Be Still...

"Be still and know that I am God..."

Be still=be silent before the Lord...be quiet...don't move...don't panic...rest...relax...focus on One voice...Let your walls down...wait...be patient...just be...cry if you want...cleansing tears...calming tears...do not be afraid...feel His presence...breathe...let Him overwhelm you...don't speak...listen...and really hear...feel His heartbeat...and His gentle touch...relax in His arms...and just be...let your guard down...He's waiting...Your Heavenly Father is waiting...feel his embrace...see His tears...feel His peace...He loves you...He will guide you...He will restore your joy...and your peace...He is...and you are...

Know that I am God= quit trying to figure everything out...shut your mind off...no analyzing...no figuring it out...just acknowledge...just wait...His plans are better than yours...His love more amazing than you can imagine...His forgiveness unending...let Him out of the box...He can do anything He wants...however He wants...whenever He wants...He can fix anything...and anyone...but You have to Know...that He, and He alone, is God...What other options do you have...are they working for you...

Learning to "Be still..."

I'm Back!

O-kay, so months later, I finally return. It seems like an eternity since I have been able to type on my own keyboard, but it has definitely been worth it. As I stated in a recent post, I really have had more time with God and time to re-focus my thoughts.

There has been ups and downs, and sometimes even side-ways events going on, but it's all been about perspective. Some days are good and some days are bad, but God is always good, and always faithful.

I took down my Christmas tree today...it's a little bare in here...and a little empty...

Somewhere over the last week, I lost my perspective...lost my edge on life...(or should I say I have felt like I am walking on the edge). I allowed materialism to get the best of me. I allowed the "lack of" to consume me. I allowed the enemy to steal my joy and peace. I allowed my tree and decorations to define Christmas.

My intentions were good...well, they started out good. Everything was going to be Christ-centered and I was going to stay focused on Him while others got wore down by the "busyness" of this season. I was going to be grateful for ALL things, no matter what. I was going to enJOY family get-togethers, and Christmas services, and time spent "Spreading the Joy of the Lord"...

I was going to...but I let guard down, and got side-swiped...

As I took down my Christmas tree, my youngest son cried, "Now Christmas is over. Why can't it be longer???"

I was irritated...I thought, "Do you realize how chaotic it has been the past few days???"

I immediately was convicted, and realized I totally missed it this year. I had a big 'ol Christmas season without the birthday guest of honor: Jesus.

I allowed the "chore" of gift-giving to get in the way. I allowed my recent vehicle issues and lack of transportation to rip my joy away. I allowed people's "icky" attitudes to change my own. I allowed myself to be obligated to go to events because of "guilt trips". I couldn't wait to get everything "over with", so I could just "get on with my life"...

I read people's blogs, and they speak of "bringing Christ into their lives this season", and I totally slammed the door in His face. Whew! Nothing like a "real" blogger moment, huh? I often wonder why God made me so transparent:)

So...Father God, I repent of being so selfish and oblivious to the gift you have given me...the most important one of all: Your son, Jesus Christ. I became "busy" and "the noise of life" consumed me, leaving You out of the picture for the past week. I thank you that Your mercies are new every morning, and that I can call upon those mercies right now to begin again. I ask for a renewed heart and a right spirit within me, and that You would just wash away my selfishness and pride. You have blessed me soooo much, even during my whining and complaining, and yet, I was too focused on everything that was going wrong. I am so sorry Father!!! Thank You for loving me right where I am, the way I am, and even knowing I would hurt Your heart like I have. Lead me in the right direction, on the right path, and show me how to live Christmas everyday of the year, not just one day of the year. Help me to teach my children what your gift REALLY means, and that it's not about just December 25th of every year. Thank you for everything! Help me to pick myself up and live as the woman of God you have called me to be...

Living in total grace today...

Here for a blurb

Life update...

Snow, snow, snow...buried under snow. Shovel is already way too worn out and winter isn't even officially here yet. It took me an hour and a half to dig out my van this morning....ugh!!! The kids enjoyed a snow day and that hasn't happened for at least an entire school year, so they are feeling pretty blessed.

Ventured out for an hour's worth of work (one client), so although the pay may not have been worth the trip out, the character quality I am giving to my new job is that of committment. (I must add that this is not a born trait of mine, rather one God has been pushing me to learn over a lifetime). Hey, whether it is easy or hard to grasp, it's definitely a well-worth quality to acquire, so praise God, I just might finally be "getting it". Woo hoo!

