I have spent the last week with my stomach in knots and my teeth gritted. My faith weakened as I allowed fear to grip my heart. The Dr. took a piece of my bone to biopsy one week ago. He gave me the name of a disorder he was pretty certain I had, and told me that it would require another surgery. I had to wait until today to get the results back... It was a veeeeerrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy long week!
I was pretty confident last Monday...
By Saturday evening, I was falling apart!
I was afraid. I felt alone. I had dreams of the doctor telling me I had cancer. I allowed my thoughts to wander to the worst case scenarios. I was angry. I was uptight. Blah, blah, blah.
I finally quit talking to people because I was irritated that I had to retell the story over and over about what was going on. I did NOT want to tell one.more.person.one.more.detail...
Needless to say...
I wasted a week worrying...
and fretting...
over nothing!!!
The results came back this morning, and praise God!!! NOTHING more needs to be done! I do have some mouth thing going on, (with a realllllyyyy long technical name) but unless it decides to grow, I will not need any treatment or surgery. I will have a re-check in 6 months, and after that, once a year.
On the drive home from the clinic, the verse "oh ye of little faith" came to mind. I was afraid of the results. I was afraid that I would sink and not be able to stand. I was afraid that the storm would overtake my comfy little boat and crumble with the waves...
Most of all, I was afraid that Jesus was not big enough to get me through whatever the unknown held. I said I trusted, but when it came down to it, I allowed fear to take over.
Very sobering...
BUT VERY GRATEFUL God came through
despite my lack of faith!
"O ye of little faith"...arise & trust me!!!
2 comments:
you're human, Heaven. God surely understands the terror the word "cancer" strikes in our hearts. He remembers our frames, that we are just dust and tenderly helps us in spite of our selves. He is a wonderful, compassionate Abba.
Thanking God with you that it was not cancer!
God is good!! Thank you for sharing your fears, anxiety and worry over your results. I, too have been dealing with fear and worrying if I have made the right decisions in life yet you remind me to look UP to Him to guide my path!! I am learning a lot about TRUST right now. I am praying for you Heaven and I am rejoicing with you over God's sovereign hand in our lives.
Much love,
Ronel
Post a Comment