The "Holy" list

Somewhere in my finite mind, I have made mental rules "lists" of what it means to be a "good" Christian. Despite "knowing better", I frequently line up my flaws and compare them to this "list" to determine if I am still on God's "nice" Holy list or if I have crossed over to the "bad" "wretched am I" list. 

Now, I understand that you may SuPeR "spiritual" and may be thinking, 

"Heaven, that's silly! That's not how God is. The Bible says....x, y, & z."

I totally understand! 

It does sound VERY silly!

If I heard someone else saying such a thing, I would assure them THAT is NOT what the Bible says, and that is NOT how God views them. One of my biggest passions is that people know the truth about who they are in Christ! One of my biggest flaws is that I know who I am in Christ until I "mess up", sin, or make a mistake. THEN, I'm all about excluding myself from the race because I don't "measure" up. I don't "qualify" for the grace of God, because....ooooohhhhhh, my sin is toooooooo big! 

"I know better than to sin!" (my biggest chastisement to myself)

Most of us KNOW right from wrong. If not, we learn very quickly, whether through natural consequences or by being convicted of the wrong we do.

So......

Back

to

the 

"list"...

 Immediately Upon "sin"/mistake, I dig out "the" list from my mind. 

It goes something like this:

- "good" Christians serve God at all costs.

- "good" Christians don't "do" depression.

-"good" Christians do not make "big" mistakes.

-You need to punish yourself (suffer) in order to be forgiven.

-Your sin is not covered until grace because you purposely sinned.

-Don't repent & move on or you are "abusing" God's grace.

-Other Christians don't do THAT kinda' stuff.

-Can you say FAILURE!!!

-You "blew it" again. God's grace is running out!

-"good" Christians don't make the same mistakes over and over.

-Your sin is bigger than God's grace.

-"good" Christians would have it "together" by now.

Now, you may or may not have a similar list that you survey to determine if you are in "God's good graces". Look at my list. Is that list pointing back to Jesus or is it pointing towards my sin/actions/behavior? Is it filled with love and grace or is it full of condemnation and shame?

Check out this "list":

-You are forgiven.

-I remember your sins no more.

-My grace is sufficient for you.

-You are made in my image.

-Press on toward the goal.

-I ordained every one of your days before they came to be.

-I know you inside and out.

-I don't keep a record of your wrongdoings.

-When you are weak, I am strong.

-I love you.

What "list" are you living by?

Which "list" is embedded in your mind and your heart?

~Holy Spirit, I pray that you would open our eyes to see the glorious inheritance we have because we are sons and daughters of the Most High King. I pray that you would reveal the incorrect "lists" we have been living by. I pray that you would pour out YOUR Truth of who each person is in Christ...not just when we are acting "good", but all the time. I pray for Your Spirit to rise within each person reading this. Draw them into the Truth. Draw me more into Your Truth. Let the lies be revealed and a renewing of the Truth be instilled deep within each person. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Writing again...

It has been quite awhile since I have publicly written for I have been privately living. Much has crossed my mind and my life since my last entry months ago. Although I have written over 400 posts on this blog, I'm beginning over with this post. I'm not sure what the focus of my writing will be...

I just want to write again.

Sometimes, in one's life, focus is lost. Life gets distorted. Forgetting one's purpose can also disappear.

I write. I encourage through my writing. I love to write. I love to encourage.

I do not claim to be perfect at it. Grammar is not my strength. Expressing my emotions is. Sharing my stories and my experiences, to encourage another, is.

So, here I go again...

Trophies, pride, healing, and success...

Dictionary.com defines "Trophy" as a memento of success, a memorial to a victory, a monument from an enemy's defeat.

I personally do not have any physical trophies. I never conquered golf or karate or volleyball or drama (well, drama is to yet to be decided!), or any other sports or accomplishments. 


Trophies make people feel accomplished, almost special, set apart from other people. I guess that's why people polish their trophies and put them in obvious places so that others see them; therefore, leading them to good conversations about the memories surrounding their moment of victory.

About a year ago, God showed me I had a trophy room and I visited it often, (like almost daily) depending on who I was talking to or what I was writing for. I was shocked at the newsflash of my trophy room! God could definitely see my house, and I did NOT have a room full of trophies! 

