My friend, Sami at Sailor & Company,created this blog theme, and I am joining her
with my own "Back to My First Love" post.
(& it's long too!)
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I have a desire to go back to my first love...a strong desire... I see Him and my heart melts... I hear him whisper and I know He loves me... I talk and know He's listening to every word I say... He adores me...but most of all, I adore Him... I seriously can't live without Him...nor would I want to. He snuggles with me as I fall asleep. He wipes my tears away before they even fall. The tears that do fall, He counts every one and saves them in a jar. He picks me up when I feel like I can't go on. He listens to me rant and rave...but then encourages me to come back to His Truth...His voice... His name is Jesus...
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Today I got the text...
"I'm getting remarried in a month."
WOW, o-kay...
"What now God???"
"Where do I go from here?"
"Um, Why did you have me believe for this again?"
For those of you who do not know my story, God has had me standing for reconciliation for my marriage to a man I divorced. God told me on the one-year anniversary of our divorce to begin standing for reconciliation.
I cried.
I prayed.
I argued with God.
I accepted.
And I finally told God,
"Yes, let Your Will be done."
Long story short...
Circumstances have said otherwise...
yet I believed.
Mountains stood firm...
yet I had faith.
Tears fell...
hope was lost...
I loved...
I believed...
BUT Jesus kept me strong!
He kept me believing!
He kept me praying!
He kept me declaring!
He kept me loving!
No matter what happened...
Jesus kept me!
"So what now???"
"Did I hear God wrong?"
"Did I miss something?"
"Was God simply playing with my emotions?"
"Did He lie to me?"
NO. NO. NO. NO.
As I sit here, writing, processing, and thinking...
I am quickly reminded...
that during this time...
GOD CHANGED ME!
JESUS KEPT ME!
THE HOLY SPIRIT TAUGHT ME!
I . AM. NOT. THE. SAME.
AS. I. WAS. BEFORE.
I. STARTED. THIS. JOURNEY!!!
My faith and prayer life has skyrocked through the roof! My Bible reading has become my life-line. The intimacy I have with my Heavenly Daddy is amazing. Jesus has become my friend and companion as I have told Him every feeling along the way. The Holy Spirit has become my comforter and my teacher.
Do I know the "why's"? No.
Do I know what the future holds? No.
Does it matter? Not really.
Why?
Because I have spent the last 2 months bathing in the presence of God, my Abba Father, my Daddy. By doing that, I have received a better understanding of His character.
God does NOT lie! (Numbers 23:19)
God DOES have a plan for my future! (Jer. 29:11)
I don't have to be anxious (Phil. 4:6)
He works out ALL things for good (Rom. 8:28)
God chose ME! (Eph. 1:11)
I may leak some tears.
I may get angry.
I may get sad...
But in the end...
I still win!
God wins!
I may not be his wife...
But I will be someone's wife...
For God has been molding
me into that wife...
one day at a time.
I can CHOOSE to despair
or CHOOSE to trust!
I can CHOOSE to be bitter
or CHOOSE to forgive!
I CHOOSE the "higher" way...
I CHOOSE God's way!
I CHOOSE TO RELEASE!
I CHOOSE TO BLESS!
I CHOOSE TO MOVE ON!
I obeyed...
So...
"What now God?"
"Come back to me...
Your first love..."
Love, Jesus
Today I got the text...
"I'm getting remarried in a month."
WOW, o-kay...
"What now God???"
"Where do I go from here?"
"Um, Why did you have me believe for this again?"
For those of you who do not know my story, God has had me standing for reconciliation for my marriage to a man I divorced. God told me on the one-year anniversary of our divorce to begin standing for reconciliation.
I cried.
I prayed.
I argued with God.
I accepted.
And I finally told God,
"Yes, let Your Will be done."
Long story short...
Circumstances have said otherwise...
yet I believed.
Mountains stood firm...
yet I had faith.
Tears fell...
hope was lost...
I loved...
I believed...
BUT Jesus kept me strong!
He kept me believing!
He kept me praying!
He kept me declaring!
He kept me loving!
No matter what happened...
Jesus kept me!
