Trophies, pride, healing, and success...

Dictionary.com defines "Trophy" as a memento of success, a memorial to a victory, a monument from an enemy's defeat.

I personally do not have any physical trophies. I never conquered golf or karate or volleyball or drama (well, drama is to yet to be decided!), or any other sports or accomplishments. 


Trophies make people feel accomplished, almost special, set apart from other people. I guess that's why people polish their trophies and put them in obvious places so that others see them; therefore, leading them to good conversations about the memories surrounding their moment of victory.

About a year ago, God showed me I had a trophy room and I visited it often, (like almost daily) depending on who I was talking to or what I was writing for. I was shocked at the newsflash of my trophy room! God could definitely see my house, and I did NOT have a room full of trophies! 

But...God showed me I had a heart full of trophies.

"Excuse me?!?!?" 

How could that be! I mean people knew my life! It had not been pretty at all! The abuse. The men. The drinking. The drugs. The junk. I couldn't possibly have a trophy room in my heart! I mean really! 

People knew I used to be an addict. Was angry. Abusive. That is totally nothing to be proud of! 

Except...that I clearly was NOT that person anymore! I had come a long ways! I had survived many obstacles! In fact, it's a miracle I even survived all that! It's a miracle my body was able to have children! It's a miracle I could even function after such a horrible childhood, full of abusers and alcoholics and "innocence stealers"!

In fact, it was pretty amazing I could even share such a horrible testimony of brokenness, because clearly, I was a survivor and an overcomer, and because I followed God, and because I did x,y,z, I definitely survived!  I couldn't possibly have a trophy room! 

Dictionary.com defines "Trophy" as a memento of success, a memorial to a victory, a monument from an enemy's defeat.

I built a memorial in my heart of every single victory I overcame, every obstacle that I had walked through. Every painful memory had been rehearsed and refined throughout the years. I knew the stories by heart. Every detail. Every person involved. I knew what the looks on people's faces would look like as I described every detail. They definitely thought I was an overcomer...a surviver...a miracle...a strong woman.

After I realized my heart had trophies, I repented to God. I prayed that He would fix it, and help me destroy the mental trophy room that had become my idol and my encouragement when I felt like a nobody. 


Sometimes we "trophy" the wrong things. It's totally o-kay to be proud of an accomplishment, but be careful it doesn't become an idol or a trophy.

Shadows...

Shadows are all around us.

Some shadows are dark...

lurking in the corners...

intermingled with cobwebs.

(picture from the web)

Some shadows dance on the ground...

as the sun plays peek-a-boo...

through the trees.

This shadow is a reflection

from the pendant on my wind chime.

The shadow is much more beautiful 

than the pendant itself.

As I look at the beautiful shadow

glistening on the door,

I'm struck by the thought

that we, as Christians,

have much in common 

with this shadow.

 

You and I...

we're plain and simple...

...yet when we allow Jesus to shine through us, we are illuminated into something much more beautiful. 

It doesn't matter if we don't "measure up" in the natural; it only matters that we allow Jesus to work in and through us, so that HE can cast HIS beauty upon the world around us.  

I really don't think it's even about letting our own light shine...but about letting HIS LIGHT shine through us!

Just BE...

 the 

unique

 YOU 

God 

has 

made 

you 

to 

be!

Beauty and Perspective...

I love "beauty"...

I love watching flowers bloom...

Little buds spreading their petals...

Totally enclosed...

until they come to life...

I love the sun...

the way it shines through the trees...

casting shadows of perfection on the earth below...

I love the warmth on my face...

as the wind gently blows...

Even when it's overcast and grey...

I see the beauty...

Lately, that is...

I think I'm in love with the sun...

and the clouds...

I love pictures that capture a well trodden path...

The path that is worn from many footprints...

from those who have gone before me...

I love imagining the journey of those people...

with their dirty and dusty sandals...

who paved the path beneath my own feet.

I love to find the beauty...

in the things others may not see...

the hidden tree branches that have fallen...

the rotted old tree that still stands tall...

The greenery that managed to find its place...

among the broken cement and brick...

Some say it should not be there...

Yet I say, 

"Good job! You managed to thrive!"

It beat the odds.

Made its own path...

decided not to follow the crowd... 

 And then...

there's 

THIS 

kind 

of 

beauty!!!

Wow!

Breathtaking!

Amazing!

Yet I wonder...

do people see it?

Or is it just me?

It's so complex...

and profound...

one-of-a-kind...

unique...

a masterpiece, I say.

I see potential...

I see beauty...

I see hope...

I see life...

I see inspiration...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beauty is all around us.

Each one of us.

Every day.

In every place.

It's in perspective.

It's in the view.

Your trial is beautiful...

not because of how it looks today...

but because of what God can do with it...

tomorrow...

and the next day...

and next year...

and many years after that.

Your weakness is beautiful...

not because of how it looks today...

but because God can make it your strength...

one day...

if you let Him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's all about perspective...

It's all about the view...

Persevere...

For so long, I felt like this.

Growing, but stuck.