But...God showed me I had a heart full of trophies.

"Excuse me?!?!?" 

How could that be! I mean people knew my life! It had not been pretty at all! The abuse. The men. The drinking. The drugs. The junk. I couldn't possibly have a trophy room in my heart! I mean really! 

People knew I used to be an addict. Was angry. Abusive. That is totally nothing to be proud of! 

Except...that I clearly was NOT that person anymore! I had come a long ways! I had survived many obstacles! In fact, it's a miracle I even survived all that! It's a miracle my body was able to have children! It's a miracle I could even function after such a horrible childhood, full of abusers and alcoholics and "innocence stealers"!

In fact, it was pretty amazing I could even share such a horrible testimony of brokenness, because clearly, I was a survivor and an overcomer, and because I followed God, and because I did x,y,z, I definitely survived!  I couldn't possibly have a trophy room! 

Dictionary.com defines "Trophy" as a memento of success, a memorial to a victory, a monument from an enemy's defeat.

I built a memorial in my heart of every single victory I overcame, every obstacle that I had walked through. Every painful memory had been rehearsed and refined throughout the years. I knew the stories by heart. Every detail. Every person involved. I knew what the looks on people's faces would look like as I described every detail. They definitely thought I was an overcomer...a surviver...a miracle...a strong woman.

After I realized my heart had trophies, I repented to God. I prayed that He would fix it, and help me destroy the mental trophy room that had become my idol and my encouragement when I felt like a nobody. 


Sometimes we "trophy" the wrong things. It's totally o-kay to be proud of an accomplishment, but be careful it doesn't become an idol or a trophy.

Shadows...

Shadows are all around us.

Some shadows are dark...

lurking in the corners...

intermingled with cobwebs.

(picture from the web)

Some shadows dance on the ground...

as the sun plays peek-a-boo...

through the trees.

This shadow is a reflection

from the pendant on my wind chime.

The shadow is much more beautiful 

than the pendant itself.

As I look at the beautiful shadow

glistening on the door,

I'm struck by the thought

that we, as Christians,

have much in common 

with this shadow.

 

You and I...

we're plain and simple...

...yet when we allow Jesus to shine through us, we are illuminated into something much more beautiful. 

It doesn't matter if we don't "measure up" in the natural; it only matters that we allow Jesus to work in and through us, so that HE can cast HIS beauty upon the world around us.  

I really don't think it's even about letting our own light shine...but about letting HIS LIGHT shine through us!

Just BE...

 the 

unique

 YOU 

God 

has 

made 

you 

to 

be!

Beauty and Perspective...

I love "beauty"...

I love watching flowers bloom...

Little buds spreading their petals...

Totally enclosed...

until they come to life...

I love the sun...

the way it shines through the trees...

casting shadows of perfection on the earth below...

I love the warmth on my face...

as the wind gently blows...

Even when it's overcast and grey...

I see the beauty...

Lately, that is...

I think I'm in love with the sun...

and the clouds...

I love pictures that capture a well trodden path...

The path that is worn from many footprints...

from those who have gone before me...

I love imagining the journey of those people...

with their dirty and dusty sandals...

who paved the path beneath my own feet.

I love to find the beauty...

in the things others may not see...

the hidden tree branches that have fallen...

the rotted old tree that still stands tall...

The greenery that managed to find its place...

among the broken cement and brick...

Some say it should not be there...

Yet I say, 

"Good job! You managed to thrive!"

It beat the odds.

Made its own path...

decided not to follow the crowd... 

 And then...

there's 

THIS 

kind 

of 

beauty!!!

Wow!

Breathtaking!

Amazing!

Yet I wonder...

do people see it?

Or is it just me?

It's so complex...

and profound...

one-of-a-kind...

unique...

a masterpiece, I say.

I see potential...

I see beauty...

I see hope...

I see life...

I see inspiration...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beauty is all around us.

Each one of us.

Every day.

In every place.

It's in perspective.

It's in the view.

Your trial is beautiful...

not because of how it looks today...

but because of what God can do with it...

tomorrow...

and the next day...

and next year...

and many years after that.