"So what now???"
"Did I hear God wrong?"
"Did I miss something?"
"Was God simply playing with my emotions?"
"Did He lie to me?"
NO. NO. NO. NO.
As I sit here, writing, processing, and thinking...
I am quickly reminded...
that during this time...
GOD CHANGED ME!
JESUS KEPT ME!
THE HOLY SPIRIT TAUGHT ME!
I . AM. NOT. THE. SAME.
AS. I. WAS. BEFORE.
I. STARTED. THIS. JOURNEY!!!
My faith and prayer life has skyrocked through the roof! My Bible reading has become my life-line. The intimacy I have with my Heavenly Daddy is amazing. Jesus has become my friend and companion as I have told Him every feeling along the way. The Holy Spirit has become my comforter and my teacher.
Do I know the "why's"? No.
Do I know what the future holds? No.
Does it matter? Not really.
Why?
Because I have spent the last 2 months bathing in the presence of God, my Abba Father, my Daddy. By doing that, I have received a better understanding of His character.
God does NOT lie! (Numbers 23:19)
God DOES have a plan for my future! (Jer. 29:11)
I don't have to be anxious (Phil. 4:6)
He works out ALL things for good (Rom. 8:28)
God chose ME! (Eph. 1:11)
I may leak some tears.
I may get angry.
I may get sad...
But in the end...
I still win!
God wins!
I may not be his wife...
But I will be someone's wife...
For God has been molding
me into that wife...
one day at a time.
I can CHOOSE to despair
or CHOOSE to trust!
I can CHOOSE to be bitter
or CHOOSE to forgive!
I CHOOSE the "higher" way...
I CHOOSE God's way!
I CHOOSE TO RELEASE!
I CHOOSE TO BLESS!
I CHOOSE TO MOVE ON!
I obeyed...
So...
"What now God?"
"Come back to me...
Your first love..."
Love, Jesus
9 comments:
Good morning Heaven,
I'm up early this morning and I thought I'd stop by to say Hello my sister.
I wish I could share something insightfully prophetic but I believe you've shared what's in your heart, so I'll just agree that God does truely love you Heaven.
Keep walking by faith and be blessed.
MTJ
I can't imagine the struggle and pain you've had to suffer. But praise the Lord for bringing you back to Him! For drawing you nearer to Him. He loves you dearly. And everything that has happened in your life- in all our lives is for a reason. It's part of God's plan.
I admire your strength to keep going- and for continuing to see the good in the situation, all the while sharing your story with us. You have incredible faith & your words are so encouraging.
blessings-
Another incredible post. I am so sorry that I haven't been good at catching up on blog reading. I can see that I have missed so much...more than I wish I had. :(
You are so right about God being with you and there for you at ALL TIMES!! He is so AMAZING, isn't He?! I just love that you have drawn even closer to Him during this time in your life. I know it has been tough and there have been days where you feel like 'giving up' and just wanting to 'let go.' However, you've read His word. You know His will will be made clear to you at just the right time. And you BELIEVE in HIM and all that He will bring to your life.
Heaven, you are such a STRONG and GODLY woman and I just admire that more than you'll ever know. Such a blessing to those of us whose lives you've touched. :)
Thank you for YOU!
Oh my Heaven. I had chills!
Such a great post! You're an encouragement even when things don't look like they might turn out the way you'd believed. Yet, God is faithful (I often must remind myself) and His ways and His thoughts are FAR above our own (of which I also must continually remind myself). He knows just how to draw us closer to Him and He is working on that with me too.
Stay strong-eating from the banquet table, in the presence of your enemies. Feed on his love and peace, you will rise up stronger that you ever imagined...don't let go! x
Heaven, you're such an inspiration to me. You are so strong. I know it is His grace that keeps you strong in the same way but it inspires me how You have been through so much, but you have chosen ,instead of growing bitter, to grow more deeply rooted in Him. Thanks for reminding all of us what it means to truly be a disciple! Keep in the same spirit; delight yourself in the Lord...and He will give you the desires of your heart, right?
God bless Heaven.
Khaddafina. : )
WOW!!!
Love you girl.
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