging others.
• Reject wickedness.
• Remain in You.
• Return to my first love.
• Receive others.
• Reinvent my thought life.
• Refresh my prayer life.
• Resolve unsettled matters in my heart.
• Reconcile broken relationships where possible.
• Recount the blessings You've given.
• Reinvest my life into the Kingdom of God.
• Relinquish my rights, desires, & own will for my life.
• Represent the attitude of Christ in all I do.
• Reduce criticism of others & of myself.
• Rediscover who I am in Christ.

The prefix "re-" means "again." So Heavenly Father~ Please do it again! Do what You need to in each one of us, in order to bring us to a place of total harmony with You. Restore our relationships, our churches, our communities, and our nation. Lord, our nation will reap what it has sown, but Father, have mercy on Your people as we draw near to You. May we become explosive for the Kingdom of God. May hearts be softened and turn heavenward. Let revival come, and let it begin and remain in each one of us... In Jesus' precious name~ Amen