Still no computer, but I guarantee plenty of reading material once I return. Yes, I have officially finished all of the pages of a journal since I have been off the computer. It's amazing how much you can learn when technology is taken away from your life. We not only have no computer currently, but we went through a period of about 3 weeks with no telephone as well. During that time, TV time was cut down as well. (May as well tackle everything at once, huh?). Wow, it's amazing how loud God speaks when there is no phone ringing, or TV blaring, or radio consuming the space around a person. Talk about amazing!

There has been struggles as well, but more than struggles, there has been victories! I keep hearing a speaker's words over and over in my head: Be grateful for anything that brings you to your knees, because it brings you closer to God. Isn't that the truth??? It's amazing the things in life that one can get through when they change their perspective and thoughts.

Blessings are pouring in as God's reminder that obedience does pay off. God does recompense us and repay us for all the many things He asks us to give up along the path of following Him. He also makes the enemy pay us back for everything he has stolen from us. Praise God! How can a person not expect "Spring" in the middle of Winter with thoughts and meditations like those!!!

So my thought until we meet again is: Just because it may physically be approaching the winter and cold season, does NOT mean that Spring can't arrive in your Spirit and in your heart. Expect flowers to bloom in your life as you are living the obedient life Christ Jesus has asked you to walk. Yes, the world may be in a financial crisis, but we are not of this world, as we are aliens and strangers in this foreign land. Our real home is in heaven, and our Daddy God has all the resources we possibly need in this life and the next. Take authority and ask heaven's blessings to invade earth on God's people. In the matchless name of Jesus Christ we declare!!! Fear cannot operate when faith is present!!!

Until visiting brother's house again, Heaven

Back for a moment

Hi, I am overwhelmed by the concerns of my bloggy friends, and very touched. Thank you all for caring.

Well, my computer is still down. Life is busy. Job is going great. Kids are still doing good. Thanksgiving is coming fast. Christmas is approaching even faster. House is VERY clean. Bible is getting very used with no computer:) Lots of time with God. Phone disconnected, but still have heat and lights. Being tweaked a lot, and growing spiritually. Heart is healing. Missing you all and my conversations with you. Amazed that I can care so much about people I've never met:)

Life is good. Time is out. Gotta' go...will write again soon:( Heaven

Conquerer

Well, with yesterday's post come and gone, I asked God, "Now where are we going with this blog?" I had debated posting that, yet I knew God directed me through it.

After some soul-searching today over that post, I knew I had to go back one more time. I had to re-visit the reminders of Freedom I had already experienced in this relationship. (**Note** I allowed myself to get depressed after I posted on my marriage).

So, here I sat sulking all day, STILL asking "Why?" Well, God had a remedy for me, as always, if I chose to utilize it, since everything has been all about 'choices' lately. He brought me out of my "victim" mode, and into my "Conquer/Princess Warrior" mode by having me read a few of my beginning posts.

I am not a victim. I am not even a survivor (one who just hangs on). I AM A CONQUERER! (I am a true believer that if I say something enough times, I will eventually believe it). But for now, I will simply put on the royal attire of a conquerer, and the feelings come whenever they come.

So.....yesterday I posted on the negative consequences of my choices, and today, I am taking you to a place where my choices brought release and freedom....

Freedom by Fire (part 1)

Freedom by Fire (part 2)

Freedom by Fire (part 3)

Be blessed today and know that God is good, ALL THE TIME! and ALL THE TIME, God is good!

~Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging words. I get so blessed when I know God is speaking to others through me. This is a wonderful journey we are on girls and...well...Greg:) LOL

Don't run ahead

My desire was to marry him

and be his wife forever... I read a post by Lysa TerKeurst on Thursday called, "Has God ever hurt your feelings?". It totally broke my heart as I related to every word she wrote. I really recommend clicking on the link and reading it. If you have ever felt that God has disappointed you or let you down, this post will help. But then come back:)

Basically, when something goes wrong in life or we see good people "suffer", we always seek to find the answer. "Why God, why?"

What do we do when we don't see answers to our prayers? or when God tells us something that will come to pass in our lives, and years later, it still hasn't happened? Have you ever ran ahead of God to make something happen sooner, only to find yourself

flat on your face from tripping?

Reminds me of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 15:1-16:16 (then named Abram and Sarai). God told Abraham that he and Sarah were going to have a son to be an heir to their estates. O-kay, Moses is like ancient in years (he was very old), and Sarah was past child bearing years, but Abraham

believed what God promised.

