Back for a moment

Hi, I am overwhelmed by the concerns of my bloggy friends, and very touched. Thank you all for caring.

Well, my computer is still down. Life is busy. Job is going great. Kids are still doing good. Thanksgiving is coming fast. Christmas is approaching even faster. House is VERY clean. Bible is getting very used with no computer:) Lots of time with God. Phone disconnected, but still have heat and lights. Being tweaked a lot, and growing spiritually. Heart is healing. Missing you all and my conversations with you. Amazed that I can care so much about people I've never met:)

Life is good. Time is out. Gotta' go...will write again soon:( Heaven

Conquerer

Well, with yesterday's post come and gone, I asked God, "Now where are we going with this blog?" I had debated posting that, yet I knew God directed me through it.

After some soul-searching today over that post, I knew I had to go back one more time. I had to re-visit the reminders of Freedom I had already experienced in this relationship. (**Note** I allowed myself to get depressed after I posted on my marriage).

So, here I sat sulking all day, STILL asking "Why?" Well, God had a remedy for me, as always, if I chose to utilize it, since everything has been all about 'choices' lately. He brought me out of my "victim" mode, and into my "Conquer/Princess Warrior" mode by having me read a few of my beginning posts.

I am not a victim. I am not even a survivor (one who just hangs on). I AM A CONQUERER! (I am a true believer that if I say something enough times, I will eventually believe it). But for now, I will simply put on the royal attire of a conquerer, and the feelings come whenever they come.

So.....yesterday I posted on the negative consequences of my choices, and today, I am taking you to a place where my choices brought release and freedom....

Freedom by Fire (part 1)

Freedom by Fire (part 2)

Freedom by Fire (part 3)

Be blessed today and know that God is good, ALL THE TIME! and ALL THE TIME, God is good!

~Thank you all for your wonderful and encouraging words. I get so blessed when I know God is speaking to others through me. This is a wonderful journey we are on girls and...well...Greg:) LOL

Don't run ahead

My desire was to marry him

and be his wife forever... I read a post by Lysa TerKeurst on Thursday called, "Has God ever hurt your feelings?". It totally broke my heart as I related to every word she wrote. I really recommend clicking on the link and reading it. If you have ever felt that God has disappointed you or let you down, this post will help. But then come back:)

Basically, when something goes wrong in life or we see good people "suffer", we always seek to find the answer. "Why God, why?"

What do we do when we don't see answers to our prayers? or when God tells us something that will come to pass in our lives, and years later, it still hasn't happened? Have you ever ran ahead of God to make something happen sooner, only to find yourself

flat on your face from tripping?

Reminds me of Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 15:1-16:16 (then named Abram and Sarai). God told Abraham that he and Sarah were going to have a son to be an heir to their estates. O-kay, Moses is like ancient in years (he was very old), and Sarah was past child bearing years, but Abraham

believed what God promised.

Time passed and...well...no baby.
Sarah really wanted a baby and I think she got tired of waiting around for God to come through. Well, she talked to Abraham and convinced him to sleep with her maidservant, Hagar, so they could have a baby. Hagar did get pregnant, but suddenly she despised Sarah. Go figure! Isn't it amazing the attitudes that

creep in when we go outside of God's will???

Sarah then told Abraham, "Do something! You are responsible for the wrong I am suffering." Whereas, Abraham told her, "Hey, she's your servant, do with her whatever you think is best." Sarah mistreated Hagar, and Hagar left, now a soon-to-be single mother.

The outcome of their impatience and sin was Ishmael, Hagar's son. God comforted Hagar, but told her that, "Ishmael will be a wild donkey of a man; his hand will be against everyone and everyone's hand against him, and he will live in hostility

toward all his brothers."

Ouch!!! Didn't they have verses back then to say, "Hey, WAIT for God." (They really could have used some post-it notes!)

The story did eventually turn out well for Sarah and Abraham; however, because of their impatience and their desire to do things "their" way, they struggled before they had a baby of their own. On top of that, because they ran ahead of God, their actions also affected the life of a woman named Hagar, her son Ishmael,

and eventually, birthed generations of rebellious people.

Without going in-depth, I ran ahead of God to marry, whom I believed was, the man of my dreams. We created 2 beautiful children, and that, I do not regret!!! Our oldest came in 1996, and our youngest came in 2000, but we did not marry until 2004. To keep things simple (because I will not speak badly of him here), our divorce should be final in a couple of months.

So, back to Lysa's post, which I strongly encourage you to read, I have been stuck on the "Why God???" for so long that my heart breaks. Lysa said instead of saying "why", to say

"O-kay, now what?"

