With my friend, Julie, by my side, the doctor told me she saw no heartbeat. I was 10 weeks along. My baby was only 8 weeks. I was devastated and I began to sob. I wanted this baby so much. It would have been the first time I "did it right"...getting married and THEN having a baby......
I woke from surgery a few hours later to an emptiness I had only heard about, knowing the precious new life was gone from within me. Granted, I was not very far along, but far enough along to begin to dream, hope, and plan.
Before I left the hospital that same day, my friend, Julie, gave me a teddy bear. It was to remind me of my precious baby that I would never get to hold. I went home, held the teddy bear, and cried myself to sleep.
The next few days were a blur. I tried to sleep as much as I could. They said I wouldn't bleed very much because I chose the surgery, rather than to allow time to take it's course. I knew I would not be able to handle the next few days knowing my baby was dead inside of me. I slept...and slept...and slept...
People told me to name my baby. Because it was too early to tell the sex, we decided this was our baby girl...we named her Angel. I dug out an anklet from the bottom of my jewelry box. It was a simple chain with the word "Angel" written across it. I put it around the teddy bear's neck. The boys took turns sleeping with it, as to find a way to cope with the reality that there was no longer a baby in mommy's tummy.
We all found comfort in knowing Baby Angel was in heaven with Jesus...He had a plan, that at the time, we did not understand, yet still chose to trust...
That was 5 years ago...and I still sleep with that teddy bear, not so much out of memory anymore, but out of habit. I'm 35 and I sleep with a teddy bear!
Every so often, I think about her...I wonder what she would have looked like...
God knew how my future would go...even when I didn't understand:) He knew...
...Everything happens for a reason, and even though I sometimes still think about our Baby Angel, I am glad she is with Jesus...in His arms...without the worries of this life.
If you are going through something that really does not make sense right now, please trust God. He knows more about what you need than what you think you need right now! And trust me...His way is ALWAYS better than ours!!!!
I woke from surgery a few hours later to an emptiness I had only heard about, knowing the precious new life was gone from within me. Granted, I was not very far along, but far enough along to begin to dream, hope, and plan.
Before I left the hospital that same day, my friend, Julie, gave me a teddy bear. It was to remind me of my precious baby that I would never get to hold. I went home, held the teddy bear, and cried myself to sleep.
The next few days were a blur. I tried to sleep as much as I could. They said I wouldn't bleed very much because I chose the surgery, rather than to allow time to take it's course. I knew I would not be able to handle the next few days knowing my baby was dead inside of me. I slept...and slept...and slept...
People told me to name my baby. Because it was too early to tell the sex, we decided this was our baby girl...we named her Angel. I dug out an anklet from the bottom of my jewelry box. It was a simple chain with the word "Angel" written across it. I put it around the teddy bear's neck. The boys took turns sleeping with it, as to find a way to cope with the reality that there was no longer a baby in mommy's tummy.
We all found comfort in knowing Baby Angel was in heaven with Jesus...He had a plan, that at the time, we did not understand, yet still chose to trust...
That was 5 years ago...and I still sleep with that teddy bear, not so much out of memory anymore, but out of habit. I'm 35 and I sleep with a teddy bear!
Every so often, I think about her...I wonder what she would have looked like...
God knew how my future would go...even when I didn't understand:) He knew...
...Everything happens for a reason, and even though I sometimes still think about our Baby Angel, I am glad she is with Jesus...in His arms...without the worries of this life.
If you are going through something that really does not make sense right now, please trust God. He knows more about what you need than what you think you need right now! And trust me...His way is ALWAYS better than ours!!!!
2 comments:
Wow...I don't think most people really understand how devastating the loss of a pregnancy can be--even when it's early on. There IS still a grief process that women need to be allowed (and encouraged) to go through. Thank God for friends.
:-) Susan
I have experienced this a few times and God was completely faithful and helped me grieve and be honest with the loss.
I know so many women find this a hard topic to share, but I find it close to my heart.
I know that you found his comfort. He is close to the broken hearted. x
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