Entangled.

My path felt like this.

Rocky.

Unstable.

Unsecured.

The path to freedom seemed...

always unattainable.

Just out of reach.

So close...

but yet still so far away.

I still had hope...

because I still had Jesus...

But the light of freedom

seemed so far way.

At times, the path would clear.

The sun became brighter.

Freedom seemed possible.

Hope was more evident.

But then I would get stuck again.

Entangled more.

It was getting harder to get free.

BUT I KEPT TRYING!

I KEPT SEEKING JESUS!

I KEPT CRYING OUT FOR FREEDOM!

FOR MORE!

My view got brighter.

My vision cleared.

Life seemed a little sideways.

BUT life was better.

Brighter.

More hopeful.

I kept pressing in.

I kept pressing through.

I had to.

I could taste freedom.

I could smell freedom.

I wanted to touch freedom!

 The path has not been easy.

Nor has it been fast.

But Jesus is the leader.

I'm just diligently following.

Life is good.

Resistance is still there.

Jesus is bigger.

All the time!!! 

Say "Yes" to God!

Where HE wants to take you...

is better than where you are...

and it's beautiful...

and full of hope...

and peace...

and joy... 

It's good!

~Heavenly Father, I pray for those who seek freedom. Freedom from the past. Freedom from the chains. Freedom from addictions. Freedom from themselves.  Freedom from the lies that have kept them entangled and stuck. 

In the name of Jesus, I curse the spirit of rejection, despair, depression, lack, and destruction off of each one of them, and command those spirits to go.  I pray that You would fill them up with peace, hope, joy, and love today. Your love Jesus! Your comfort! Your amazing grace! Thank you Jesus. In Jesus name, Amen~

ALL victories are tested!!!

All victories are tested...


One of my Pastors has been telling me that for a few weeks now. I didn't understand what it meant until yesterday.


I am free! I have been healed! My life has totally changed in the past few months! Set 100% free! Anxiety and depression GONE! High Blood pressure GONE! Weight loss happening! Weariness GONE! Broken heart HEALED! Guilt and Shame GONE! Sexual addiction GONE!


I was on a "high" for the month of May! I was unstoppable! I was confident! I was praying for people left and right! I was contagious! I was happy! I was victorious!


June came... and so did the tests!


Worry came. Anxiety came. Temptations came. Issues came. Illness came. 


"What is going on???" I would cry out.


At first, I was super strong and full of faith, but when illness didn't go away immediately or "bad news" didn't immediately turn to good news...my soul grew weary.


I kept declaring GOD IS GOOD! GOD IS FAITHFUL! I AM FREE! I STILL CHOOSE TO BELIEVE!


But my body was getting weary from being sick. My heart was growing faint from unanswered prayers. Temptations would creep up and I began to wonder if I really was free. Depression tried to come upon me again. I began to look at the circumstances in the natural and began to sink... quickly!


BUT I CHOSE to believe that WHOM THE SON SET FREE IS FREE INDEED!


I CHOSE to claim the promises of God!


I CHOSE to turn away from worry, strife, anxiety, and sin.


"HEAVEN, ALL VICTORIES ARE TESTED!!!"


Every time I text my Pastor with another circumstance, he would respond with the above words, along with the encouragement that God IS FIGHTING for me and my family!


Needless, to say, God and I conquered a week of hell and uncertainty! During those times of trials, I did not understand what my Pastor was saying. But he continued (along with other friends!) to assure me that the circumstances were simply smoke screens to try to get my focus off of God and back onto worrisome, depressed thoughts.


Yesterday, I realized what he meant----> "ALL victories are tested!"


My healing and my freedom were tested in those trials. I found out that God was still faithful. I was still free. God was, and continues to be, in control. God was STILL holding my world in the palm of His hands........no matter what the circumstances said!!!


My victories WERE tested...and they stood the test!!!


Thank you Jesus!!!

Spoiled "manna", worry, & fear

Do you ever look at your circumstances and even though your needs for today have been met...you soon begin to doubt that your needs for tomorrow will be taken care of too???


In Exodus 16, God not only gave the Israelites miraculous "manna" & provisions, but also where God gave them instructions for gathering and receiving it.  

God's instructions as written in Exodus 16:4-5

4 Then the LORD said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions. 5 On the sixth day they are to prepare what they bring in, and that is to be twice as much as they gather on the other days.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

 Simple enough, right? Go get manna for each day, except on the 6th day, get enough manna for two days.  


So this foreign substance miraculously begins to form on the ground (verses 14-15), and the people questioned each other, saying, "What is it?" 


Moses explained it was the bread God had given them to eat and explained how much they were to gather. In verse 19, Moses said to them, "No one is to keep any of it until morning."


Needless to say, some people kept some of their manna until morning, only to find it spoiled and filled with maggots. (vs. 20) 

-----------------------------------------------------

Can you relate? At all? Or are you the one who totally, 100% trusts God to do EVERYTHING He says He will do. Can you take God at His word? Do your own doubts and fears resemble those of the Israelites who kept some manna for the following day? Do you ever wonder "how, and why, and when God???"


