21 years ago...

...my father took his last breath...

in a hospital bed...

After hanging on...

silently...

day after day...

for 7 days...

in a coma...
-----------------------------------------------------

DAY 1- DAY 3

The doctors said:--->

He's brain dead.
Wait!

He's not brain dead.
Never mind.
I guess he's brain dead after all.
He's not breathing on his own.
He will never wake up.
He could be in a coma for years.
He will be a vegetable for the rest of his life.
"I recommend you pull the plug."

"Heaven, (15yo girl), what do YOU want?"
(I want my dad to jump up & hug me & talk to me!!!)

"...um...I don't know."

Life support disconnected.

-------------------------------------------

"It should only be a few hours now."
-------------------------------------------

Waiting.
Pacing.
Crying.
Waiting...

------------------------------------------
4 DAYS LATER...

"Maybe we should put a feeding tube in!"
"He's breathing on his own."
"There is still brain activity."
"He's hanging on."
"He's a fighter."
"I can't believe he's still here!"
"The probabilities are high!"
"He should have died."
"He can come out of this."
"Let's give it another shot!"

RECOMMENDATION...
Short Surgery time to put a feeding tube in.
(My aunt & I joyfully go eat lunch)

---------------------------------------------
INTERCOM:
(20 minutes later)

"Would the family of Jerry Moorhouse please
return to the patient's room?"
---------------------------------------------

"Wow! That was really quick!"

--------------------------------------------

"I'm sorry"
"He's gone."

"It's almost as if he waited until
no one was around...
and then gave up."

----------------------------------------------

21 YEARS AGO, My dad shot himself.
21 YEARS LATER, his 5 adult children still mourn.

-----------------------------------------------
We remember this day each year...

and still wonder...

what life would've been like if...

• He could have seen us each graduate.
• He could have "given away" his 3 daughters on their wedding days.
• He could have met his youngest son's wife.
• He could have met his oldest son's fiance.
• He could have met his grandchildren.

--------------------------------------------------

Suicide is never the answer.
Ever...

21 years is a LONG time...

To
leave
your
children
behind
to
long
for
just
one
more
word,
one
more
hug,
ONE
MORE...

"I love you."

Striving much???

Do you struggle with striving?

Catch up with me on my new blog post about this subject.

CLICK HERE TO BE REDIRECTED.

February musings

I am amazed by the amount of time that has gone by since I used to be a "regular blogger". So much has happened since I last posted. It's incredible.

I do not have internet access anymore at home and for whatever reason, I can't even post from my cell phone anymore, so thus the reason for my absence.

I am actually attending a Graham Cooke conference this weekend in Arden Hills, MN. If you have never heard of him, I HIGHLY recommend listening to some of his teachings. He speaks of identity, God's favor, and love for us. We have one more session tonight to attend, and then we head back home tomorrow afternoon. I cannot write (or process) fast enough as God is downloading His heart for me into my spirit this weekend. I have been given new eyes to see this weekend and I'm excited to take them for a "drive" for the rest of my life.

I love being amazed by my Daddy God! I love how He intentionally puts the pieces of my life together!!! I love getting to know more of His heart! I am even beginning to love it when He shows me an area of my life HE wants to improve. I am NOT where I want to be but exactly where God wants me to be. I know, I know, it's hard to comprehend that God has us exactly where we are for a purpose. After this weekend, I am convinced that I AM EXACTLY where God wants me to be, because He sees me as Perfect because of Jesus IN me!!! I'm not going to argue that one because before this weekend, I was convinced that I was anywhere EXCEPT where I was supposed to be.

I figured there was a destination I had to reach. I thought I wasn't good enough yet for God. I assumed that God would love me more if I could only reach "that place" (wherever that place is!!!) where He wanted me to be. THAT is such a lie from the enemy! I don't have enough time or space to expand on that. I just love the revelation that I have received this weekend.

Revelation? I mean "REVELATIONSSSSSSS". New eyes to see. New ears to hear. The deafness and the blindness are falling off of me.

Already, my time is through on here. :( I have been writing! Alot! Some of it on Facebook for others to see, but most of it in my journal and my future book-to-be. God willing, I should be back on a regular basis in a couple months, and I can share more, but for now, I pray that you will get new eyes to see and new ears to hear everything that God wants you to see and hear. If you want to connect on a more personal basis, feel free to connect with me on Facebook.

Blessings! Heaven

Praise

Praise defeats the enemy. ALL the time. EVERYtime!

Peace, be still...

I choose to trust in the One who gave His life for me. I choose to stand on

Oh ye of little faith...

I have spent the last week with my stomach in knots and my teeth gritted. My faith weakened as I allowed fear to grip my heart. The Dr. took a piece of my bone to biopsy one week ago. He gave me the name of a disorder he was pretty certain I had, and told me that it would require another surgery. I had to wait until today to get the results back... It was a veeeeerrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy long week!

I was pretty confident last Monday...

By Saturday evening, I was falling apart!

I was afraid. I felt alone. I had dreams of the doctor telling me I had cancer. I allowed my thoughts to wander to the worst case scenarios. I was angry. I was uptight. Blah, blah, blah.

I finally quit talking to people because I was irritated that I had to retell the story over and over about what was going on. I did NOT want to tell one.more.person.one.more.detail...

Needless to say...

I wasted a week worrying...

and fretting...

over nothing!!!

The results came back this morning, and praise God!!! NOTHING more needs to be done! I do have some mouth thing going on, (with a realllllyyyy long technical name) but unless it decides to grow, I will not need any treatment or surgery. I will have a re-check in 6 months, and after that, once a year.

On the drive home from the clinic, the verse "oh ye of little faith" came to mind. I was afraid of the results. I was afraid that I would sink and not be able to stand. I was afraid that the storm would overtake my comfy little boat and crumble with the waves...

Most of all, I was afraid that Jesus was not big enough to get me through whatever the unknown held. I said I trusted, but when it came down to it, I allowed fear to take over.

Very sobering...

BUT VERY GRATEFUL God came through

despite my lack of faith!

"O ye of little faith"...arise & trust me!!!

Be blessed

Going to try to post this from my phone so bear with me. Life has been crazy interesting lately and full of many twists and turns. I know God is still in control but some days just seem overwhelming. We are adjusting to a new normal at our house. I'm having plenty of opportunities to trust God with my life and with the lives of my boys. It's amazing how strong Jesus is in us when we don't feel like we can be strong anymore. I love the growth. I love being stretched:-) As long as God never leaves me to do it on my own:) So know you are not alone in your journey. You're not the only one being stretched and GOD IS STILL ON THE THRONE AND STILL IN CONTROL. Be blessed friends:)