O-kay, so months later, I finally return. It seems like an eternity since I have been able to type on my own keyboard, but it has definitely been worth it. As I stated in a recent post, I really have had more time with God and time to re-focus my thoughts.
There has been ups and downs, and sometimes even side-ways events going on, but it's all been about perspective. Some days are good and some days are bad, but God is always good, and always faithful.
I took down my Christmas tree today...it's a little bare in here...and a little empty...
Somewhere over the last week, I lost my perspective...lost my edge on life...(or should I say I have felt like I am walking on the edge). I allowed materialism to get the best of me. I allowed the "lack of" to consume me. I allowed the enemy to steal my joy and peace. I allowed my tree and decorations to define Christmas.
My intentions were good...well, they started out good. Everything was going to be Christ-centered and I was going to stay focused on Him while others got wore down by the "busyness" of this season. I was going to be grateful for ALL things, no matter what. I was going to enJOY family get-togethers, and Christmas services, and time spent "Spreading the Joy of the Lord"...
I was going to...but I let guard down, and got side-swiped...
As I took down my Christmas tree, my youngest son cried, "Now Christmas is over. Why can't it be longer???"
I was irritated...I thought, "Do you realize how chaotic it has been the past few days???"
I immediately was convicted, and realized I totally missed it this year. I had a big 'ol Christmas season without the birthday guest of honor: Jesus.
I allowed the "chore" of gift-giving to get in the way. I allowed my recent vehicle issues and lack of transportation to rip my joy away. I allowed people's "icky" attitudes to change my own. I allowed myself to be obligated to go to events because of "guilt trips". I couldn't wait to get everything "over with", so I could just "get on with my life"...
I read people's blogs, and they speak of "bringing Christ into their lives this season", and I totally slammed the door in His face. Whew! Nothing like a "real" blogger moment, huh? I often wonder why God made me so transparent:)
So...Father God, I repent of being so selfish and oblivious to the gift you have given me...the most important one of all: Your son, Jesus Christ. I became "busy" and "the noise of life" consumed me, leaving You out of the picture for the past week. I thank you that Your mercies are new every morning, and that I can call upon those mercies right now to begin again. I ask for a renewed heart and a right spirit within me, and that You would just wash away my selfishness and pride. You have blessed me soooo much, even during my whining and complaining, and yet, I was too focused on everything that was going wrong. I am so sorry Father!!! Thank You for loving me right where I am, the way I am, and even knowing I would hurt Your heart like I have. Lead me in the right direction, on the right path, and show me how to live Christmas everyday of the year, not just one day of the year. Help me to teach my children what your gift REALLY means, and that it's not about just December 25th of every year. Thank you for everything! Help me to pick myself up and live as the woman of God you have called me to be...
Living in total grace today...
December 28, 2008
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8 comments:
Figuring it out is half the battle. Sorry your Christmas wasn't as hoped, but every day can be Christ centered, and that is much better than just 1 day, don't you think?
Welcome back!
Hey, welcome back! It takes diligence to keep Christ at the center. The enemy knows what traps to lay, like a roaring lion he waits. He knows what buttons to push. I am reading a good book right now called "There's a Snake in my Garden" about how the enemy works. Planting little seeds of pride, anger, and discouragement. I am glad that you saw it for what it was. I am also personally glad that His mercies are new every morning. Can you imagine what it would feel like to have to start every day carrying the baggage from the previous ones? So glad we can go to Him for restoration (Psalm 51:12). Merry, merry Christmas to you. It's not too late to strengthen yourself for next year...
Well it's nice to have a little bit of Heaven back in the blogosphere! :)
It is very easy to get sucked into the baggage of doing a holiday rather than Celebrating the Birth. We have to battle it every where we turn, even at church sometimes.
This is the first time in several years that I put up a tree and decorated for Christmas. But I did it for Him. It was one of the ways I was preparing for the Christ child. I didn't do everything this season in perfect peace and harmony either. I don't believe anyone really did. Try to reflect on those things you did do as you started out that were for Him and don't let the enemy rob you of any more joy.
So glad to *see* you again! Did you get a new computer or get the old one fixed? What happened?
I agree it takes diligence to make Christ the center... our world isn't helping us do that -- but our Bible, prayer and good friends are. Your post was really powerful and your prayer wonderful.
Glad to see that you are back blogging Heaven. luv ya!
Welcome back and if I only knew you were reading my blog, I would have written a post just for you. I am making a note to myself on this issue and hope in the future to write well no matter who I think is reading. I am going to try to keep the Christmas feeling going all year and I think that will be my resolution.
I had planned on giving something special to Jesus on his Birthday but instead he gave something to me. On Christmas Eve, during the Church Service, I asked for something special and on Christmas morning, I got it. It wasn't anything material it was peace of mind and I got it in the form of a much needed phone call.
I think you speak for so many of us. Paul experienced the same issues - he said when he tried to do good, he didn't, that there were things he didn't want to do - knew he shouldn't do - but he did them anyway.
A beautiful, heartfelt posting. Thank you.
What you felt is perfectly natural and human - we are not super spiritual beings, even though we try to be ;)
What is important is you realised that your attitude wasn't doing your child any favours, and you repented of it. That's the difference.
Take care sister in Christ and I hope you have a peaceful and happy 2009 :)
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