Your weakness is beautiful...

not because of how it looks today...

but because God can make it your strength...

one day...

if you let Him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's all about perspective...

It's all about the view...

Persevere...

For so long, I felt like this.

Growing, but stuck.

Entangled.

My path felt like this.

Rocky.

Unstable.

Unsecured.

The path to freedom seemed...

always unattainable.

Just out of reach.

So close...

but yet still so far away.

I still had hope...

because I still had Jesus...

But the light of freedom

seemed so far way.

At times, the path would clear.

The sun became brighter.

Freedom seemed possible.

Hope was more evident.

But then I would get stuck again.

Entangled more.

It was getting harder to get free.

BUT I KEPT TRYING!

I KEPT SEEKING JESUS!

I KEPT CRYING OUT FOR FREEDOM!

FOR MORE!

My view got brighter.

My vision cleared.

Life seemed a little sideways.

BUT life was better.

Brighter.

More hopeful.

I kept pressing in.

I kept pressing through.

I had to.

I could taste freedom.

I could smell freedom.

I wanted to touch freedom!

 The path has not been easy.

Nor has it been fast.

But Jesus is the leader.

I'm just diligently following.

Life is good.

Resistance is still there.

Jesus is bigger.

All the time!!! 

Say "Yes" to God!

Where HE wants to take you...

is better than where you are...

and it's beautiful...

and full of hope...

and peace...

and joy... 

It's good!

~Heavenly Father, I pray for those who seek freedom. Freedom from the past. Freedom from the chains. Freedom from addictions. Freedom from themselves.  Freedom from the lies that have kept them entangled and stuck. 

In the name of Jesus, I curse the spirit of rejection, despair, depression, lack, and destruction off of each one of them, and command those spirits to go.  I pray that You would fill them up with peace, hope, joy, and love today. Your love Jesus! Your comfort! Your amazing grace! Thank you Jesus. In Jesus name, Amen~

ALL victories are tested!!!

All victories are tested...


One of my Pastors has been telling me that for a few weeks now. I didn't understand what it meant until yesterday.


I am free! I have been healed! My life has totally changed in the past few months! Set 100% free! Anxiety and depression GONE! High Blood pressure GONE! Weight loss happening! Weariness GONE! Broken heart HEALED! Guilt and Shame GONE! Sexual addiction GONE!


I was on a "high" for the month of May! I was unstoppable! I was confident! I was praying for people left and right! I was contagious! I was happy! I was victorious!


June came... and so did the tests!


Worry came. Anxiety came. Temptations came. Issues came. Illness came. 


"What is going on???" I would cry out.


At first, I was super strong and full of faith, but when illness didn't go away immediately or "bad news" didn't immediately turn to good news...my soul grew weary.


I kept declaring GOD IS GOOD! GOD IS FAITHFUL! I AM FREE! I STILL CHOOSE TO BELIEVE!


But my body was getting weary from being sick. My heart was growing faint from unanswered prayers. Temptations would creep up and I began to wonder if I really was free. Depression tried to come upon me again. I began to look at the circumstances in the natural and began to sink... quickly!


BUT I CHOSE to believe that WHOM THE SON SET FREE IS FREE INDEED!


I CHOSE to claim the promises of God!


I CHOSE to turn away from worry, strife, anxiety, and sin.


"HEAVEN, ALL VICTORIES ARE TESTED!!!"


Every time I text my Pastor with another circumstance, he would respond with the above words, along with the encouragement that God IS FIGHTING for me and my family!


Needless, to say, God and I conquered a week of hell and uncertainty! During those times of trials, I did not understand what my Pastor was saying. But he continued (along with other friends!) to assure me that the circumstances were simply smoke screens to try to get my focus off of God and back onto worrisome, depressed thoughts.


Yesterday, I realized what he meant----> "ALL victories are tested!"


My healing and my freedom were tested in those trials. I found out that God was still faithful. I was still free. God was, and continues to be, in control. God was STILL holding my world in the palm of His hands........no matter what the circumstances said!!!


My victories WERE tested...and they stood the test!!!


Thank you Jesus!!!