Yesterday, I shared how God provided toilet paper for me through my friend. He ALWAYS provides for me like that and remains SO faithful to me. Yet this morning, I found myself wondering where my next pack of toilet paper will come from when this runs out. 


REALLY?!?!?! Hello Heaven! It's no wonder I lose my joy so quickly! The more I study this journey of the Israelites, the more I see myself in the words on the pages of Exodus.  I used to laugh and deny I could EVER be as...ahem...SO ungrateful!...as the Israelites were!  Now I'm beginning to see more and more why I am on this journey in my own wilderness!  I pray I will NOT spend 40 years here though because I would be totally ancient by then!!!


Anyway........(babble, babble, babble...)


Oh Jesus, help me!  I'm gently reminded of Matthew 6:25-27

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?

God IS SO trustworthy! I KNOW this! I've SEEN this! I've LIVED this! God is SO faithful! God IS my Provider! He NEVER leaves me without what I NEED!


So Heavenly Father, I pray the words from the boy's father in Mark 9:24, 

"I DO believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

It's IN the presence of God that our fears and worries will lessen. It's IN the act of worshiping and praising God, that our focus is shifted from looking outward and inward...to upward...where it belongs :)

Toilet Paper, "manna", & other provisions

Manna as defined by Dictionary.com: the food miraculously supplied to the Israelites in the wilderness. (Exodus 16:14-36)


If you read Exodus 16, you will get the full version of this amazing story of a God who provided manna and quail for His people.  For the sake of time, I am going to give you my paraphrased version and relate it to my life and my journey.


God did amazing things, even performed miracle after miracle, from the time they left Egypt. God helped them win battle after battle. They journeyed. They got tired. They started complaining. They were forgetting the promises of God. They couldn't see beyond the circumstances in front of them. All they could see was their misery and their struggle. I'm sure they just wanted their Promised Land...yet it seemed no closer than when they left Egypt. They murmured. They doubted their leaders, their promises, and their God.


"Oh God, why didn't you just let us die in Egypt? It has to be better than this!!!"


Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever had to fight for something that, after awhile, really didn't seem worth it. It seemed too hard. Too tiring. Too many tears. Too much pain. Too...too...too...


I live from paycheck to paycheck. I started my business in September and to be honest, I spend more money on my website every month than I even bring in sales. I know God wants to use my art and other talents and SOMEHOW have them be part of my business, but I don't have the "go" yet from God. I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly around and around and around, going no where really quick, with little to no direction.  


I believe God is the one who gave me the ideas, but He also has to give me the business mind, the resources, the right connections, because in the natural, I have NO CLUE what I am doing.


I'm getting weary. Along with everything else going on in my life, I can easily get overwhelmed with the details, and usually "shut down" because I don't know what else to do.  


I KNOW God has a plan far BIGGER and GREATER than I can EVER imagine or dream, but I don't know what it is! I don't know how to get there! All I know is to keep doing what it is I'm doing and pray I won't miss the connections He wants me to make...waiting for His timing to see His promises fulfilled for my life.


I am living on daily manna. Literally. Well, not like "Israelite manna", but "daily provision manna". I step where God wants me to step. I move when God wants me to move. I "be still" when God tells me to be still.  Most of my time is spent in preparation: physically, spiritually, and emotionally...and right now, God says, "This is where I want you."


Ugh! I want to be soaring! Going forward! Moving! But God says, "Be still my Child...be still."


I fight the urge to grumble and complain. Not because I'm unhappy where I am at. I just feel like I 'SHOULD" be doing something...more...significant...with...my...life.


This morning, I looked at my toilet paper roll stash and realized I only had two rolls left. Not only that, but I am running out of dishsoap and guinea pig food. 


"Really!?!? Is this really the story of my life? For real? Do I have to do this EVERY month? My son's birthday is next week and...blah.blah.blah!"


Complain. Grumble. Murmur.


"Oh, those Israelites! If only they would have just "gotten" it, they wouldn't have stayed in the wilderness for 40 YEARS! I would have learned not to grumble and complain so much!!!"


Um...yeah...maybe I would have!?!?


Yikes!


I allowed my worries to swallow me up for a little bit this morning, but finally decided I could do nothing but trust God to provide. 


I praised instead. I "won" back my day because I chose not to worry about something I could do nothing about at the moment.


"O-kay God, I will be still..."


And I was. And it felt good.


Fast forward much later...


5:00p.m.--My friend shows up at the door with toilet paper for me. It was on sale. She was thinking of me. 


Uh yes! That's the God I serve!


The "wilderness" can get tiring at times. But God hasn't left us out here alone! Just keep doing what He's asking you to do and trust Him to do what He said He will do!!!  Be on the alert for complaining murmuring coming from your own heart and keep your eyes open for the miracles and manna from heaven.


Most of all, keep your focus on God! He really hasn't dumped you "out here" to rot. He's taking you on your personal journey that only you and He can go on...to prepare you for what is yet to come!


He is good...all the time!