DONE/ Emotionally "spent"

UPDATE: Decided to update this post... For most of my readers, you may have no clue about this blog scam I have encountered. Praise God!!! For those of you who travel here from way of another blog (from my posted comments), read on.

I reached out in love to a woman after her "blog scam" became unveiled. Through conversations (email, IM, phone calls, text), I developed a friendship with her. At one point I became pegged as her "mentor". On a blog I disagreed with, I spoke up for this woman using my real ID and name, and boy, oh boy! THAT was a mistake. Suddenly some of my blog followers were being left anonymous comments that I wasn't a good "blog friend" to have, my name and integrity was ridiculed, I received some nasty e-mails, and so forth.

Ah...sigh...I vowed I would error on the side of love and grace instead of hate and bitterness. I figured at least if I got hurt through "sticking up for her", then at least it would be justified because I was loving in Christ! Worse come to worse, I would get emotionally hurt. That was an ok price to pay for being loving. That is simply life sometimes.

Time went on, and the saga got bigger and just out-of-control. There were more lies, more "stories" all the way around, and I became quickly overwhelmed. EVeryone was convincing in why their evidence was the truth! Seriously, my "truth-meter" was overloaded, and yesterday was my breaking point. I sobbed uncontrollably as I told another party "I was done". I'm not sure what possessed me to get involved in the first place, but I did. Through a very emotional day, I e-mailed everyone involved and simply told them I was done! kinda' funny now, but that's all I could say over and over is: "I am done". I don't want to be involved anymore.

I won't take back my actions of loving and believing. I would take back my actions of being overly involved and divulging information, because I went against my word. I am not sure I would have commented under my real identity (lol) and I am not sure I would have gotten invested.

But here's the thing: This is the internet people! Scams happen! Tragedy happens! Some people are real and some are not! People get "duped", some people even twice or three times. We seriously HAVE to seek God on what is truth and what is not!

I believe God asked me to be an "advocate" for this woman, and that's why I don't regret contacting her and befriending her. Did I get hurt? YES. Does that mean I doubt all of humanity? NO. Does that mean I am careful next time? YES. But it doesn't mean I put icicles around my heart and shut everyone out (which is what I have done recently)

So do I believe God can use EVERY circumstance in this thing? YES. Did I make a few poor choices? YES. Do I regret it? NO. Such is life:)

I am guilty of loving too much and trying to be on "both sides".

I am without internet currently, so my visits here will be sporatic. To those who have e-mailed me, I appreciate you. I am o-kay, it's all o-kay, I will be back, and I will be back stronger:)

God's timing is perfect and therefore, this is a perfect time for me to bow out of the game....with ALL parties involved. I have no more information to offer, no more "secrets to tell", no more explanations, no more condolances. If I don't contact you back, please don't be offended:) When I do have a chance to get on-line, it's for a very short time. Be back soon:)

ORIGINAL POST:
I have encountered an unfortunate situation on the internet and I am taking a break from my blog. I am really pretty naive about the internet, and about loving people, and I tend to get wrapped up in my bloggy friend's stories and lives.

My greatest strength is that when I decide to love people, I love people with everything in me; my greatest weakness is that I love people with everything in me... The compassionate person gives more than what she has (whether physically or emotionally), and that has been the case for many years in my life. I'm emotionally "spent". I have an "in real life" I have been neglecting in order to deal with this on-line situation, and I seriously need to get back to it.

I have a situation in my "real life" this week that is going to be huge for my family, that has nothing to do with any of this, so please keep the boys and I in extra prayers:) Thanks! I will try to stop by and check out your blogs when I can. For those who are regulars here, you are the BEST!!! I am disabling comments, but feel free to e-mail me at heavsparks@yahoo.com if you need to.