"I'm good, thanks." (But really, I'm not!)

"Hey, I'm at the store and I'm wondering what you need," my friend's voice declares confidently on the other end of the phone.


"I'm good, thanks. I appreciate you asking! That was so sweet of you." (This tends to be a "pat" answer for me...you know...because if I did need something, I seldom would let anyone know.)


"Um...I asked you what you needed." She firmly stated.

------------------------------------------------

This is my friend, "L", who ALWAYS calls at the PERFECT moment with the simple question, "What's up?"

Now this could be just a general "how are ya?" question, but with "L", that question comes with the interpretation (implied, yet unspoken) : "God placed you on my heart just now. What's going on? How can I pray for you?"

This is also my friend, "L", who provided my "Mint green box of tissues" I wrote about HERE.

This is also my friend, "L", who shows up at my door, at the exact time that I'm praying about a need I have, with the needed item.

--------------------------------------------

As I heard her question me the second time, my mind began to replay the scenario of my quiet time with God earlier this week.

"God, these are the items I know I will run out of before I get paid again. I do not know what to do. I have no more money coming in & these are my essentials. Please provide." I wrote the list down in my prayer journal, and I continued on with my day knowing He would provide.

From the time she asked me what I needed until the time I answered her was probably only a few seconds, but it seemed like forever as I began to talk to myself and to God. I felt a "God conversation" coming on:

"You asked ME to provide, right?"

"Yes Lord, but why do I have to tell her? That's so embarrassing! Why can't you just tell "L" what I need? I dislike being 'needy'".

"Because, dear child. I'm teaching you a new thing."

"O-kay. Fine."

------------------------------------------

"I could use some toilet paper." I shyly sputtered out the words.

"O-kay, sounds good. I'll drop it off later," She said.

"Thank you SO much "L". You're an answer to my prayer!"

------------------------------------------

I LOVE being the one that can bless someone else! I LOVE being the "giver"!

I struggle with "NEEDING"! Ugh! I just want to give, give, give!

------------------------------------------

I think back to the other people who have recently asked what they can do for me. I get sad because I have been too prideful to tell them I'm in need. I have been doing so well financially over the past year and I feel like I'm stepping backward by asking for help. I have stole the blessing from them because they just wanted to bless me. It makes me sad because I get sad when I don't know how to bless someone else.

Sigh.

Thank you Jesus for another teaching moment.

I could not bring myself to ask for anything else on my "list". I was prideful. I was ashamed. I felt "less than". I felt "needy" and that's not a comfortable place for me to be.

Sigh.

When someone asks you what you need, they want to bless you. They want to truly reach out and help. Allow them to be there for you. Don't steal their blessing from them. Whether it's a meal, or an offer to babysit, or tangible items, or an offer to help clean your house, or even if you need prayer.

God is faithful to provide!

Blessings friends!

21 years ago...

...my father took his last breath...

in a hospital bed...

After hanging on...

silently...

day after day...

for 7 days...

in a coma...
-----------------------------------------------------

DAY 1- DAY 3

The doctors said:--->

He's brain dead.
Wait!

He's not brain dead.
Never mind.
I guess he's brain dead after all.
He's not breathing on his own.
He will never wake up.
He could be in a coma for years.
He will be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
"I recommend you pull the plug."

"Heaven, (15yo girl), what do YOU want?"
(I want my dad to jump up & hug me & talk to me!!!)

"...um...I don't know."

Life support disconnected.

-------------------------------------------

"It should only be a few hours now."
-------------------------------------------

Waiting.
Pacing.
Crying.
Waiting...

------------------------------------------
4 DAYS LATER...

"Maybe we should put a feeding tube in!"
"He's breathing on his own."
"There is still brain activity."
"He's hanging on."
"He's a fighter."
"I can't believe he's still here!"
"The probabilities are high!"
"He should have died."
"He can come out of this."
"Let's give it another shot!"

RECOMMENDATION...
Short Surgery time to put a feeding tube in.
(My aunt & I joyfully go eat lunch)

---------------------------------------------
INTERCOM:
(20 minutes later)

"Would the family of Jerry Moorhouse please
return to the patient's room?"
---------------------------------------------

"Wow! That was really quick!"

--------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry"
"He's gone."

"It's almost as if he waited until
no one was around...
and then gave up."

----------------------------------------------

21 YEARS AGO, My dad shot himself.
21 YEARS LATER, his 5 adult children still mourn.

-----------------------------------------------
We remember this day each year...

and still wonder...

what life would've been like if...

