March 2, 2010

Are you sad???

"Come to me,
all you who are
weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest"

Matthew 11:28


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Do you ever get discouraged? I do...

Do you ever feel sad? I do...

Do you ever feel like "giving up?" I do...

Do you ever just want to sleep your life away? I do...

Do you ever lose your focus? I do.

Do you get tired of waiting for God to answer? I do.

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I used to "go" there and STAY there for long periods of time to the point that I really couldn't function. I couldn't be the mom my kids needed. I couldn't keep my house clean. I couldn't face people outside my home. I would isolate myself from the outside world; not answering the phone, not reaching out to people, etc.

All I could do was sleep...

...everyday...

...for days....

...and sometimes...

...weeks...

Even a year 1/2 ago, That is how I survived!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every once in awhile, I resort back to that mode of survival. This m0rning, I woke up, and felt that old aching pulling at my soul...driving me back to bed with my head buried under the covers. I lay there for awhile, staring at the clock, and rehearsing doubt in my mind...over and over...until I dozed off to "dream-land".

Before I did, however, Isaiah 35 came to my mind. Not knowing that passage off the top of my head, I grabbed the Bible sitting next to my bed, and looked it up. God spoke to my heart as He drew me to similar verses that I found in a different chapter earlier this morning...

Although I still CHOSE to succumb to a morning of despair and isolation under my covers, God still CHOSE to "show up" and speak life and hope to my heart! He sought me out...knowing I would still choose to sleep...and CHOSE to encourage me anyway!

I woke a couple hours later to my heart jumping out of my chest with the sound of the phone. I sat up...tried to collect my thoughts...and attempted to decipher the dream I woke up from...(all while ignoring the phone! Sorry Mr. Eye Dr. for not answering my phone! Thank you for letting me know my contacts were in.)

I got up, went for my coffee...still trying to process what was going through my mind. I started going through my phone to see my missed calls/texts, when suddenly, it hit me....

"I've been played!!!"


I allowed circumstances to dictate an outcome! I allowed despair to rule in my heart! I allowed myself to lose focus by focusing on that which I see instead of that which I cannot see! I allowed life to steal my joy....(and my morning!) AGAIN!!!

At this point, I was feeling MORE discouraged because I "gave in" to old behaviors and patterns. As my soul was being dragged down farther, I remembered this...


"Hey, I don't HAVE to stay here!!!"


Well, that's easy to say, but that requires work on my part. Pretending to be happy and thankful until I feel that way. Choosing to speak positively. Blah, blah, blah...

I sat down with my Bible, and re-evaluated Isaiah 35, which God gave me before I fell asleep. Ha! I looked back at my journal and the other verses He gave me earlier. Ha! I began to get excited. (Not much...but enough to decide to stay awake and out of bed!)

I kept looking and I prayed these verses back to God. Ha! My heart was feeling hope again. I put on some worship music even though I really didn't feel like it. Ha! Something lifted. I felt a little better. I re-read my journal and promises that God HAS given me. Ha! I was getting re-energized again!

I started declaring things as if they already were in existence! WOW! I was really feeling good! I started praying and praising God for what I have and for what He's already done! WooHoo! I was feeling great!

I started singing to the worship music that played (that I really didn't want to put on in the first place!) and my soul soared in the presence of God. He was filling my heart with HIS hope and joy and faith!

Within 1/2 hour, I WAS EXCITED...AND HOPEFUL...AND RENEWED...AND READY AGAIN FOR THIS THING CALLED LIFE...

ALL because I CHOSE to turn to God, instead of my feelings & circumstances. Now, nothing has changed in my circumstances, except I KNOW THAT I KNOW THAT I KNOW that God is working! He is working in ways that I can't even imagine or comprehend! THAT excites me!

Put on the garment of praise
(especially when you
don't FEEL like it!)
for the spirit of heaviness!!!

Isaiah 61:3
and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.

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