April 19, 2012

Toilet Paper, "manna", & other provisions

Manna as defined by Dictionary.com: the food miraculously supplied to the Israelites in the wilderness. (Exodus 16:14-36)

If you read Exodus 16, you will get the full version of this amazing story of a God who provided manna and quail for His people.  For the sake of time, I am going to give you my paraphrased version and relate it to my life and my journey.

God did amazing things, even performed miracle after miracle, from the time they left Egypt. God helped them win battle after battle. They journeyed. They got tired. They started complaining. They were forgetting the promises of God. They couldn't see beyond the circumstances in front of them. All they could see was their misery and their struggle. I'm sure they just wanted their Promised Land...yet it seemed no closer than when they left Egypt. They murmured. They doubted their leaders, their promises, and their God.

"Oh God, why didn't you just let us die in Egypt? It has to be better than this!!!"

Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever had to fight for something that, after awhile, really didn't seem worth it. It seemed too hard. Too tiring. Too many tears. Too much pain. Too...too...too...

I live from paycheck to paycheck. I started my business in September and to be honest, I spend more money on my website every month than I even bring in sales. I know God wants to use my art and other talents and SOMEHOW have them be part of my business, but I don't have the "go" yet from God. I feel like I'm wandering aimlessly around and around and around, going no where really quick, with little to no direction.  

I believe God is the one who gave me the ideas, but He also has to give me the business mind, the resources, the right connections, because in the natural, I have NO CLUE what I am doing.

I'm getting weary. Along with everything else going on in my life, I can easily get overwhelmed with the details, and usually "shut down" because I don't know what else to do.  

I KNOW God has a plan far BIGGER and GREATER than I can EVER imagine or dream, but I don't know what it is! I don't know how to get there! All I know is to keep doing what it is I'm doing and pray I won't miss the connections He wants me to make...waiting for His timing to see His promises fulfilled for my life.

I am living on daily manna. Literally. Well, not like "Israelite manna", but "daily provision manna". I step where God wants me to step. I move when God wants me to move. I "be still" when God tells me to be still.  Most of my time is spent in preparation: physically, spiritually, and emotionally...and right now, God says, "This is where I want you."

Ugh! I want to be soaring! Going forward! Moving! But God says, "Be still my Child...be still."

I fight the urge to grumble and complain. Not because I'm unhappy where I am at. I just feel like I 'SHOULD" be doing something...more...significant...with...my...life.

This morning, I looked at my toilet paper roll stash and realized I only had two rolls left. Not only that, but I am running out of dishsoap and guinea pig food. 

"Really!?!? Is this really the story of my life? For real? Do I have to do this EVERY month? My son's birthday is next week and...blah.blah.blah!"

Complain. Grumble. Murmur.

"Oh, those Israelites! If only they would have just "gotten" it, they wouldn't have stayed in the wilderness for 40 YEARS! I would have learned not to grumble and complain so much!!!"

Um...yeah...maybe I would have!?!?


I allowed my worries to swallow me up for a little bit this morning, but finally decided I could do nothing but trust God to provide. 

I praised instead. I "won" back my day because I chose not to worry about something I could do nothing about at the moment.

"O-kay God, I will be still..."

And I was. And it felt good.

Fast forward much later...

5:00p.m.--My friend shows up at the door with toilet paper for me. It was on sale. She was thinking of me. 

Uh yes! That's the God I serve!

The "wilderness" can get tiring at times. But God hasn't left us out here alone! Just keep doing what He's asking you to do and trust Him to do what He said He will do!!!  Be on the alert for complaining murmuring coming from your own heart and keep your eyes open for the miracles and manna from heaven.

Most of all, keep your focus on God! He really hasn't dumped you "out here" to rot. He's taking you on your personal journey that only you and He can go on...to prepare you for what is yet to come!

He is good...all the time!

1 comment:

My American Orphanage said...

I can't wait to hear how God provides in some cool way. He always does for you, the details matter to him with you and I LOVE THAT about your relationship with him. Sometimes I envy that. much LOVE.

Who am I Lord?

1 Chronicles 17:16 Then  King David went in and sat before the Lord, and he said: "Who am I, Lord God, and what is my family, that you...