To the One...
The One who walked into my back yard 14 years ago as my brother's friend...
The One who swam under the dock with me...
The One who put on his best outfit & took me by the hand as we walked side-by-side...and who hand-picked me a beautiful bouquet of flowers by the time we returned:)
The One who thought I was a mosquito...
The One who climbed up on my balcony to show me it wasn't safe where I lived...
The One who called me from every truck stop to whisper sweet love poems through the phone...
The One who gave me his heart without question...
To the man I married almost 6 years ago...
To the man who I have been separated from for almost 3 years...
To the man I officially divorced a year ago...
I'm sorry...
...for cheating on you 14 years ago and leading you to believe that you were the father of both of our children...
...for not valuing you...
...for taking advantage of you...
...for telling everyone else I was pregnant before I told you...
...for flirting with other men while I was at the bar...
...for trying to change you...
...for becoming a closer friend to your mom than you...
...for telling your secrets...
...for choosing my family over you...
...for giving up on you...
...and then blaming you for giving up on me...
...for not trusting you...
...for "blabbing" your sins & all of your wrongs...
...for being afraid to open up to you...
...for not respecting you...
...for acting like your mother and not your wife/friend...
...for not letting you read your Bible as much as you wanted...
...for not letting you have friends...
...for telling lies about you...
...for inviting you back into our home countless times, only to continually kick you out...leaving you stranded and homeless...
...for being controlling...
...for controlling who your friends were...
...for controlling your money...
...for controlling your time...
...for selling your possessions that you worked hard for...
I'm sorry...
...for stalking you and constantly checking up on you...
...for belittling you in public...
...for tearing up and cutting your clothes...
...for humiliating you by yelling down the street at you, cursing & saying horrible things to you with intention to hurt you...
...for the years of "stretching" the truth & saying that things were worse than what they really were...
...for always making you the "bad guy" and the one to blame...
...for speaking hurtfully about you to your kids...
...pretending I was a spectacular wife, and blaming you for everything that went wrong...
...shoving religion down your throat...
...for condemning you before you even got started...
...for disgracing you...
...for withholding my love from you...
...for playing with your heart, emotions, & your life...
...for welcoming you home when it was convenient, and disgarding you when I was finished with you...
...for not taking responsibility for my actions and my part in our relationship failures...
...using you...emotionally abusing you...and starving you from my love...
I'm sorry...
...For expecting you to fulfill me.
...For expecting you to drop everything you were doing just to be at my beckon call...
...For all the time I spent complaining when I should have been praying...
...For not being trustworthy with your words...For telling you that you could trust me only to babble them to other people...
...for not forgiving you, but rather holding your sins in account- only to bring them up at a later date...
~I'm sorry for taking your children away from you. I'm sorry for all the times I prevented you from seeing them. I'm sorry for using them to control you and your actions. I'm sorry for giving you false hope in order to get what I wanted. I'm sorry for the stupid mind games I spent years playing. I'm sorry for not listening, not talking, and not guarding the precious gift of our marriage...
I am sorry...
This list could go on forever, but quite honestly, my heart is broken over all I have put you through, and we both know that this list doesn't even come close to the hurt I've put you through...
Why have I chosen to do this publicly??? I have disgraced you enough publicly, to many people throughout the years, and have made you out to be the "bad guy"...I need to do more than just apologize with my words, but also with my actions... I publicly slandered you, and I need to publicly apologize...
You are the man God has me standing for! You are the man God gave to me (for better and for worse)! You are man whom I will be remarried to...in God's time... Because that's what a covenant is...forever... I am sorry Tony... I love you IxI