It's tooooo early!

I awoke at 5:30 this morning to arguing and loud wrestling in my living room. UGH!!! That does NOT make a good wake-up call, but makes a wonderful alarm clock (because I can't push snooze!). The problem is that I did NOT set my alarm, nor did I ask for a wake-up call.

After sending each child to their room for waking up everyone in the apartment building (ok, well me!), I began to stew and get angrier by the second!!! It is Saturday and I should be able to sleep in until AT LEAST 7:00, but Nooooooooooo, my boys didn't get that memo! I continued to ramble on to myself: "I am the mom and I do sooooo much for them and they can't even get along so I can sleep a little extra???? What about me? What about my rights? If only they had ANY clue how many times I have sacrificed sleep for them!!! Ugh..."

Well, that conversation within myself really didn't help my mood (or my level of gratitude!), and I KNEW THIS, but at that moment, I felt I had a right to complain...so I did!!! And I continued my little fit, (all within myself, of course), for another 5-10 minutes, and suddenly I felt a nudge at my heart. You know...the little voice that acts as your conscience... Yep, that one!.

Of course, because I must have been enjoying being miserable and complaining at that moment, I ignored it. "I don't want to be 'right'!, I don't want to be graceful! I don't even want to be nice! I don't want to think about anyone else but me right now! I'm tired! It's NOT fair!!!"

Ahhh...the lovely tantrums of a mature adult in an immature moment!

Ok, so you get the point. The nudge came again, and for me, that nudge happens to be God trying to get my attention. "Ok, fine. What do you want, God?"

Somedays, I totally picture that if I stood in front of God, He would look at me, with the same goofy grin I give others, and say, "Um...seriously, Heaven, really????"

This morning would have been one of those mornings! "Seriously, Heaven???" I suddenly felt as immature as I had acted, as I felt compelled to look in my Bible and take advantage of the NOW quiet moments at hand, since, of course, my boys were on a verrrryyyyyyy long time-out in their rooms.

Breathe in...breathe out...

I sat down, apologized to God for my attitude, and opened my Bible. I opened it to John 14 of all places! Well, to me, this chapter talks about love and obedience! Ugh...I knew where this was headed. The verse that popped out to me was John 14:15:

"IF you love me, YOU WILL obey what I command." ....Yes, that's it! If my kids loved me, they would totally obey me!!!

Um...another "Seriously Heaven?" moment came...

"If Heaven loves God, she will obey what He commands..." Seriously, God???? Do we have to go "there"? OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! It's too early and I don't want to be responsible this early! I just wanted to be childish and have my moment of "What about me???"

Ok, well, God has been showing me some ugly attitudes that I have still carried in my heart, and this verse totally just exposed my attitude and my sin. I had a bad attitude and felt the world revolved around me this morning.

"God, I'm sorry. Help me to become a better morning person!" THE END...or so I thought!
I suddenly ( I love suddenly moments!) saw this verse a little different...Not sure it's necessary an interpretation of it, but this is how I suddenly felt it in my heart.

"If Heaven simply KNEW how much I loved her (how much I desire her and have given up for her and adore her), THEN she would WANT to and WILLINGLY do what I have asked her to do..." *little baby "ouch"*

I "got it". It's totally NOT in the loving others that makes us want to be a better person...it's in the "knowing how much we are loved" that makes us WANT to be a better person...


So, this morning, I rest in God, who never complains because of what I do, say, or act. He simply takes me by the hand, nudges my heart, and gently shows me truth that leads me to repentance and helps me to know His love better.

I pray, that, you too, would be able to see how much God and those around you love you...