• He could have seen us each graduate.
• He could have "given away" his 3 daughters on their wedding days.
• He could have met his youngest son's wife.
• He could have met his oldest son's fiance.
• He could have met his grandchildren.

--------------------------------------------------

Suicide is never the answer.
Ever...

21 years is a LONG time...

To
leave
your
children
behind
to
long
for
just
one
more
word,
one
more
hug,
ONE
MORE...

"I love you."

Striving much???

Do you struggle with striving?

Catch up with me on my new blog post about this subject.

CLICK HERE TO BE REDIRECTED.

February musings

I am amazed by the amount of time that has gone by since I used to be a "regular blogger". So much has happened since I last posted. It's incredible.

I do not have internet access anymore at home and for whatever reason, I can't even post from my cell phone anymore, so thus the reason for my absence.

I am actually attending a Graham Cooke conference this weekend in Arden Hills, MN. If you have never heard of him, I HIGHLY recommend listening to some of his teachings. He speaks of identity, God's favor, and love for us. We have one more session tonight to attend, and then we head back home tomorrow afternoon. I cannot write (or process) fast enough as God is downloading His heart for me into my spirit this weekend. I have been given new eyes to see this weekend and I'm excited to take them for a "drive" for the rest of my life.

I love being amazed by my Daddy God! I love how He intentionally puts the pieces of my life together!!! I love getting to know more of His heart! I am even beginning to love it when He shows me an area of my life HE wants to improve. I am NOT where I want to be but exactly where God wants me to be. I know, I know, it's hard to comprehend that God has us exactly where we are for a purpose. After this weekend, I am convinced that I AM EXACTLY where God wants me to be, because He sees me as Perfect because of Jesus IN me!!! I'm not going to argue that one because before this weekend, I was convinced that I was anywhere EXCEPT where I was supposed to be.

I figured there was a destination I had to reach. I thought I wasn't good enough yet for God. I assumed that God would love me more if I could only reach "that place" (wherever that place is!!!) where He wanted me to be. THAT is such a lie from the enemy! I don't have enough time or space to expand on that. I just love the revelation that I have received this weekend.

Revelation? I mean "REVELATIONSSSSSSS". New eyes to see. New ears to hear. The deafness and the blindness are falling off of me.

Already, my time is through on here. :( I have been writing! Alot! Some of it on Facebook for others to see, but most of it in my journal and my future book-to-be. God willing, I should be back on a regular basis in a couple months, and I can share more, but for now, I pray that you will get new eyes to see and new ears to hear everything that God wants you to see and hear. If you want to connect on a more personal basis, feel free to connect with me on Facebook.

Blessings! Heaven

Praise

Praise defeats the enemy. ALL the time. EVERYtime!

Peace, be still...

I choose to trust in the One who gave His life for me. I choose to stand on

Oh ye of little faith...

I have spent the last week with my stomach in knots and my teeth gritted. My faith weakened as I allowed fear to grip my heart. The Dr. took a piece of my bone to biopsy one week ago. He gave me the name of a disorder he was pretty certain I had, and told me that it would require another surgery. I had to wait until today to get the results back... It was a veeeeerrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy long week!

I was pretty confident last Monday...

By Saturday evening, I was falling apart!

I was afraid. I felt alone. I had dreams of the doctor telling me I had cancer. I allowed my thoughts to wander to the worst case scenarios. I was angry. I was uptight. Blah, blah, blah.

I finally quit talking to people because I was irritated that I had to retell the story over and over about what was going on. I did NOT want to tell one.more.person.one.more.detail...

Needless to say...

I wasted a week worrying...

and fretting...

over nothing!!!

The results came back this morning, and praise God!!! NOTHING more needs to be done! I do have some mouth thing going on, (with a realllllyyyy long technical name) but unless it decides to grow, I will not need any treatment or surgery. I will have a re-check in 6 months, and after that, once a year.

On the drive home from the clinic, the verse "oh ye of little faith" came to mind. I was afraid of the results. I was afraid that I would sink and not be able to stand. I was afraid that the storm would overtake my comfy little boat and crumble with the waves...

Most of all, I was afraid that Jesus was not big enough to get me through whatever the unknown held. I said I trusted, but when it came down to it, I allowed fear to take over.

Very sobering...

BUT VERY GRATEFUL God came through

despite my lack of faith!

"O ye of little faith"...arise & trust me!!!