New eyes

Last fall, the captain of the "Shame Train" took me for a ride down "Unworthiness valley", past "Get-out-of-ministry Highway", and at the feet of "You-will-never-change- you-are-a -failure Mountain". I made a stop at the "Seriously? You-are-stupid ocean" and wallowed there for awhile until I finally walked to the edge of the "You-are-doomed-forever Cliff".

I sat down and surveyed the scenery below me. It was dark, cold, and dreary... and I began to wonder if this was my punishment for everything I had done wrong. I'm not sure when, but Jesus whispered to my heart, "I never brought you here. You brought yourself here."

A light grew inside my heart and began to slowly invade and conquer the darkness that was trying to permanently reside there. Day by day, as I committed my heart and journey back to God, the light grew stronger and brighter, and eventually chased the darkness away. As I daily fought the battle in my mind, God continued to bring truth to the lies I believed.

One Sunday, not long ago, I closed my eyes and began sobbing before the Lord. As I worshiped Him, I realized I was standing at the top of a mountain, looking at all of the wonderful things ahead of me. I could see!

In that moment, God birthed a new freedom inside of me...and a passion...and a fire under my feet...and a boldness from deep within...