See, I believe God holds my future in His hands and NOTHING touches my life without a purpose. So since God knows my future and also my past, then I need to trust Him with my present, and say, "O-kay God, where are we headed now? What do you have in store for the boys and I now?"

God sees...He knows...cares...loves...cries with us...comforts...and holds our dreams in His hands...

So, Lord, I give back this desire to be his wife, because if this isn't the plan for my future, then you have something greater. Please let me hear your voice clear, so that I will not run ahead of you

again, and hurt so many people by rushing into

something never meant to be.

In Jesus' name, ~Amen

(*Note: marriage is sacred, and I, by no means, am saying, "Go divorce your spouse." There are issues that I will not disclose because he, too, is a child of God and only God can judge Him. Divorce is something I would NOT wish upon ANYONE, especially with children. It goes back to choices and doing God's will, because your choices do not affect only you, no matter what you may think!)

Choose

I want to say...

my heart feels like this...

(flowers a friend got me yesterday)

...but today...

my heart feels like this...

(picture taken today of my back yard)

When a girl feels like this

what is she to do?

1 Chronicles 16:22 says,

"Sing to the Lord, all the earth;

proclaim His salvation day after day."

Psalm 21:22 says,

"I will declare your name

to my brothers (& sisters),

in the congregation

I will praise you."

Psalm 20:7 says,

"Some trust in chariots

and some in horses,

but we {I} will trust in the

name of the Lord."

Psalm 27:14 says,

{I will} "Wait for the Lord;

{I will} be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord."


Psalm 31:14 says,

"But I trust in You, O Lord;

I say, 'You are my God.'"

Psalm 62:5 says,

"Find rest, o my soul,

in God alone;

my Hope comes from Him.

No matter what my heart feels like, I have the choice to turn my thoughts back to God or to lie in my pit of despair. If Jesus died so my joy can be complete and so that I can learn to be content in all situations, then I want to live in that. However, there are days we have to CHOOSE life and joy over despair.

God has pulled us out of the miry clay; therefore, it is our job not to jump back in. God will continue to pull us out, but what is fun about jumping back into the pit where we came from? I'm tired of allowing my circumstances to determine whether or not I have joy.

It seems like the more posts I put on this blog, the more things come against me. That's because not only does God know my destiny, but the enemy is beginning to figure it out as well.

Well, I've lived long enough as a victim of theft from the enemy, and today, I CHOOSE to rejoice because THIS IS THE DAY that the Lord has made. And in the Name and blood of Jesus Christ, I stand!

As a closing note, in the above verses, I highlighted some words. Those are "Choice" words. They are "action" words. They are "fighting" words!

Be blessed today and don't let the enemy steal your joy or your destiny!"

Love ya, Heav

Post-it notes

This is a picture taken last year of my boys playing a prank on their mom. I LOVE post-it notes!

They are so easy to stick somewhere and since I have a short memory thing going on, it helps me keep track of what's going on in my life.

Appt. at 10:00...get milk...God will provide...Don't forget to pick up boys from school today...call mom...coffee is ready, just turn on...Garbage day is today...Grounded from PS2...Take your medicine...Don't forget library books...Take a shower today...

I also use them to help my kids remember as well, although they keep insisting they don't need reminding. Even though they don't "need" them, they complain when I haven't left them a note.

I'm not sure when I started this, but everyone has grown accustomed to my little notes around the house. In my bathroom, I have notes on my mirror of "Who I am in Christ" and across from where we sit in that particular room, I have verses and declarations on the wall to speak while waiting to be done in that room:)

On my cupboards, I have verses and reminders for myself as well. As I go out the front door, I have a "declaration for my home" prayer which reminds me that this is God's home and I have authority in Christ Jesus to keep it God's home. Going down the hall to my youngest son's room, I have 4 or 5 verses on fear for him to look at when he is afraid. Those verses are also for me when I worry about the things going on in my boys' lives and feel out of control.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9 says: "Love the Lord your God with ALL your heart and with ALL your soul and with ALL your strength. These commandments that I give to you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down, and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on your doorframes of your houses and on your gates."

I think Moses knew the importance of constant reminders and meditating on God's commandments and His love. We are quick to forget what God has done for us, and need to impress the love of God into our hearts. As a child, we don't have to be trained to disobey, but we do have to be trained to be obedient. What do you need God to impress on your heart today that will lead you one step closer to becoming all that God wants you to be?

*I think Moses would love post-it notes:) Well, actually pen and paper as well.

~Walking through God's grace, Heaven

FREEDOM!!!

First, I have to start out by saying, "WOO HOO! I got the job!!!" Praise God! I go in tomorrow to fill out papers, etc.