Time passed and...well...no baby.
Sarah really wanted a baby and I think she got tired of waiting around for God to come through. Well, she talked to Abraham and convinced him to sleep with her maidservant, Hagar, so they could have a baby. Hagar did get pregnant, but suddenly she despised Sarah. Go figure! Isn't it amazing the attitudes that

creep in when we go outside of God's will???

Sarah then told Abraham, "Do something! You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering." Whereas, Abraham told her, "Hey, she's your servant, do with her whatever you think is best." Sarah mistreated Hagar, and Hagar left, now a soon-to-be single mother.

The outcome of their impatience and sin was Ishmael, Hagar's son. God comforted Hagar, but told her that, "Ishmael will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility

toward all his brothers."

Ouch!!! Didn't they have verses back then to say, "Hey, WAIT for God." (They really could have used some post-it notes!)

The story did eventually turn out well for Sarah and Abraham; however, because of their impatience and their desire to do things "their" way, they struggled before they had a baby of their own. On top of that, because they ran ahead of God, their actions also affected the life of a woman named Hagar, her son Ishmael,

and eventually, birthed generations of rebellious people.

Without going in-depth, I ran ahead of God to marry, whom I believed was, the man of my dreams. We created 2 beautiful children, and that, I do not regret!!! Our oldest came in 1996, and our youngest came in 2000, but we did not marry until 2004. To keep things simple (because I will not speak badly of him here), our divorce should be final in a couple of months.

So, back to Lysa's post, which I strongly encourage you to read, I have been stuck on the "Why God???" for so long that my heart breaks. Lysa said instead of saying "why", to say

"O-kay, now what?"

See, I believe God holds my future in His hands and NOTHING touches my life without a purpose. So since God knows my future and also my past, then I need to trust Him with my present, and say, "O-kay God, where are we headed now? What do you have in store for the boys and I now?"

God sees...He knows...cares...loves...cries with us...comforts...and holds our dreams in His hands...

So, Lord, I give back this desire to be his wife, because if this isn't the plan for my future, then you have something greater. Please let me hear your voice clear, so that I will not run ahead of you

again, and hurt so many people by rushing into

something never meant to be.

In Jesus' name, ~Amen

(*Note: marriage is sacred, and I, by no means, am saying, "Go divorce your spouse." There are issues that I will not disclose because he, too, is a child of God and only God can judge Him. Divorce is something I would NOT wish upon ANYONE, especially with children. It goes back to choices and doing God's will, because your choices do not affect only you, no matter what you may think!)

Choose

I want to say...

my heart feels like this...

(flowers a friend got me yesterday)

...but today...

my heart feels like this...

(picture taken today of my back yard)

When a girl feels like this

what is she to do?

1 Chronicles 16:22 says,

"Sing to the Lord, all the earth;

proclaim His salvation day after day."

Psalm 21:22 says,

"I will declare your name

to my brothers (& sisters),

in the congregation

I will praise you."

Psalm 20:7 says,

"Some trust in chariots

and some in horses,

but we {I} will trust in the

name of the Lord."

Psalm 27:14 says,

{I will} "Wait for the Lord;

{I will} be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."


Psalm 31:14 says,

"But I trust in You, O Lord;

I say, 'You are my God.'"

Psalm 62:5 says,

"Find rest, o my soul,

in God alone;

my Hope comes from Him.

No matter what my heart feels like, I have the choice to turn my thoughts back to God or to lie in my pit of despair. If Jesus died so my joy can be complete and so that I can learn to be content in all situations, then I want to live in that. However, there are days we have to CHOOSE life and joy over despair.

God has pulled us out of the miry clay; therefore, it is our job not to jump back in. God will continue to pull us out, but what is fun about jumping back into the pit where we came from? I'm tired of allowing my circumstances to determine whether or not I have joy.

It seems like the more posts I put on this blog, the more things come against me. That's because not only does God know my destiny, but the enemy is beginning to figure it out as well.

Well, I've lived long enough as a victim of theft from the enemy, and today, I CHOOSE to rejoice because THIS IS THE DAY that the Lord has made. And in the Name and blood of Jesus Christ, I stand!

As a closing note, in the above verses, I highlighted some words. Those are "Choice" words. They are "action" words. They are "fighting" words!

Be blessed today and don't let the enemy steal your joy or your destiny!"

Love ya, Heav