O-kay, now that I got that out...I have had this song running through my head all day, so I'm going to go with the flow. The song is called "Freedom", words by Matt Bushard. I'm not totally sure who sings it, but it is way COOL, and emphasizes what God has been speaking to me about (Standing in the authority of Jesus Christ and taking back what the enemy has stolen)

FREEDOM

I cry freedom from the chains

that bind our children.

Freedom from the chains

that bind our praises.

Freedom from the lies

of the enemy, freedom..

This is verse 1 of this song, and it's the part I love the most.

Galations 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."

I once tore that verse down word by word, and it was amazing what God showed me through that. In my Bible, next to the word "burdened", I wrote "entangled". Oh, doesn't that sound like a word associated with webs and spiders (yesterday's post)? It is no accident that God brought me back to this verse today.

I recently shared with my new friend, Paulette, that I know I have been set free and delivered of many things in my life; however, I wasn't quite sure how to walk in that freedom. The visual picture I used was a bird who has been caged for so long, and now the door is open. There is total freedom for the bird to fly out of its cage, yet fear keeps the bird away from the open entrance, and keeps it from fulfilling its purpose.

How many of us fear flying out of the "comfortable" cage which we have been accustomed to. Whether you once flew and ended up with broken wings, or never got the chance to fly at all because you were caged and locked up, it's time to fly and leave the cage behind!

It is for freedom that Christ set us FREE!!! Christ died on the cross so we could declare "FREEDOM from the chains that bind our children, FREEDOM from the chains that bind our praises, FREEDOM from the lies of the enemy, FREEDOM!!!"

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed!" John 8:36

Do not let the enemy steal your God-given purpose and destiny! Jesus has SET YOU FREE! Embrace that freedom and step into the royal position God has called you to. Declare, in the name of Jesus, FREEDOM.

Yes, you will have to fight for it; however, we already have read the last chapter of the Book, and we know that we know that we know GOD WINS THE WAR!

Spiders

I have a confession to make. Ready? O-kay.

I cannot STAND spiders. I mean really and totally ewwwww! Ewwww again. At the sight of those spiney creatures, my whole body gets tingly and I get shivers down my spine.

As much as they drive me nuts, I have to smooooosh them. [Sorry for those spider lovers or the people who believe in 'catch-n-release']. If I do not go after them, I will freak out for the rest of the day, feeling like they are crawling all over me.

Unfortunately...my boys don't like spiders either (wonder where they could have got that from???)

My 8-year old is petrified of them to the point that the fear paralyzes him. If he sees a spider, he is on 'anxiety mountain' for the rest of the day.

About 6 months ago, I was soooooooo tired of his reaction over a simple spider, so I prayed out of frustration, "Lord, PLEASE let me find all spiders before he does, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!!"

PRAISE REPORT: I found EVERY spider before Dylan had a chance to find it!!! Isn't God wonderful?

Ummm...one problem...I...umm...am...afraid of spiders too...

So, what is a mom to do? Oh, the agony over this simple decision.

1. Do I suck it up, quickly and quietly get rid of the spider before he sees it, or...
   
2. Do I scream, "Ahhhhh! Spider! Run for the hills. Somebody kill it. Don't let it get me!" or...
   
3. Ignore it and hope I don't run into it later.
   

Three options, two afraid people, and one spider...

I prayed, God answered, therefore, I don't think option #2 would be good.

I could ignore it, but it could multiply, get lost, and I would run into again sometime, PLUS all its babies. So option #3 isn't for me either.

Ding! Ding! Ding! The winner is option #1: face up to my own fear to protect my child, and smoooosh the spider as bravely (and as quietly) as I can.

That is what I have done, tackle one spider at a time, all for the sake of love. The wonderful thing is that it's not as scary as the first time, and I am overcoming my fear as well.

When I see a spider, I keep my eyes on it (to make sure it doesn't run away) until I have something in my hand to 'smoooosh' it. I strategically plan my attack so that I know I will not miss it.

"SMOOOOOSH"...Gone until the next one.

I have been seeing 'spider webs' not only in my house, but also in the fruit of my family. Areas of my life and my children's life where the enemy has taken ground, and negatives have come forth as a result.

As I write about this simple spider story, God is correlating it with the negatives residing in this household, and in the lives of my children: fear, anxiety, rebellion, low self-worth, etc.

I have wiped the 'webs' away through discipline or correction, yet haven't gotten rid of the 'spider' who continuously weaved them.

God is speaking that it is time to stop ignoring this 'spider', and start strategically praying it out of the foundation of their lives, one prayer at a time.

So, spiders beware! I'm on the loose, and ready to 'smooooosh'!!!